Thirteen Reasons Why(35)

I roll the three tapes I’ve already heard into the bubble-wrap and place them back in the shoebox. Finished. Done.

For one period each day, you were not allowed to touch me or snicker behind my back no matter what the latest rumor. Mrs. Bradley did not appreciate people who snickered.

I unzip the largest pocket of my backpack and stow Hannah’s shoebox inside it.

That was rule number one, day number one. If anyone snickered at what anyone else said, they owed Mrs. Bradley a Snickers bar. And if it was an extremely rude snicker, you owed her a King Size.

On the counter, sitting beside the Walkman and a chocolate malted shake in honor of Mom, are the next three tapes.

And everyone paid up without argument. That’s the kind of respect people had for Mrs. Bradley. No one accused her of picking on them, because she never did. If she said you snickered, you did. And you knew it. The next day, there would be a Snickers bar waiting on her desk.

And if there wasn’t? I don’t know.

There always was.

I gather the next two tapes, blue nail polish labeling them nine and ten, eleven and twelve, and hide them in my inside jacket pocket.

Mrs. Bradley said Peer Communications was her favorite class to teach—or moderate, as she called it. Each day, we had a brief reading assignment full of statistics and real-world examples. Then, we discussed.

The last tape, the seventh tape, has a thirteen on one side but nothing on the reverse. I slip this tape into the back pocket of my jeans.

Bullies. Drugs. Self-image. Relationships. Everything was fair game in Peer Communications. Which, of course, made a lot of other teachers upset. It was a waste of time, they said. They wanted to teach us cold hard facts. They understood cold hard facts.

Headlights flash across Rosie’s front window and I squint while they pass.

They wanted to teach us the meaning of x in relation to pi, as opposed to helping us better understand ourselves and each other. They wanted us to know when the Magna Carta was signed—never mind what it was—as opposed to discussing birth control.

We have Sex Ed., but that’s a joke.

Which meant that each year, during budget meetings, Peer Communications was on the chopping block. And each year, Mrs. Bradley and the other teachers brought a bunch of students to the school board with examples of how we benefited from the class.

Okay, I could go on like this forever, defending Mrs. Bradley. But something happened in that class, didn’t it? Otherwise, why would you be listening to me talk about it?

Next year, after my little incident, I hope Peer Communications continues.

I know, I know. You thought I was going to say something else, didn’t you? You thought I was going to say that if the class played a part in my decision, it should be cut. But it shouldn’t.

No one at school knows what I’m about to tell you. And it wasn’t really the class itself that played a part. Even if I never took Peer Communications, the outcome may very well have been the same.

Or not.

I guess that’s the point of it all. No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people. Oftentimes, we have no clue. Yet we push it just the same.

Mom was right. The shake is amazing. A perfect blend of ice cream and chocolate malt.

And I’m a jerk for sitting here, enjoying it.

At the back of Mrs. Bradley’s room stood a wire bookrack. The kind you spin. The kind that holds paperback novels in the supermarket. But this rack never held any books. Instead, at the beginning of the year, each student received a paper lunch bag to decorate with crayons and stickers and stamps. Then we opened our bags and hung them to the rack with a couple of pieces of tape.

Mrs. Bradley knew people had a difficult time saying nice things to each other, so she devised a way for us to anonymously say what we felt.

Did you admire the way so-and-so talked openly about his family? Drop a note in his bag and tell him.

Do you understand so-and-so’s concern about not passing history? Drop her a note. Tell her you’ll think about her as you study for the upcoming test.

Did you like his performance in the school play?

Do you like her new haircut?

She got a haircut. In the photo at Monet’s, Hannah’s hair was long. That’s how I always picture it. Even now. But that’s not how it was at the end.

If you can, tell them to their face. But if you can’t, drop them a note and they’ll feel it just the same. And as far as I know, no one ever left a mean or sarcastic note in anyone’s bag. We had too much respect for Mrs. Bradley to do that.

So, Zach Dempsey, what’s your excuse?





What? What happened?

Oh God. I look up to find Tony standing beside me, his finger on the Pause button.

“Is this my Walkman?”

I don’t say anything, because I can’t read his expression. It’s not anger, even though I did steal his Walkman.

Confusion? Maybe. But if it is, it’s more than that. It’s the same look he gave when I helped him with his car. When he was watching me instead of shining the flashlight for his dad.

Worry. Concern.

“Tony, hey.”

I pull the headphones from my ears and slip them around my neck. The Walkman. Right, he asked about the Walkman. “It is. It was in your car. I saw it when I was helping you. Earlier today. I think I asked if I could borrow it.”

I’m such an idiot.