This Time Around (Maybe #2)(15)

“Interesting that you say that,” he says. As if taking that as permission, his eyes trail over my body for the first time tonight. “As your husband, I want no more males entering your apartment.”

“You’re kidding me?” I ask.

“Dead serious,” he says, his lips curving into a sly smirk.

“Scott’s a friend,” I say slowly.

“If he has a dick, he’s included,” he says nonchalantly.

“We’re getting divorced. None of this matters.”

“That’s yet to be seen,” he says, studying me under his lashes.

I look around his apartment. “I bet these walls have a few stories to tell.”

“Actually, the only woman who’s been in here, besides you, is Summer,” he throws back, grinning. Clearly happy with himself.

“So you must have moved in recently then,” I guess.

Probably just moved in a few days ago.

Silence. Bingo.

“Why did you f*ck around so much?” I ask boldly. I need to know the answer to this.

He looks surprised at my question, at the fact that I just spoke about something important. Something addressing the past, something that I didn’t dodge. He sighs heavily, leaning back in his chair.

“You left me. I was pissed. I was hurt. My heart was ripped open, Taiya. You obviously didn’t give a shit, since you bailed, so I did what I had to do to distract myself.” He looks straight into my eyes. Green clashing with blue. “I’m not proud, or anything like that. It was just my life without you in it.”

“Is that what you thought?”

“What?”

“That I didn’t give a shit. That’s why I left? I left because I loved you so much and you destroyed me. You broke me, Ryan.” I needed this reminder. I can’t let myself lower my guard around him again. He’s my weakness. He hurt me once. Who’s to say he won’t do it a second time? Am I that desperate for him that I’m willing to give him control over my heart again? I might not be able to heal myself the second time around. I can’t run again. I won’t let myself.

With that, I stand up and walk out of his apartment, wiping the tears from my cheeks.





Chapter Eight

Ryan

You broke me, Ryan.

Her words from last night play in my head. This whole situation is so f*cked up. How do two people come back from this? Is it true that sometimes love isn’t enough? I remember that night like it was yesterday. I was messed up, so f*cking messed up. I had just visited my father in prison. I don’t know why I went. He’d been calling for years, but Reid and I never went to see him. The last night I had seen him was the night he gave Reid that scar. It was also the night we lost our mother. I went to the prison looking for answers, looking for… something. Redemption from something I’d been carrying around for a long time. Guilt. Something I’d always dealt with, something that made me feel like I wasn’t worthy. Like I was a coward.

I left the prison feeling ten times worse than when I walked in. I should have listened to Reid, but I didn’t. And then I f*cked it up, and lost my wife. I could use many different excuses. I was young. I’d never been with another woman besides Taiya, and the list could go on. But the truth was I f*cked up. Plain and simple.

“What’s with the long face?” Summer asks as she cuts limes into slices.

“Just thinking.”

“About Taiya?” she asks, putting the knife down and giving me her full attention. I nod, scrubbing my hands over my face. It’s come to the point where we either need to talk, and work on our marriage, or just let it go and move on with our lives. I won’t accept the latter, until I’ve tried my hardest at the former.

“Yeah, we spoke for a little last night,” I tell her, washing my hands in the sink and taking over the cutting.

“You ever going to tell me what exactly happened between the two of you?” she asks in a soft voice. I look out over the bar for a distraction, but the place is empty. We don’t open for another hour.

“Anything she throws my way I deserve. Let’s put it that way.” And then some.

“Ryan,” she whispers, trying to get me to look at her but I can’t. “Everyone makes mistakes.” Summer forgave Reid for whatever shit he pulled, but this situation is different. I’m not Reid and Taiya isn’t Summer. I don’t answer Summer; I’m living in my head and blocking out the world. When Reid arrives with River, I instantly feel better.

“How long do you have him for?” I ask Reid as I lift River in my arms and kiss his chubby little cheek.

“He’s staying the night at ours.”

“Mia’s letting him?” I ask, surprised. Mia normally lets us have River for a few hours max. She’s such a bitch. Not that I’d ever say that in front of River.

“Yeah. Mia has a date,” he says, telling me with one look all I need to know. Mia wants to get laid, so River is spending the night at Reid’s. Not that I’m complaining, I love the little guy.

“Oh, well, our gain,” I say, ruffling River’s hair. “We better get out of here before the bar opens.”

“You want to come to ours?” Reid asks.

“Yeah, I’ll wait until Tag gets here then I’ll come around.” I hand River over to Reid.