The Solemn Bell(57)

He wished—just once—that his old friend would be caught out and exposed for the devil he was. But chaps like Peter never got caught. They lived the rest of their lives preying on the weak and the desperate. And, worse, taking advantage of the people who loved them.

Brody didn’t knock to see if Angelica was dressed. He barged into her bedroom, locking the door behind him. She wore nothing but a fresh pair of lace drawers and matching brassiere. God, he would never grow tired of seeing her in lingerie—he’d rather have that than any drug.

“Peter won’t bother you anymore.”

She turned to him. “Is he dead?”

“No.” Brody actually laughed. She could always cheer him up. “I talked with him.”

He crossed the carpet to stand behind her. Bessie patiently slipped a black satin dinner gown over her head. While the maid adjusted the frock to sit perfectly against her figure, he kissed Angelica hungrily.

“The poor chap doubted how much I love you. And how much you love me.”

She blushed. Angelica might have been a fallen woman, but she was still shy about kissing him in front of Bessie. “Thank you for trusting me. You are a better man than anyone gives you credit for.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

He watched as the maid put the final touches on Angelica’s ensemble. Her black hair shone in the lamplight, pulled back from her face with a simple silver hair clip. She didn’t need the feathers, bandeaux, or diamond stars that plainer girls relied on. Her beauty wasn’t fussy. It was straightforward and unflinching—he’d loved that about her from the moment he first saw her.

When Bessie finished with her work, she quietly slipped out the door, leaving Brody and Angelica alone.

He didn’t know what to tell her, but something ought to be said. Peter’s behavior was unacceptable, yet it was partly his own fault. Brody shoved his hands in his trouser pockets. “Listen, about earlier…”

“If it’s all right with you, I’d rather forget it ever happened.”

“Of course, but I need to explain something first. Only, I’m not sure how to go about it.” He took a deep breath, and bared his soul. “There are times when an addict will do anything for their next dose, even things they’re very ashamed of. I have traded drugs for sex, taking advantage of some poor girl’s desperation. I’ve even traded sex for drugs, letting someone in a similar position to take advantage of me. Honestly, I’m not sure which is worse. But I do know firsthand that there are times when you don’t enjoy the act, yet, for some frightening reason, it still feels good.” His chest felt tight. “God, I’ve never…I’ve never told anyone that before.”

Angelica’s hands flew to her heart. “Oh, Brody.”

“You’re not a whore because you’ve given yourself to men. You’re not a slut because you like sex. I certainly don’t consider myself any of those things,” he confessed. “People might say that you wanted what happened with Peter, or that you deserved it because of the choices you’ve made. Or, hell, even because of the choices that I’ve made. But if anything like that ever happens again, don’t be afraid to scream. Don’t be afraid to run. You never have to endure anybody’s hands on you—not even mine. Alright?”

He continued, “I know I said some unkind things when we first got together. Hypocritical things that I had no right to think, let alone speak. If I’ve done anything to make you feel ashamed, then I am sorry. You are a passionate, sensual woman, Angelica. I love everything about you, and I never want you to be anything other than who you are.”

She wrapped her arms around him, and hugged him tightly. “Thank you.”

A little of the tension had left her, and he hoped his words brought some comfort. He understood all too well how the guilt lingered. How the demons of one’s past nipped at one’s heels. The last thing Brody wanted was for her to carry the burden of what Peter had done.

What had happened did not change how he saw her, or how he felt about her. Angelica Grey was a strong woman who had lived a difficult life. She’d made some poor decisions, but she didn’t deserve to suffer for them—and she didn’t intend to. If anything, her resilience, her bravery in the face of so much adversity, only made him love her more.





CHAPTER FORTY





As if by some miracle, Marcus and Mr. Lawton switched seats. She felt certain that Captain Neill had pre-arranged the whole thing, and she was forever grateful. Peter Lawton used the change of seating as an opportunity to both flirt with Cynthia, and put himself forward as a potential suitor for Mary Rose.

The man played the game very well.

If Marcus knew anything about the debacle, he never said so. He was a true gentleman. Angelica chatted happily between the two brothers, forgetting for a moment that she had nearly destroyed her relationship with Captain Neill. He’d forgiven her, of course, but could never know just how close she’d come to giving in to Peter’s seduction. Her heart and mind had recoiled, yet her body responded shamefully. Perhaps she wasn’t as experienced with men as she’d believed herself to be—she’d only been with two, after all. A man like Peter Lawton had probably bedded hundreds of girls.

Angelica retreated into herself as her thoughts drifted to Mr. Lawton. Conversation carried on around her, but she grew quiet. Only Mrs. Neill’s voice cutting through the din brought her back.