Thicker Than Blood (Thicker Than Blood #1)(34)

I tried to laugh then, only to remember that Leisel hadn’t gotten her period in nearly two years, not since recovering from the beating that had nearly killed her. “Shit,” I mumbled as my own tears slipped free of my lashes. “Shit, I’m a f*cking idiot. I’m sorry.”

Unfazed by my tactless comment, Leisel edged closer to me, taking my hand in hers. “Remember when I told you how much I hated fruitcake, that all I’d ever wanted as a kid was a damn chocolate cake at Christmas, but my mom continued making fruitcake? Remember, Eve? We were drinking tequila in your backyard, and for some reason I told you my Christmas cake sob story, and then six months later you made me that chocolate cake—albeit a shitty one—and gave it to me for Christmas.”

My chin trembled, my heart stuttering in my chest. “Don’t,” I pleaded, more tears building in my eyes and threatening to break free. Tears that I’d long refused. Tears that I’d always been able to resist in the past. “Please don’t do this, Lei.”

Raising our joined hands, Leisel pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “When you gave me that awful cake, I knew what I meant to you, how much you cared for me. I knew from that day on that I would always be able to depend on you.” Leisel stared into my face, her eyes glistening with love. “And in return, I swore to myself that you would always be able to depend on me.”

I swallowed and looked away, choking back my tears. Her hand found the bottom of my chin, and she tilted my face back to hers.

“You made me so happy that day, Eve, and every day since. I love you, and I am grateful every single day that you married my husband’s best friend, that you became my best friend. You make the days worthwhile. You make everything worthwhile.”

My first sob broke free. It was loud and tragic, and made my gut twist painfully. Fat, salty tears trailed down my cheeks as I continued to shake my head, wishing she would stop. But I couldn’t find my voice, couldn’t tell her to hush because my throat felt too tight, and I was too busy sucking down air, trying desperately to breathe.

As I sobbed again, louder this time, Leisel tried to pull me into her arms. I resisted at first, pushing back against her, but she refused to let me go, refused to loosen her grip on me. Eventually my dam broke, my barriers came crashing down, and I found myself clinging to her as I sobbed, my pain finally finding purchase in the world. Memories flooded in; there was no hiding from them any longer.

The tears were never ending, a tsunami of emotion that threatened to swallow me whole, over and over again dragging me into the abyss of pain that I’d been hiding from for years. And all the while, Leisel held me tightly, humming softly and sweetly, keeping me tethered to her and refusing to allow my pain to consume me.

? ? ?

I must have dozed off, because when I woke my face was dry of tears, but I was still in Leisel’s arms.

“I still remember how you looked when Thomas introduced us,” I said, my voice hoarse and my throat sore from crying. “You were scared shitless.”

“You were intimidating, Eve!” she said with a laugh.

Sitting up, I wiped the remaining tears still clinging to my lashes. “I overheard you talking to Tom that day, you know?”

Leisel’s brow furrowed with confusion.

“At the table,” I explained. “I think a waiter had just brought you a fresh drink. You were never much of a drinker, so in your defense you were probably a little drunk when you said it…”

Leisel shook her head. “Said what?”

“That you hoped you weren’t going to have to spend too much time with me. That I’d been a whore in high school, and you hoped I was just another one of Shawn’s flings, and that we wouldn’t last. That he could do a lot better than me.”

Her eyes wide, Leisel reached for me. “I’m so sorry, Eve, I didn’t mean it!”

“Yes, you did,” I said, and grinned. “And you were right. Shawn did deserve better than me, so I set out to be better for him and to prove you wrong. To show you I wasn’t a total loser.”

“I don’t even remember that,” she said, sounding guilty.

“I told you, you can’t drink for shit. But it doesn’t matter. All I wanted you to know was that you’d been right. Hearing you say that, it made me want to be better for him, and what started out as me trying to prove you wrong, turned into me falling in love with Shawn. You didn’t know it, but you saved me. I was heading down a path that eventually there was going to be no coming back from. You saved me from that, you and Shawn.”

“But you only had two years together.” Leisel’s face crumpled. “You both deserved more.”

“Two years with a man I loved,” I said, nudging her. “And you gave me that. No one could have known what was going to happen, Lei. And having two years with a man like Shawn was worth it. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, right?” Turning toward her, I tossed my arms around her neck and squeezed her to me. “Thank you for giving me those two years with him.”

We were both crying now, crying and hugging each other, but beneath the tears I was smiling. “Do you remember when you crashed Tom’s car into the back of Mr. Reilly’s truck?”

“And you flashed your boobs at him so he didn’t report the accident!” Leisel added, laughing.