The Redemption(19)

“Nope, you don’t have anything to prove. Not to me or anyone else, except maybe yourself.”

“I don’t understand what you’re doing?”

“Don’t you?”

“No, I don’t.”

A loud thud behind me causes me to look over my shoulder. Johnny sits in a chair near the other, guitar in hand. “You lead. I’ll follow,” he says.

I can’t hide my panic. “No. I don’t have time for music anymore.”

“Wow,” Johnny says, looking disappointed. “That’s pretty damn sad, Rochelle.”

“Sad as it may be, I have different priorities these days.”

Johnny leans forward resting his elbows on his knees, chin in hand, rubbing it in thought. “Music isn’t something that comes in and out of our lives when it’s convenient. Music defines us, filling the holes that others have left behind.”

My hands start shaking. “I can’t. I just can’t.” Walking around Dex, I head for the side of the stage and rush down the steps to the exit doors. The sun blinds me when the door flies open. I move to the side, away from the door, and into the shadows. It’s been well over a year since I last played and I remember every second of it. The studio recordings took every ounce of what was left of me. The guys wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I filled in for Cory on the last record. But once we were done, I was done as well. The nightmares started and I haven’t gone near any of the guitars in our house since. That part of my life has been packed away just like the instruments.

“It’s times like these that I still wish I smoked.”

I spy Johnny out of the corner of my eye and my shoulders drop in ease from seeing my friend. “You don’t?” I ask.

He leans against the cinderblock wall and shakes his head. “Holliday would kick my ass. She has this seventh sense that alerts her when I’m screwing up.”

“She wants you to live a long life.”

“Yeah, I guess she does,” he says with a smile that’s more reflective of his love for his wife than for me.

“Holli loves you.”

“We all have the capacity to love more than we think we’re capable of.”

“Are you talking about Holli or me?”

“Might be about you.”

“Since when did my love life become the band’s pet project?” I lightly kick his foot with mine.

“When did you stop playing?”

“The day I left the studio.”

“Why?”

Taking a moment, I look down at my shoes, noticing all the scuff marks on them. “Music was something I did with Cory, for him, because of him.”

“You played before you met him.”

“I messed around.”

“No, you’re just forgetting the details.” He pushes off the wall and reaches for the doorknob. “That passion still lives inside you.” He pats his chest over his heart.

“Then how do I find it again?”

“It will find you when you’re ready.” The door closes and I’m left there in awe. His lyrics speak so justly of the man behind them and Johnny Outlaw sure knows how to deliver a line.

I go back inside and find Dex in the dressing room waiting on sound check to begin. “Hey, gotta sec?” I sit down next to him.

“For you.” He leans back on the couch, his sticks in hand while tapping rhythmically on his leg.

“I want to thank you for what you did. It was very thoughtful.”

“We’ve had some good sessions over the years. We should do that again… maybe when I come over in a few weeks.”

Bouncing my palm lightly on his knee, I say, “Maybe. I might need some more time with that too.”

His drumsticks pause and he says, “Time is something we take for granted.”

“I think I know that better than anyone.”

The beat continues as he starts up again and says, “I lost my dad when I was eight years old.”

Taken by surprise by the admission, I exhale. I knew his dad had died before I met him, but I didn’t know Dex was so young. My heart thumps in my chest and I place my hand over his hand, stilling his rhythm. His sticks stop and he takes them in one hand, then covers mine with the other.

A guy opens the door and I pull my hand away reflexively. He says, “Sound check is up. The new snare is on the kit and tested, but they want final approval.”

I lay back and push Dex up. “Go. I’ll be around later after the show.”

With that smile that drives me wild, he asks, “You sure you don’t want to join us on stage?”

“I’m positive. Thanks for the offer though.”

I watch his ass as he walks out the door, simply because he has a great ass. Then I kick my feet up on the coffee table and drop my head back while closing my eyes. The panic has subsided and my heart becomes all mushy thinking about his sweet gesture. Shaking my head, I smile. Dex is a very unexpected, but a wonderful surprise in my life.





I head back to the hotel to change before the show. Lara traveled to Boston on an earlier flight than us and is checked into our room already. Having her there helps keep the drunken lines with Dex from blurring. She knows to hold me accountable for my actions.