The Story of Me (Carnage #2)(111)
Cam’s sitting with his arm around the back of my chair, his fingertips making a small circular pattern under my hair at the nape of my neck and I notice him stop for a split second as Len says Sean’s name.
Marley’s eyes catch mine and he winks, my brother’s way of letting me know, that me and him, we’re okay. I wink back.
“I’ve got some news,” I announce when Len has finished his story. We haven’t told them about the house yet and spurred on by the wine I had with my dinner and my brother’s wink, I now feel confident enough to share.
I look up at Cam, just checking he’s happy with me letting my brothers know; he looks and winks at me too.
I look back at my brothers and their wives gathered around the table and think about how far we’ve all come in our lives. I start to feel emotional, then I notice something. For some reason it suddenly occurs to me that Jimmie, Ash and Sam haven’t had a drink all night.
“Well, come on, George, don’t keep us in suspenders,” Ash whines.
“Hmmm, I actually like my wife being kept in suspenders, nothing but stockings and suspenders, and luckily, she likes wearing them for me,” Lennon announces as he nuzzles into Jimmie’s neck.
“That’s coz your wife’s a slut,” I tell Len and wink at Jim. This is so not how I planned on this conversation going.
“Don’t call my wife a slut,” Lennon protests, but I know he’s only joking.
“You can call my wife one. I like it.” We all turn and look at Marley. “What? I do.” I shake my head at him, not daring to look at Cam. He’s never seen my brothers in action like this and I’m wondering what he must be making of our interactions.
“You know there’s something seriously wrong with you right, Marls?” I can hear Cam give a small chuckle from beside me and I turn to see him smiling down at me.
Jimmie bangs her hand down on the table and before everyone has shut up, she starts talking. “Despite being sluts, Ash and I have some news too.”
“Well, I was first, your news can wait.” Jimmie shrugs at me.
“Fine, I’ll wait. Just spit it out, George.” Before I can speak, Cam does.
“Actually, can I just say something?”
“For f*ck’s sake,” Ashley sighs from across the table. “Will someone just say something?”
“Thanks for tonight,” Cam starts. “Lennon, Jamie, thanks for inviting me into your beautiful home, and all of you, thanks for making me feel welcome.” He takes a deep breath and rubs his hand over the stubble on his jaw that I wouldn’t let him shave off before we came out tonight. “Don’t think that I don’t appreciate and understand that this is probably a bit weird and probably difficult for you all as well. Sean was a big part of this family’s life for a very long time and he’s gone and suddenly here I am.” I watch him as he seems to look everyone in the eye. “I don’t want it to be awkward. I don’t want you not talking about Sean just because I’m here,” he shrugs, “and the thing is, I’m planning on being around for a while, well for good actually.” He pulls me in and kisses my temple. “Georgia and I bought a house today. We sign the paperwork tomorrow.”
There’re whoops and cheers, handshakes and cuddles. Len gets the champers out of the fridge that we brought with us and we all have a glass, Jim, Ash and Sam, all only having a tiny amount, I notice.
“So what’s your news, Jim?” I look across at my best friend and ask. She leans around Lennon and looks at Ash. “Right, I don’t want you to get mad,” she starts. I have no idea where this is going to go.
“After our little conversation at your mum’s the other night, Ash and I went to see Doctor Shepherd today.” My mouth is instantly dry. Doctor Shepherd is my fertility doctor, my baby maker. Why’ve they been to see him?
“We just wanted to be absolutely clear on what would be required of us, and because this is going to affect us and our families, the boys came with us too.” My head starts to spin. I’m holding one of Cam’s hands with both of mine, gripping it is probably closer to the correct term. They’ve changed their minds. I already know what they’re going to tell me. They’ve had time to think and they’ve changed their minds.
“What we’ve decided, George, and I know you’re not gonna like it.” Oh, God, the salmon fillet I had for dinner is about to make its way back up. “The thing is, you’re such a stress head and control freak, George, that we think the best way to go about all of this is for me and Ash to go and see him and have all of our procedures carried out without you being there.” My brain can’t process what she’s saying. It’s trying its hardest but remains completely blank. I’m starting to freak out. My breathing starts to alter and I get that familiar tingle in my toes. I don’t understand what they’re saying to me.
It’s been such a good week, a week where I’ve began to feel like me, like Georgia again. I’ve allowed myself to live, to love, to hope and dream, to feel, and that will be my downfall, allowing myself to feel. I shouldn’t have let that happen. I shouldn’t have allowed that, because now as it all gets pulled away from under me again. I just know the pain will crush me.
“Georgia,” I look up as Marley says my name, “breathe, G, breathe.” He shakes his head crossly. “See, this is exactly the reason we’re gonna do things this way. Look at the state you get yourself in.”