The Presence of Grace (Love and Loss #2)(46)

“I want this,” she said, arching her back further. “I want you, Devon.” Her hands smoothed up my arms and over my shoulders, pulling at my shirt. I leaned back to pull it off and watched as she slid her shirt up and over her head as well.

My mouth immediately went to the swell of her breast, my hand cupping the other over her bra. Slowly, pieces of clothing came off and we explored each other’s bodies. We were in no hurry and I took every opportunity to memorize and taste every part of her.

We were hot breaths, writhing bodies, and thumping heartbeats.

“Devon,” she rasped, slowly coming down from a high. “I don’t want anything between us.”

I stilled at her words, caught off guard. There were condoms just a few feet from us in my nightstand. I’d made a special trip to the drug store on my own to make the purchase, but hearing those words from her caused all the breath to leave my lungs. The idea that she would give me her body, trust me in that way, and leave nothing between us, it cracked something inside me open.

“Grace,” I said, just before kissing her, “are you sure?”

“I’m clean,” she said urgently. “Every test I’ve had since my marriage ended has been clear.” She bit her lip and brought her hand to my cheek. “I’ve never felt so connected to someone, and I don’t want anything between us. Ever.”

“I’ve only been with one person that way.”

“I trust you,” she said as her thumb stroked my cheek.

“I trust you too.” My body was at its breaking point and wanted to find that high with her. “I want it too, Grace. I want to feel all of you, more than anything, but you have to know I didn’t anticipate this. I wasn’t expecting it at all.”

“I know. I wasn’t either. But being with you, here, in your arms, with your skin against mine, putting a barrier between us would feel wrong. And I want to feel everything.” She said the words as her body moved closer, tilting toward me.

I couldn’t hold back any longer. I leaned back down, kissing her as I entered her, both of us groaning at the connection.

The next few hours were spent in each other’s arms, finding every way we could to make each other’s bodies sing. So many times I wanted to tell her how I felt, that I loved her, that I needed more than just her body, but her heart and her soul as well. I thought perhaps I saw the same war going on inside her eyes, so I spent the time, instead, using my body to say the words.





Chapter Sixteen

Devon

Grace had been spending nights at my house for a while, but she had a tendency to not want the kids to see her there in the mornings. I understood, but I didn’t necessarily agree. I wanted the kids to get used to her being around, at any time of day. But I also didn’t want to make Grace uncomfortable. That was why I stood against the doorjamb and watched her car pull away from the curb, giving her a wave.

She was f*cking beautiful in the mornings and it was difficult to let her out of bed.

We spent long nights making love, then she’d disappear as soon as the sun came up, and each time I wanted to hold her to me, to make her stay.

Once her car was out of sight I shut the door and moved toward the kitchen to put my coffee cup in the sink.

My eyes were caught by the picture of Olivia hanging in the living room.

When we’d first moved to Florida, I was still trying to process Olivia’s death and even though I knew being close to my parents would help all of us, I didn’t want my kids to leave Olivia behind. I was afraid that moving from the home they’d had with her to a new one with no part of her would be upsetting. So I made sure Olivia was there, as much as she could be.

My eyes wandered throughout the living room and I took in all the photos of her. Every photo was intentional. I’d put them there so Ruby and Jax could see her and even, perhaps, feel her there. And in the beginning, it worked. I saw her face all the time.

But now, the photos were fading into the background. I only saw them if I looked for them. And I hadn’t been looking very often.

I put my coffee cup in the sink and decided to make the kids a big breakfast, or as big as I could manage. Pancakes and eggs were about my limit. One day I needed to figure out how to cook bacon on the grill outside. My mind was working on the difficult thoughts, milling them around, breaking them down, as I put the pancake mix, eggs, and milk together in the bowl and started mixing.

I made twenty pancakes and scrambled and cooked eight eggs, and my mind still hadn’t worked everything out.

When the sounds of children waking and moving around started to filter in from down the hall, I knew it would only be a few minutes before Ruby and Jaxy made their way to the kitchen, led by their noses. Going all out, I set the table, ready to have a family breakfast.

“Daddy,” Jaxy cried excitedly. “Did you make pancakes for breakfast?”

“Sure did, bud.” I pulled his chair out for him and he practically dove for it, eyes trained on the giant stack of pancakes before him. “Eggs, too.”

“Best dad ever!”

“Is it somebody’s birthday?” Ruby asked, coming into the kitchen from the hallway, eyes on the food as well.

“Nope. I was just up early and thought you guys could use a good breakfast.”

Ruby shrugged and took her seat.

We all filled our plates with food and dug in, the kids talking with full mouths, telling me what their plans were for the weekend. Most of the plans included video games and playing with the kids who lived down the street. Normal kid stuff. And it hurt my heart, but I had to bring up the topic that no kid should have to deal with.