Time Out of Mind (Suncoast Society #43)(78)

“I…if this gets out, I don’t want it to be a distraction. I’d rather it not get out. At least, not right now. I have my reasons.”

“Yeah, fine. That’s cool. Can we eat now?”

This wasn’t anything like the reaction he’d expected. “I mean…you’re not mad at me for lying all these years?”

Pasch slowly shook his head. “Oh, for f*ck’s sake. I’m irritated at you for stringing Bonnie along all these years and causing fights, yeah. That’s her business, not mine. And I’m pissed off you thought we wouldn’t accept the real you. But that’s your business if you want to stay in the closet, not mine. Jesus Christ, give us some f*cking credit, though. I thought we’re friends.”

Mevi’s hand shook as he took a sip of his water. “I’m sorry. Bonnie is going to help me keep this quiet for the rest of the tour. I don’t want the focus to be on me or my sex life. I want it to be on the band. I want to record our next album. I want to write music.”

He took a deep breath. “The band is my life. Music is my life. I don’t want us to fail because of me.”

“Then keep your head out of a bottle, dude,” Garth said, standing to hug him, as did Pasch and Troy. “Will it help if we make the common spaces totally dry for the rest of the run?”

“No, other people drinking doesn’t bother me.” He still had trouble processing that this was as…easy as it’d been.

Like maybe he was missing a step and doing something wrong.

“And I apologize to all of you,” he said to the rest of the crew. “I know some of you aren’t straight. I didn’t mean to disrespect any of you by not coming out sooner.”

It became one long hug fest as he worked his way around the tables, hugging everyone, before returning to his seat. He was in tears, wiping at his eyes as he did.

Bonnie smiled and hugged him last. “See? Told you.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“We’re family,” she insisted. “We always have been.” She raised her voice, addressing the rest of the room. “And yes, Mevi and I have patched things up. I get why he did what he did. It’s private between us. We talked, and he and I are okay. No more tiptoeing around us, okay?”

She smiled as she said it, earning some easy-sounding laughter from around the tables.

Garth raised his hand. “Now can we talk about tomorrow night, please? What we’re going to play? We never decided that. I was thinking keeping it softer, maybe an unplugged style. They told us there will be a couple dozen kids there, from about eight years old and up. I don’t want to do a loud set and startle them.”

“We can do that,” Mevi said, using his napkin to wipe his eyes, still struggling to absorb how…simple this had been. “I think that’s a great idea.”

When they finished up a little after eleven, the five of them walked to their rooms, where they were all gathered at the far end of a top-floor wing, hotel security on guard to prevent anyone from sneaking down there. As they all hugged Mevi good-night and retreated to their rooms, eventually he and Bonnie stood alone in the hallway.

“If you can’t sleep,” she said, “knock. We’ll watch TV together.” She kissed his cheek before retiring to her room.

Fighting another bout of tears, he turned and let himself into his room. As he locked the door behind him and slumped against it, he rubbed his left thumb over the tats on the inside of his right wrist.

No, as much as that idea was tempting, he couldn’t.

Not yet, anyway.

Giving up wasn’t an option yet. Putting a period on his story.

Maybe it was stupid, but he would continue to punish himself until he could make amends to the man he knew he’d hurt.

Only then could he finally release that burden and try to move on.

One way, or another.





Chapter Twenty-Seven


Tilly called Doyle bright and early two mornings later, not long after he’d accompanied Pippa to the studio for her call time. They’d given him a radio and he’d retreated to Pippa’s trailer to wait until she was done. If she needed him, a PA would call him, and he was a two-minute walk away. He’d started increasing their time apart to help her with the transitioning process to being alone again. Meanwhile, he could monitor radio traffic and keep tabs on how things were going.

“The stuff I ordered should be here tomorrow,” Tilly said by way of greeting. “What are your plans for tonight?”

He sipped his coffee. “Good morning to you, too.”

“That wasn’t an answer.”

“I’ll have to play it by ear and see how Pippa’s doing. A solid maybe. I can’t give you a better answer than that.”

“Is it a closed set, or can you get me in so we can talk?”

“I’m in her trailer right now. She’s in hair and makeup. Where are you?”

“I’m over on the north side in building B.”

He craned his neck. In the damp, grey early morning, he could see the buildings over on that side of the property. “Come on over. You’re inside the secure area. Wear your ID.”

“Duh. What trailer?”

He told her how to find him, and fifteen minutes later, she arrived. It was weird seeing her pull up in a right-hand-drive car. He hated driving in Britain and was glad that Pippa’s studio provided them with transportation every day. They had a rental car parked back at the hotel, but if he could avoid driving, he was happy to. Tilly carried a drink carrier with two coffee cups, which he welcomed, since he’d just finished his.