This Time Around (Maybe #2)(2)
*****
“I love it, Ryan!” Summer states, looking around. She is wearing a huge smile, her brown hair falling like a curtain around her face. I watch as she sits down on my new leather couch and shifts to get comfortable.
“Make yourself at home,” I tease, shaking my head at her as she puts her bare feet up. She’s wearing shorts and a ratty looking T-shirt, which looks like an old one of Reid’s. Or it could even be one of mine.
She shrugs at me. “My home, yours, what’s the difference?” she says flippantly, reaching for the remote and putting on the TV. She speaks the truth. My home is her home, and vice versa. Her phone beeps and I know it must be Reid. He is so whipped it’s not even funny. I give him shit about it sometimes, but we all know I’m thrilled for the two of them. Reid couldn’t have dreamed up a better woman, and I’m happy that he found her.
Summer changes the channel and then starts singing along to some ridiculous song.
“When’s Reid done?” I ask, sitting on the chair next to her.
“He usually works out for an hour after work,” she says.
“I know,” I reply. I know my twin’s habits better than my own.
“Should be home in about two hours then,” she answers.
Summer drums her fingers along her thigh, in beat with the music. I lift my foot up on the arm of the couch, where the back of her head is, and put my toe in her hair.
“Ryan!” she yells, sitting up and narrowing her eyes at me. She picks up my new cushion and throws it at my head. I dodge it, but only just.
“What?” I ask. I love annoying this girl. She’s like a sister and best friend combined into one.
“You’re so immature,” she says, no bite in her tone. She turns back to the TV, her hair flying everywhere as she turns her head.
“Never claimed maturity,” I instantly reply. We’ve had this same conversation many times over.
A new song plays and she actually squeals. “This is my favourite song right now!”
“What is it?” I ask, slightly curious.
“‘Gangsta’ by Kat Dahlia,” she says, putting the song full volume and ignoring me. When she starts rapping, I start laughing so hard my sides start to hurt. She is such a weirdo. I instantly recognise the song as the one she has as her ring tone. When it finishes, she presses the mute button and turns to face me. “You gonna tell me what’s been up with you lately?” she says with the lift of an eyebrow.
“What do you mean?” I say, wanting to buy myself some time.
“You’ve been acting…off for the last two weeks. If this is about you moving, I told you I didn’t want you to leave,” she says, frowning.
“It’s not that. You remember the woman who came into the bar and slapped me?”
“Yes, I’ve been asking Reid who she is but he keeps telling me it’s your story to tell,” she grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest.
I clear my throat. “She is my ex…” I trail off.
“I gathered that much,” Summer says dryly. She moves so she’s kneeling on the couch, facing me.
“We broke up. She moved away, and now she’s back,” I tell her. I’m leaving a fair bit out, but I don’t think I’m ready to talk about what happened. That would make it real, and I don’t want to see the disappointment in Summer’s eyes when she finds out the truth. I still see the look on Taiya’s face and it cuts me, right down to my soul.
“And you still love her,” she says, her voice soft with understanding.
“I’ll always love her,” I tell her, looking away.
“What’s the problem then? You’re an amazing guy. She would be lucky to have you,” Summer says, her voice hardening.
“She left on bad terms, and by now, she has definitely moved on,” I say quickly. Even the words hurt. It’s not my place, and I haven’t been a saint while she’s been gone, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. Emotions aren’t always logical. I used different women to try and forget Taiya; it never worked and I’m not proud of it, but it’s what I’ve done for the past year. Taiya’s words in the letter she left behind told me to move on, and believe me; I tried. I’m never disrespectful to women, or treat them badly or anything like that. All the women I’ve been with know the score, and I’m still on good terms with them…except Taiya. I keep asking myself what is truly worse. Me having only physical relationships with different women, or her making an emotional one with a new man? I know there is no right or wrong in my situation, or if there were, I would be in the wrong. It’s not that I don’t want her happy either, because I want nothing more than that. It’s just…I know no other man will love Taiya the way I do, know her the way I do. I don’t regret punching her new boyfriend either. I hate to admit it, but it actually felt pretty damn good. To think he’s had his hands all over her…
“Ryan, stop wallowing. If you want her, go and get her,” Summer says, pulling me out of my thoughts. She glances down at my now clenched fists and grins. “I can see why she has you tied up in knots. She’s possibly the most beautiful chick I’ve ever seen.”
“She’s a lot more than that,” I say quietly, casting my gaze down.