The Space Between Us(73)
“It’s not just what you said, Asher. Although, what you said was bad enough. It’s what you did. What you did to her is pretty unforgiveable.”
“I know. I know. I should never have walked out on her. Please. You have to help me find her so I can talk to her. The silence has gone on long enough.”
“Walked out on her? That’s all you’ve got? All you’re sorry for? You’re a real piece of work, Asher. I knew you were an *, but this is a new low. There is no way I am going to help you find her. I have no idea where she is, but even if I did, you are the last person on this planet I would tell. You can go to hell.” She turned and headed back towards the house. Desperately, I reached out and grabbed her arm. She snapped around and eyed my hand wrapped around her bicep. “Get your hand off of me, Asher.”
“Reeve, please, I’m so confused. I feel like I’m missing a piece of the puzzle. What are you talking about?” She looked like she was about to slap me. I would have definitely let her if it meant she would keep talking. I’d take any abuse she wanted to give me, as long as it was accompanied by information. Finally, she looked like she was going to give in.
“Tell me what you know about Charlie’s pregnancy.” My mouth gaped open, then closed, like a fish. I wasn’t expecting Reeve to ask me that and I wasn’t, at all, prepared to answer.
“What kind of question is that?”
“A valid one. You want to know about her, so you’re going to have to talk to me first. Answer the question. Tell me what you know about her pregnancy.” I ran my hand though my hair, trying to formulate an answer. What kind of information was she looking for? What was it that she wanted me to say?
“I guess there isn’t much to tell. I don’t know that much about it.” I realized my first sentence wasn’t so good. I wasn’t painting a good picture of myself. I understood that I wasn’t going to be able to redeem myself here, but I didn’t want to dig myself any deeper either. It felt like Reeve was my last shot. Perhaps, even, my only shot at getting in touch with Charlie. “I remember that Charlie kept getting sick. I came to the house to check on her one morning and one of the girls at your house said you’d both gone out.” I tried to bring back the memories that I’d managed to not think about for so long.
“When you guys came back Charlie was a mess. She was crying and looked really upset. I took her upstairs and we took a small nap. When we woke up she told me she was pregnant.” I swallowed hard, knowing that the rest of the story was an ugly part of my past that I hated. I hated who I was in that moment and I wished I could take it back. I’d do anything to take it back.
“I, admittedly, didn’t take the news very well. I asked her what she was planning on doing about the baby. I was upset that she wouldn’t consider getting an abortion. I got angry and I went back to my house.” It was so much more than that, so much more. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell Reeve anymore. Those were words I saved for Charlie, if I ever got to see her.
“A few weeks later her dad called me and told me she had a miscarriage. He told me that she wouldn’t be returning to school and that she needed some time to heal.” I looked away from her, down at the ground, remembering the time I spent trying to give Charlie what she wanted, what her father had told me she needed. “When I finally thought enough time had passed, when I tried to reach out to her, she was already gone.” I looked back up at Reeve and her expression hadn’t changed. Her eyes were still cold and empty, unforgiving, and that was fine. I didn’t need her forgiveness, I just needed information.
“And how many girls did you sleep with between finding out she was pregnant and finding out she’d lost the baby?” Her tone was icy and she was stone cold. If her question was a physical act, it would have knocked me over. I was so caught off guard by it, by what she was insinuating, that I had to force myself to speak.
“I didn’t sleep with anyone.” Panic slowly started making its way through my body. Those few weeks, for me, were miserable. And I did things I wasn’t proud of, found myself in situations I wasn’t used to, but I was hurting. It had never occurred to me that Charlie thought I was anything but faithful to her.
“You’re a liar, Asher. You’re the worst kind of * and you don’t deserve to know anything about her. You took her away from all of us. I don’t believe one word out of your mouth.” She turned and made it all the way inside of her door before I managed to put myself in between the door and the frame.
“I’m not lying, Reeve. I didn’t sleep with anyone. Am I an *? Definitely. Do I deserve anything from you or Charlie? Absolutely not. But what does Charlie deserve? I think she deserves to hear an apology, at the very least. She deserves to be able to tell me how she feels about me and what she went through. You say she’s been lost all this time? Let me try and help her find a way back. I can’t do that without your help.” She still looked like she wanted to kill me. She pointed a finger at me and her eyes narrowed.
“I don’t believe one single word you’ve said. Let me make that clear. Whatever happened between you and her, is between you and her. If you find her, if you convince her to listen to you and you hurt her again, I will find you. I will find you and I will hurt you like I wanted to thirteen years ago.” She paused, contemplating. “If you’re telling the truth right now, you need to find Charlie and tell her.”