The Spiral Down (The Fall Up #2)(54)

Taking his hands, I encouraged him. “Keep going.”

He glanced down at our linked hands and trailed his thumb over my knuckle, smiling like I’d just offered him the world. “She was five when she was placed in my foster home. I was fifteen and had a job washing dishes at a dive restaurant. The owner’s daughter had a bakery across town, so he sold her stuff as dessert. I can’t even tell you how addicted I was to those damn peanut butter cookies. You’d never catch me leaving work without one.”

He puffed his cheeks, insinuating he’d been fat. My only response was a teasing side-eye. He shook his head and continued.

“I got home one night and found her crying in the bathroom because she’d wet her bed. Poor kid was scared to death. I helped her clean herself up and fix up her bed. She was so damn cute it didn’t take but one sentence for her to wrap me around her finger. But it was what she asked that changed my life.” He paused and sucked in a shaky breath. “She asked me if I’d stay with her until she fell asleep. It was the first time anyone had ever needed me.” He swallowed hard. “I wasn’t a burden to her. I wasn’t a gay kid who needed to be fixed. I wasn’t a poor, pitiful foster kid no one gave a damn about. When those big, brown eyes looked up at me, I wasn’t Henry Gilchrist. I felt like Superman. That little girl saved my life, because she made me feel worthy.”

“Jesus,” I breathed, leaning forward to kiss his temple. I officially hated this story, but I adored that he was telling it to me. That made me feel worthy.

“Every night for the next three years, we shared a peanut butter cookie before she went to bed.”

“That’s why she calls you cookie,” I filled in as it dawned on me.

“Yeah. I was her Cookie Monster.” He laughed at the memory. “I had a whole lot of nothing back then, but she was always there, waiting for me with a huge, goofy grin. She used to beg me to play my guitar for her—even when I sucked at it. It took me a week, but I learned the theme to Sesame Street for her. God, I loved that little girl.” Pain was etched into his face, but he swayed toward me as though I could take it all away.

I couldn’t. But I sure as hell was going to try.

“When I graduated high school, I was forced to leave her behind. She had a really hard time with the transition, but in some ways, I think I struggled more. As much as I wanted to be out on my own, forging my own path, I wasn’t ready for the loneliness I felt. Robin and my guitar were the only two things I wanted to take into my new life with me.

“I went out on a limb and asked permission from my social worker to keep in contact with her. Thankfully, it all worked out and we got to talk on the phone a few times each week. While it wasn’t the same as seeing her every day, it definitely helped us both. I visited her for birthdays and such, but it became harder and harder over the years when she started being moved around foster homes. In the name of full disclosure, I feel the need to tell you Robin was always a good kid. But the girl hit puberty and I swear she became a different person.”

I chuckled. “Teenage girl. I can imagine.”

“It was bad, and I knew she wasn’t getting the emotional support she needed to feel worthy too. The day she turned sixteen, she called me crying. She’d gotten into it with her new foster father and he put his hands on her. I lost my f*cking mind. I’d already made it big in music and had been trying to figure out how to get her out of there, but that one call sped up the process. The very next day, three attorneys were at Social Services, filing adoption paperwork on my behalf.”

My head snapped back in surprise. “You adopted her?”

“Well, I tried. I canceled a month of tours and threw every resource I had into getting her placed into my custody. But the state of California wasn’t keen on giving a sixteen-year-old girl to a single twenty-six year-old guy. Besides, it would have taken forever to jump through all the hoops required to adopt, and I wanted her out of foster care immediately. That’s when my attorney’s came up with another idea. A few days later, I transferred a large sum of money into a trust fund in her name and we petitioned the courts for her emancipation. With the money to support herself long term, it was an easy win.”

He paused and the light in his eyes dimmed. “It was the greatest day of my life when I moved her into my house. Now, five years later, I wish she’d stayed in foster care. I had no idea what the hell I was getting into with her. That money I gave her may as well have killed her. She was young and suddenly loaded. I made her get her high school diploma, but she didn’t have to work. I travel all the time, and though I hired people to be there with her, she was still alone a lot. With a virtually bottomless bank account, she turned to drugs to keep herself entertained. And, for the rest of my life, I have to live with the fact that I’m responsible for that.”

I ran a soothing hand over his thigh, unsure what to say. He didn’t want my opinion, I was sure, but to me, it didn’t sound like Robin was the only young, dumb kid with too much money in that equation. But his heart was in the right place. I didn’t have any siblings, but it was easy to understand how Henry thought he was helping her.

Now, I just had to figure out how to help him.

“You aren’t responsible for her decisions, Henry.”

His pained gaze lifted to mine. “I gave her almost a million dollars.”