Thicker Than Blood (Thicker Than Blood #1)(43)
Of my own accord, I tilted my head even farther. My eyelids dropped, a single tear slipping down my cheek as I waited for him to kiss me. Instead, I felt his thumb wipe away my tears, and a moment later his lips pressed down softly against my damp cheek. A tremble rippled through me and my lips parted, sucking in a much-needed breath of air just as his mouth brushed lightly over my own.
My eyes still closed, I both gasped and whimpered against his lips, feeling his warm breath mingling with mine.
“Leisel…” So tightly pressed against each other, I could feel the rumble of my name vibrate within his chest. “Leisel, look at me.”
I didn’t respond; I couldn’t open my eyes. I was frozen in place by the duality of my emotions, unable to make a decision one way or the other.
“Please,” I whispered, not quite sure what I was begging for, not sure of anything at the moment. What did I want? What was I doing?
He kissed me then, just another brush of his lips. Once, twice, and then he molded his mouth softly against mine. Of their own accord, my hands began to move, one finding its way up to his neck and then farther, into his hair. The other found his bicep, my fingers digging gently into the hard muscle there. His mouth grew hungrier, more demanding, and then, as his tongue touched mine, I was thrown for another loop, my growing fervor going into overdrive. I gripped him harder while turning in his arms to have better access to his mouth.
Something was happening to me, something that made me feel both strong and weak. Weak for succumbing, for letting my body override what my brain and heart couldn’t rationalize, and yet strong for letting go, even if it was just for a moment, of the guilt and the regret that never seemed to leave me.
“Lei,” Alex muttered against my mouth. His hands cupping my cheeks, he pulled away from me.
My eyes fluttered open, seeing him for the first time since before we’d kissed. I stared up at him, staring into the deep depths of his dark eyes, watching the firelight bounce within. And he stared down at me, searching my features. Searching for what, I didn’t know; I was only aware of my racing heart and my ragged breathing.
“Alex,” I whispered tearfully as the stirrings of warmth began to recede. Releasing my grip on him, my hands fell to his chest, fisting in his shirt. I couldn’t lose this moment, I wasn’t ready to go back to the cold, to the fear and the guilt. To my memories. More than anything I wanted right now, just for this one moment, to have a worthwhile right now.
He must have found whatever it was he’d been looking for. Still holding my face, he then lowered his head to mine and covered my mouth with his once more.
Chapter Eighteen
Evelyn
It was light out when I awoke, the sun squeezing into the cabin through the small cracks in the boarded-up windows, casting crazy illuminated shapes on the wall by my head. Blinking away any residual sleep, I rolled onto my back, watching as the dust motes floated about in the chilly air.
My chest felt heavy, full of burden and dislike for myself. I didn’t want to be anything less than human, like the infected were, or the lunatics in Covey, but neither did I know any other way. Other than Leisel, and maybe Alex, everyone else was expendable. That was how I’d survived, the only way I knew how to survive.
Reaching out beside me, I felt around for Leisel, needing her to ground me, to make me feel less wretched. Confused when my hand didn’t find her, I turned over on my side and found the bed empty. Sitting up abruptly, my hand curling around the handle of my blade, I hurriedly glanced around the cabin.
And then I smiled.
Seated up against the wall near the stove, Leisel was wrapped in Alex’s arms. Pressed against his chest, her features were slack in a peaceful sleep, while Alex was curled around her, his posture relaxed, his scowl gone, making him appear younger, like a man his age should look. I stared at them both, looking so at ease, that for a moment I forgot. Forgot where we were, forgot what happened to the world around us, forgot the pain and the torture and the ever-mounting guilt.
It was a beautiful thing to see, two people released of their burdens, if only temporarily. And for a moment, seeing them released me of mine.
Leaning back against the wall, letting my blade fall away, I continued watching them sleep, imagining a life for them. A softer life, with chocolate Christmas cakes and backyard barbeques.
Time passed slowly, the soft, soothing sound of their heavy breathing comforting me to the point that I began to drift off again. Still thinking of better days, I closed my eyes, envisioning the four of us—Leisel and Alex, me and Jami—at the beach, laying out in the sun, cold beers in our hands. There’s a live band playing off in the distance, the sound of music floating on the summer breeze. Maybe there are even children playing beside us. Their tiny voices, and innocent, tinkling laughter. I’d always wanted children. Shawn and I had planned to have at least two.
But then I saw Shawn as I’d last seen him, infected and dying, begging me to kill him before he ended up hurting me.
Gritting my teeth, I quickly shook away the image of Shawn’s face, replacing it with Jami’s. Picturing our children with my strawberry-blonde coloring and his impish smile.
He’d kissed me good-bye.
A sob lodged in my throat, choking me out of my daydream and back into reality, into this harsh, ugly reality where Leisel, Alex, and I were inside a boarded-up ramshackle cabin where only a day ago a little girl had died.