Toxic (Denazen #2)(77)

He took a step back, and the breath caught in my lungs. I could see it. The understanding sparking to life in his eyes. “Dez said that to me once.”

The look on Jade’s face, the justification and smug satisfaction, made me sick to my stomach. “See? She knew it, too.”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he tilted his head to the sky. All the tension seemed to drain away. His shoulders, previously taut, his fingers flexed and flicking—all gone. He was the picture of relaxation.

Of acceptance.

It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. You see it coming toward you. You have plenty of time to walk way. But you can’t. You’re just glued. Waiting for the carnage.

Jade took his hand again. “I think you need to consider—”

“Can I kiss you?”

And there it was. The train.

“Dez, let’s go,” Kiernan said softly. She tried to tug me backward, but I wouldn’t budge. I couldn’t. My feet were suddenly filled with ten tons of lead, and my heart was on the verge of stopping. I had to see this through.

A part of me laughed at the fear clouding my brain. This was Kale. He’d never do it. He’d never kiss someone else. Another part of me cheered him on. Prove me right, it screamed. I knew this would happen. I told you so. I f*cking told you.

“What?” Jade’s eyes were wide. She dropped his hand and stepped away.

“Can I kiss you?” he repeated.

“Dez,” Kiernan tried again. “You don’t need to see this.”

I couldn’t form coherent words, or I would have told her that yes, I did need to see this. I wouldn’t be able to believe it—to accept it—if I didn’t see it with my own two eyes.

Kale stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Jade’s waist. He didn’t linger for dramatic effect or caress her skin lovingly. He dove in for the kill, and the train rolled over me at full speed.

Dead. I was dead. Hollow. Cold. All I could hear was my own voice. Over and over. Itoldyouso. Itoldyouso. Itoldyouso.

It took a moment, but Jade threw herself into it. Giggling, she wrapped both arms around his shoulders, pulling him close. She had him now. No way was she letting go. The yard was eerily silent. Crickets, cars passing on the street out front, even the sound of my own heart pounding in my ears—it all disappeared. The only sound was Jade and Kale.

There’s this whole romantic notion about kissing. In the movies, it’s this mysterious thing back dropped by sweet music and fade-to-black moments. In reality, though, there’re spit and suction and slurping noises. And Jade was either a really sloppy kisser, or she was just going to town.

There was a tiny voice inside my brain fighting for attention. It tried to spew logic. Jade wasn’t into him. Not really. She was working for Denazen. For Dad. This was part of the plot to reel Kale in. And while that fact had consoled me each and every time I saw her shooting him the f*ck-me eyes, it didn’t change the fact that Kale had fallen for it. He kissed her.

I didn’t mean to do it. It just sort of happened. One minute I was holding Kiernan’s hand, the next minute I wasn’t.

They didn’t notice at first. Too wrapped up in themselves, I supposed. Jade saw me first.

“Oops,” she whispered, pulling away from Kale.





29


Jade wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and at least had the decency to move away a few inches. I caught the barest hint of a smile before she looked in the other direction.

I laughed, a horrible sound that actually hurt my own ears. It was grating. Wrong. Broken somehow. “Some ninja, huh? I was standing here a whole twenty seconds.”

At first Kale didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look surprised. Or sorry. Then it must have hit him.

“Dez, I—”

I held out my hands. He needed to stop. I couldn’t listen to that voice. That voice I swore to myself would never lie. Never betray. I’d put him on a pedestal—which wasn’t fair, really—and he’d fallen.

“No. Seriously. It’s cool, right? You guys are great together. You know, ’cause you can grope each other without all the death and pain and shit.”

I took a step back. Kale took one forward.

“Wait. Dez, it’s—”

I laughed again. Even louder. And longer. In fact, I couldn’t stop laughing. I’d snapped. Trauma had brought on the Supremacy crazies five months early because there was no other way I’d come unhinged like this. Not Dez Cross. Ms. Keep It Together. The whole thing reminded me a little of the way Fin had bounced down from that last step, giggling like a loony and spouting nonsense.

I didn’t live by many rules, but I had a few. Never let anyone see you cry, and never, ever let anyone see you fall apart. I tried, but I wasn’t able to hold back the tears. And since I’d broken rule number one, rule number two seemed like fair game.

“Not what it looks like? Is that what you were gonna spew? Did you know that’s what Alex tried to say to me? Or maybe you were going to tell me this was all some kind of setup? An act played out to shield me from something big and bad? Guess what? Alex said that to me, too. Matter of fact, for all the bad blood between you two, you have a hell of a lot in common all of a sudden. You both screwed me over for some cheap-ass whore.”

Jade snickered. “See? Notice how she keeps bringing up Alex?”