Thirteen Reasons Why(31)

“I forgot to call. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She hears it, but she won’t ask. “Do you want me to pick you up?”

I can’t go home. Not yet. I almost tell her I need to stay till I’m done helping Tony with his school project. But I’m almost done with this tape and I only have one more with me.

“Mom? Can you do me a favor?”

No response.

“I left some tapes on the workbench.”

“For your project?”

Wait! But what if she listens to them? What if, to see what they are, she slides a tape into the stereo? What if it’s Hannah talking about me?

“It’s okay. Never mind,” I say. “I’ll get them.”

“I can bring them to you.”

I don’t answer. The words aren’t caught in my throat, I just don’t know which ones to use.

“I’m heading out anyway,” she says. “We’re out of bread and I’m making sandwiches for tomorrow.”

I exhale a tiny laugh and I smile. Whenever I’m out late she makes a sandwich for my school lunch. I always protest and tell her not to, saying I’ll make my own when I get home. But she likes it. She says it reminds her of when I was younger and needed her.

“Just tell me where you are,” she says.

Leaning forward on the metal bench, I say the first thing that comes to mind. “I’m at Rosie’s.”

“The diner? Are you getting work done there?” She waits for an answer, but I don’t have one. “Doesn’t it get loud?”

The street is empty. No cars. No noise. No commotion in the background. She knows I’m not telling the truth.

“When are you going to leave?” I ask.

“As soon as I get the tapes.”

“Great.” I start walking. “I’ll see you soon.”





Listen to the conversations around you. Are people wondering why you’re sitting there alone? Now glance over your shoulder. Did a conversation stop? Did their eyes turn away?

I’m sorry if this sounds pathetic, but you know it’s true. You’ve never gone there by yourself, have you?

I haven’t.

It’s a totally different experience. And deep down you know the reason you’ve never gone alone is the reason I just explained. But if you do go, and you don’t order anything, everyone’s going to think the same thing about you that they thought about me. That you’re waiting for someone.

So sit there. And every few minutes, glance at the clock on the wall. The longer you wait—and this is true—the slower the hands will move.

Not today. When I get there, my heart will be racing as I watch the hands spin closer and closer to Mom walking through the door.

I start to run.

When fifteen minutes are up, you have my permission to order a shake. Because fifteen minutes is ten minutes longer than it should take even the slowest person to walk there from school.

Somebody…isn’t coming.

Now, if you need a recommendation, you can’t go wrong with the banana-and-peanut-butter shake.

Then keep waiting, however long it takes to finish your shake. If thirty minutes go by, start digging in with your spoon so you can get the hell out of there. That’s what I did.

You’re an ass, Marcus. You stood her up when you never even had to ask her out to begin with. It was a fund-raiser for Cheer Camp. If you didn’t want to take it seriously, you didn’t have to.

Thirty minutes is a long time to wait for a Valentine’s date. Especially inside Rosie’s Diner by yourself. It also gives you plenty of time to wonder what happened. Did he forget? Because he seemed sincere. I mean, even the cheerleader thought he meant it, right?

I keep running.

Calm down, Hannah. That’s what I kept telling myself. You’re not setting yourself up for a fall. Calm down. Does that sound familiar to anyone else? Isn’t that how I convinced myself not to pull my survey out of the box?

Okay, stop. Those were the thoughts running through my head after waiting thirty minutes for Marcus to show up. Which probably didn’t put me in a good frame of mind for when he finally did show up.

My running slows. Not because I’m out of breath or my legs are ready to collapse. I’m not physically tired. But I’m exhausted.

If Marcus didn’t stand her up, then what?

He sat down on the stool next to me and apologized. I told him that I’d almost given up and left. He looked at my empty milkshake glass and apologized again. But in his mind, he wasn’t late. He wasn’t sure I would even be there.

And I’m not going to hold that against him. Apparently, he thought we were joking about the date. Or he assumed we were joking about the date. But halfway home, he stopped, thought about it, and headed to Rosie’s just in case.

And that’s why you’re on this tape, Marcus. You turned around just in case. Just in case I, Hannah Baker—Miss Reputation—was waiting for you.

And sadly, I was. At the time, I just thought it might be fun.

At the time, I was stupid.

There’s Rosie’s. Across the street. At the far end of the parking lot.

See, when Marcus came into Rosie’s, he wasn’t alone. No, Marcus came into Rosie’s with a plan. Part of that plan was to move us away from the counter to a booth near the back. Near the pinball machines. With me on the inside.