This Time Around (Maybe #2)(23)

This is exactly where I’m meant to be.

*****

“I thought you were taking me home,” she says as we walk into my apartment.

“I am,” I reply, closing the door behind us. She spins around to face me, studying me for a moment.

“You really want to make our marriage work?”

“More than anything,” I tell her, taking her by the hand and leading her to my bedroom. I turn the knob, opening the door, then pick her up and carry her to my bed. Laying her down gently, I lean down and take off her shoes for her, putting them neatly in the corner of the room. I take off my own, and then jump into bed with her. We lay side by side, both staring at the ceiling. I reach out and grab her hand with mine, absently drawing circles with my thumb on her palm.

“Do you believe me?” I ask. She knows exactly what I’m referring too.

“Yes, I do.”

“But?” I ask, sensing her hesitation.

“It’s not as simple as that, is it?” No, I guess it isn’t.

“Are you ready to listen?” I ask her. She nods, turning on her side to face me. So I tell her. I tell her how I went to see my father, all the things he said to me. How he told me I was a coward. How I will never be the man Reid is. I tell her how the night Reid got his scar, he was defending our mother from our father, and how I was too scared to do anything about it. Reid’s scar is proof of his courage, and of my cowardice. It’s my shame to bear, and I’ll live with that for the rest of my life.

Who the f*ck would marry you, son? She’s going to figure out you’re worthless sooner or later.

“Ryan, you were a kid,” she says, squeezing my hand. I shrug, because really that isn’t an excuse. Not in my eyes.

“When I got back home, Sarah was waiting at the door. She said she was there looking for you. I let her in, and then she started hitting on me. I was numb. I wasn’t thinking. She kissed me, and yes, I kissed her back. It was different. Not even good different, just different.” I clear my throat, not wanting to continue, but knowing I have to. “She took her top off, and I knew that it wasn’t what I wanted, or who I wanted. I told her to get dressed and get out. Instead, she threw herself on me and that’s when you walked in. The look on your face. I couldn’t believe what I was doing, Tay. You were and are everything to me. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I was such a f*ck up, just like he said.” I look over at her to see her staring into space, her face expressionless. “I’m so f*cking sorry, Tay.”

“So, would you have continued if I didn’t walk in?” she asks, her voice small. I bring her fingers to my lips and kiss them.

“No, Tay. No,” I tell her, my eyes pleading with hers to believe me. “And then you left me. You just left, without letting me explain.”

“I need some time to think,” she says, sliding off the bed and standing up. She grabs her shoes and then walks out without looking back.

But what did I expect?

I just told her in detail what happened between her ex-best friend and me.





Chapter Thirteen

Taiya

“Really great work, Lisa,” I tell her after she finishes the dance routine.

“Thanks, Miss Rose!” she answers, smiling proudly. She’s ten-years-old and a born dancer. It makes me feel alive just watching her, and knowing she loves to dance as much as I did when I was her age, as much as I still do. I wait until the last child is picked up, and then lock up the studio. I slide into my car and drive home. I haven’t spoken to Ryan since last week, when he opened up to me and told me everything that went on back then. I still can’t believe of all the women, it was Sarah, my childhood best friend that tried to make a play for my husband. I haven’t seen Sarah since I returned, and I hope I never do.

I never spoke to her after the incident, although she did try and call me a few times, and message me, giving me the most pathetic excuse of all time. She said she thought it was Reid. “How f*cking convenient,” I mutter, making a scoffing sound at the thought. I had no idea about the issues Ryan had with his father. Of course, I knew their dad was an *, and was in prison, but I never knew anything else. They didn’t mention him and I didn’t ask. Reid, Ryan and their younger brother, Reece, lived with their Auntie until they were eighteen and then moved out straight away. When we got married, I lived with the two of them in a small two-bedroom apartment. Things were tight, but they still worked for us. The three of us all worked and studied, working hard for a better future. Jack Kane, Summer’s father, offered to give Reid and Ryan a loan to open the bar. The rest is history.

I don’t know why Jack did that, other than the fact he used to be friends with their dad, and watched over them over the years after their mum died. I can’t believe Ryan thinks those things about himself. He was a kid, no one would expect anything from him at that age. He should have been protected himself, not worrying about protecting others. It hurts to think of the childhood he had, but he and Reid have both turned out well, into men their mum would have been proud of. I park my car and get out, my mind still on Ryan. It comes down to two options. I either forgive him completely, or I don’t. I either move on with my life with him in it, or without him. I can’t live in limbo anymore. We both deserve much more than that.

I decide to take the stairs and take them two steps at a time, practically jogging to my apartment. As soon as I round the corner, I come to a standstill. Ryan is standing there, dressed to kill, in a crisp white shirt and black pants. His hair is slightly damp and pushed off his face, exposing his chiselled features and full lips. The most surprising part? He’s on his knees, waiting for me.