The Row(53)

“Oh … okay. What is it?” I sit down at the table with my fruit bowl but don’t eat anything yet.

“Your mama told me about your visit with your father after the hearing. She told me what he said.” His tone bites at me. My body feels chilled all over.

I sigh, willing him to understand. “Then you also need to know that he said later that it was a lie. He said he’d lost hope and wanted us to be free to move on … that’s all.”

“Hush. No need to get defensive.” He clears his throat and I hear pain in his voice for the first time. “I promise not to give up on him. Not until someone proves to me, without a doubt, that he’s guilty. And if that hasn’t happened in nearly twelve years, I don’t expect it to happen now.”

I release a shaky breath of relief. “Thank you.”

He pauses briefly before continuing. “Don’t thank me yet. I want you to do something for me now.”

“What’s that?” I stir a red grape around in my bowl as I listen.

“Consider not visiting this week.” These words come lightning fast, like he’s not entirely committed to saying them and he needs to get this out now or never.

I don’t answer. I don’t know what to say. I drop my spoon with a clatter and roll my eyes. “What did she do to convince you to take her side?”

Complete silence stretches out on the other end for long enough that I look at my phone to be certain we weren’t disconnected. Then Mr. Masters’s voice cuts through the quiet like a red-hot sword. “She did nothing, young lady. You aren’t the only one struggling at the moment. You know better than to believe that. Luck has bitten your family too many times over the last decade and you need to start sticking together.”

He’s never spoken to me quite like that before and it shocks me. I whisper back quietly, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Very well then,” he replies, much gentler this time. “Sometimes distance gives us perspective. My advice is what it is. Take it or leave it. I’m just working on turning that luck around for all of you.”

“I promise to think about it.” I swallow hard, already knowing that my words are a lie. It isn’t that I don’t trust Mr. Masters to try to do what he says. It’s simply one single word in his plea that made up my mind for me—the word luck. Daddy has never had luck go his way.

Chance is not our friend. And karma is our enemy.

I hate all the terms people use to explain some hidden force in the universe that’s intended to balance the scales in favor of the good or the righteous. According to everything we’ve been given so far, our family doesn’t deserve any balance. We don’t deserve any help.

So screw all of them. Screw chance, fate, karma, luck, providence, and everything in between. With only fifteen days left, I’m certainly not waiting around for them to show up now.

“Actually, instead of me not going”—I talk faster, as it sounds like he’s getting ready to end the call—“what if we went together?”

His end of the line is silent for a few seconds before he responds, but I can hear the curiosity in his voice. “What exactly do you have in mind?”





24

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS VISIT to Polunsky feels strange. It isn’t like I’ve never been for a visit when Mr. Masters was also there, but it’s been a while. It’s a Wednesday, and we are sitting here waiting for Daddy. I’m not sure I’ve ever been to Polunsky on a Wednesday. Plus, we aren’t in our normal visitation room. This room is saved for privileged discussions between lawyer and client. There is no physical contact here, but we will have more privacy. The room is longer, not much wider. There are still the same dingy white cinder-block walls. I chew on my nail and ask myself again if bringing Mr. Masters and Daddy together is a good idea.

The best I can hope for is that watching the two of them might give me new information or insight into the case that I haven’t had before. And at worst, I still plan to visit Daddy on Friday, so I get to sneak in a bonus visit. Which is not normally allowed, but since I’m coming in with Daddy’s lawyer during his regularly scheduled visit, and Warden Zonnberg likes me, they’re going to let me get away with it.

I nudge Mr. Masters lightly with my elbow as he flips through a couple of papers in his file. “I don’t think I’m going to bring up his—” I choke on the word affair. I’m still processing this new information and I don’t feel like I’m ready to hear Daddy defend himself in this arena yet. Plus, I don’t want Mr. Masters to be punished for telling me. The last thing I want is to let my emotions get the best of me and storm out again. Not when he has so little time left.

“Indiscretion?” Mr. Masters fills in a gentler word on my behalf and then reaches one arm around my shoulders to give me a quick hug. “This is your show, Miss Riley. And that’s your business when you want to bring that up. I just hope this accomplishes your goal.”

“Me too. I guess I mostly just want to watch the way he interacts with you. See if he’s telling you the same things he’s telling me.” I don’t know exactly what I hope to learn from this, but I’m here now, so I might as well see it through. I hug Mr. Masters back and the guard opens the door and leads Daddy in.

Daddy doesn’t look surprised to see me, and there is something wary in his eyes as he watches me step away from Mr. Masters and take my seat. The guard secures him to the table and reminds me that touching isn’t allowed in this room. Emotions fight within me as I search his face. As always, part of me feels happier just to be near him, but now that part is bombarded with so many other conflicting feelings. Worry because he doesn’t look like he’s sleeping well. Dread because the countdown to his impending execution is always present in the back of my mind. And a significant amount of anger at knowing this man cheated on Mama, betrayed our family, and then lied about it.