The Silent: Irin Chronicles Book Five(31)

A torrent of images fell in her mind. Leo with his arms around her during the Battle of Vienna, his presence and touch the only armor against the violence surrounding them. His embrace in Rěkaves and the solid wall of his chest at her back. The kiss in the night market. The thrill and the peace of it. When Leo touched her, the voices stopped. She could hear him, clear and resonant, but his voice sang to her. It was like nothing else she’d heard. She’d hungered after peace for two hundred years. With Leo, she felt it. And she craved it.

“You’re not afraid of me,” Leo said, his lips flushed red. “But you avoid me.”

“I’m not good for you,” she said.

“I don’t believe you.” He pressed her hand to his chest. “I see your heart every time we meet. And your soul is beautiful, Kyra. Why—”

“It’s not about my soul.” The futility of her life enraged her. “I may be able to touch you, Leo, but I am not Irina. I don’t have the magic they do. I don’t have the spells. Don’t you understand?”

“No!” His blue eyes were wide. “I don’t understand. I don’t care about how much magic you have. I try to get close to you, but every time we meet you leave. The minute the crisis passes, I look for you, but you—”

“I’m going to die.” She pulled her hand away. “I may not look like it yet, Leo, but I am old.”

He frowned. “You’re no older than I am.”

“You have no idea.” She shook her head.

“So explain it to me,” Leo said, his voice growing harder. “As far as I know, we are the same age. So explain why that is the reason you keep me at arm’s length when I want to know you more.”

She reached out and ran a finger along one of his tattoos, ignoring the subtle glow her touch created on his skin. It was so beautiful. Everything about him was beautiful. Every dark line was a mark he’d given himself. Each piece of magic on his skin grew from an ancient tradition she had no part in. The Irina may have said they wanted to help her, but not a single one trusted her enough to teach her the spell that would save her life.

“Which one does it?” she asked quietly. She traced a twisting line that led from his right wrist up to the tender skin at the crook of his elbow.

Leo’s voice was rough. “What?”

“Which one prolongs your life?” she asked. She forced her eyes to meet his. “Which one makes you immortal? Which spell makes time stop?”

The dawning realization in his eyes gave her no satisfaction.

“No,” he said.

“I’ve already lived far longer than any other kareshta I’ve known. I should have died decades ago, but Jaron was feeding Kostas and me his energy. Now he’s gone, and—”

“No!” Leo shouted. “I don’t know the Irina spell, but I know the Irin spell. I can draw it on you. If we mated—”

“For life?” She shook her head. “The Irin mate for life, Leo. That’s not fair to you. And I won’t—”

“Why not? I’m the one suggesting it.”

She refused to let the tears come to her eyes. “How would we ever know? How could you ever know if I tied myself to you because of you or because you saved my life? What kind of mate would I be, never knowing if my feelings for you were because—”

“Bullshit.” His lips firmed into a line. “Stop it, Kyra.”

“You think I’m saying… bullshit?”

“I think you’ve had feelings for me from the beginning. Just like I’ve had feelings for you. When we were in Vienna, were you thinking about dying? When I held you and protected you, were you thinking about me giving you my magic so you could live longer?”

“Yes.” She could hardly hear her own voice.

Leo’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Of course I was,” she said. “If you were dying and you wanted to live, what would you be thinking of? If mating with another would save your life, what would you be focused on, Leo?”

He didn’t say a word.

“The kareshta have no power in this world,” she said. “We walk around with a bleeding wound in our mind, at the mercy of the humans and Grigori around us. The Irina spells are a bandage a few of us have been given, but we don’t own it. We don’t own that magic. We don’t have any real power. Do you think every one of the kareshta finding their way to scribe houses and mating with the Irin is looking for true love? They want to live, Leo. They want to be safe. The Irin can make them safe.”

“So it was all about protecting yourself.” His eyes were blank, staring at the cut frangipani on the table. “You let me touch you—hold you—because you wanted me to protect you?”

“Of course I did. Anyone would. I was vulnerable to everything then.”

His eyes narrowed, looked up, and met hers. “And now?”

“What about now?”

“Now, Kyra.” He shifted into her space. “Now, when you’re not as vulnerable. Now, when I touch you. Are you thinking about me giving you my magic?”

Yes. No. “That’s not all, but—”

“When I kissed you at the night market”—his head dipped and his lips hovered over hers—“you were thinking about my longevity spells?”