The Ugly Duckling Debutante (House of Renwick #1)(20)

He looked surprised. He also sat down, which she thought was probably a good sign.

“I always wanted to be kissed, wanted to see what it felt like before…” She let her voice trail off mournfully.

“Before what?” he asked. His voice was gentle, sensitive. The sound of it sent her heart fluttering rapidly.

She plucked several blades of grass and played with them absently before she answered. “Before I’m married off to a man older than my grandfather.”

“You know,” he said, turning to face her. “Many women would be thrilled to become a duchess even if it meant marrying a man twice their age.”

She sighed. “I know, but I can't help but wish to marry someone who will love me for me. Someone who will love me enough to be loyal.” She hesitated a moment, trying to decide if she should continue. Then asked the dreaded question she had been pondering all night. “Do you think he will be loyal to me?”

Her question seemed to take Renwick off guard. Breaking eye contact, he glanced at the ground then back at her. He seemed to be weighing his response carefully, and after a long silence he answered, “Sai.” His voice was strained. “I think any man would be a fool to betray you, and that’s the absolute truth.”

He hadn’t said she was beautiful, but he didn’t need to. He said what she needed to hear, that she was a treasure worth keeping, someone worth marrying. It was enough to make her sob, but instead of tears her moment of weakness produced bravery.

“Will you kiss me?” she asked boldly.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Never mind. It was stupid. I’m sorry.” Sara stood to leave, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her down upon his lap in one smooth motion. She was afraid to make eye contact, afraid a look in his eyes would vaporize every ounce of bravery she possessed. What right did she have to ask this beautiful man to kiss her? As ugly as she was? Pain surged through her tightening chest, as fear grasped her. She was scared. Sara had experienced rejection before, but what if Renwick were to reject her? It would kill her, she was sure of it.

He’s kissed you before, her heart reminded her as she waited for his response. She wasn’t throwing herself at every available man. The fact that they had already shared a kiss, albeit brief, made her feel more vulnerable. What if she was so terrible the first time that he didn’t want to repeat it?

Renwick licked his lips and bent toward her face. A shudder went through her as the heat from his skin grew closer to her lips. Closing her eyes in anticipation, she waited for the inevitable. And nearly cried when his lips brushed lightly across her forehead rather than where she wanted them the most. Sara's heart sank. How did he not understand that wasn’t what she meant? Her eyes fluttered open as she began to protest, but he silenced her with a finger. His eyes turned black, and she couldn’t pull her gaze away if her life depended on it.

He smiled teasingly and kissed her cheek. Again she opened her mouth to say something; this time he chuckled and silenced her in the same way. She felt dizzy. He was toying with her, she knew it—why would he waste his time kissing everything but her mouth? Wasn’t that how kissing worked? She had only kissed her parents on few occasions and mostly on the hand or cheek.

She bit her lip in frustration as he kissed her other cheek. Then his entire face seemed to darken with hunger. His lips touched hers, almost as if he was asking permission. She didn’t know what to do—was she to push back, or open her mouth, or…? Her mind became a jumble of incoherent thoughts. Only one thought was clear when she felt how soft his lips were against hers. Kisses with the duke would never be like this. And her heart broke.

“Sai,” Nicholas whispered with ragged breath.

“What?” She leaned back, but he gently put a hand behind her neck and pulled her head to his again.

“I need you to--.”

She opened her mouth to ask what he needed, but in that same instant he pulled her in and gently brushed his lips across hers. The kiss surprised her. It was different than before. His tongue effortlessly moved between her parted lips, tasting and exploring. Pressure increased as the kiss deepened, sending her further into a passion-filled haze. His hands continued to move gracefully across her back making her feel like she was the most delicate woman in the world. His tongue continued to demand more and more of her surrender.

Instinctively, she reached out and entrenched her fingers in his hair and pulled him even closer needing to feel his hard body against hers. He moaned something inaudible and shifted his weight shielding her form from the cool of the night. All she felt was heat emanating from him. Desperation overwhelmed her as his kisses moved down the side of her neck into her ear. His velvet tongue now drawing circles around the delicate part of her ear. She didn’t want the kiss to end. In fact, she would have been happy to stay on his lap forever.

He pulled back abruptly and paled. Had she done something wrong? Had she pushed him too far? She felt suddenly ashamed about still being in his lap; but it was then she realized she wasn’t even in his lap anymore, but lying on her back with him on top of her. She immediately flushed crimson and closed her eyes. This was an extremely compromising position, not that she had cared at the time, but if anyone were to see them, they would surely be forced to marry.

Sara quickly got up and pushed some of the escaped hair out of her face. Nicholas was still speechless, which led her to believe he regretted his decision. The silence was deafening and embarrassing. Tears threatened at the corners of her eyes. How could she be so stupid as to think that a man like him would actually want her. Mortified she muttered a flustered thank you and rushed back toward the house.