The Presence of Grace (Love and Loss #2)(35)

“No, it wasn’t okay. None of it was. We’d spent, shit, I don’t know, ten years dancing around this strange attraction we’d had to one another, and when I lost my wife I lost the ability to make rational decisions and I f*cked it up with Evie. I didn’t f*ck a relationship up with her, because looking back on it, it never would have worked between us, but I f*cked up our friendship. She was so vulnerable. We both were. And we did things we shouldn’t have. We kissed. Once. And it was important, but only because it wasn’t. Evie and I will never be together. If we had spent a little time actually figuring that out, we wouldn’t have spent ten years wondering. Does that make sense?”

“Not even a little bit.”

I dropped my head on the pillow, frustration seeping out of me.

“I’ve told you everything that happened. All the important stuff, anyway. But there’s one more thing. I never cheated on Olivia. Not once. But I did spend a lot of time wondering what my life would have been like if I’d chosen Evie instead. And that’s the God’s honest truth. It wasn’t fair to Olivia and it wasn’t fair to Evie, either. I see that now. I learned that. So, I need you to understand that I will never, never, spend time with another woman unless I’m completely sure she’s the only one for me.”

“Okay,” she said again.

“It’s you, Grace,” I said, wrapping my arm around her waist, pulling her to my side of the bed, pressing her body against mine. “It’s you. No one else,” I whispered, my eyes taking in all of her face, trying to figure out what she was thinking by the clues in her eyes. But then my gaze landed on her lips and only one thought pounded through my head. “I’m going to kiss you. If you don’t want me to, you’re going to have to tell me.”

“Okay,” she whispered.

When it was obvious she wasn’t going to stop me, I inched forward, my lips coming softly into contact with hers. This was no banana pancake kiss; that had been spur of the moment, a kiss so quick it was over before I really knew it happened. This kiss, it was purposeful and a long time coming.

I moved my hand slowly up her cheek, then slipped behind her neck, pulling her closer, wanting her as close as possible. Her hands gripped my shirt, her fingers twisting in the material as a soft moan slipped through her lips.

My tongue gently touched her lips, asking, and when she opened for me, it was as if every tether I’d felt in the last few years had been snapped. There was nothing holding me back any longer. I angled my mouth over hers and rolled us so she was beneath me. She was with me, her fingertips finding the hem of my shirt and gliding up my torso, her knees spreading to accommodate me, then lifting to bring me into her tighter.

For over three years I’d wondered what it would feel like to be with a woman again, to feel a warm body below me, to be consumed by the scent of someone other than my wife. Grace felt nothing like Olivia. She was different and new and fantastic. The guilt I thought I would feel was absent, the longing for something I’d never have again not even a thought in my mind. What I was thinking about was how soft Grace’s lips were, how wonderful it felt when she used her ankle to anchor me to her, to hold me to her as though letting me go was the worst thing that could happen.

What I wasn’t prepared for were the teenage-like hormones running through me. I hadn’t needed anyone in a very long time, but I needed Grace. God, I needed her. With one forearm braced on the bed, my free hand found her waist, squeezing as I went, wanting to feel all of her. From her waist my hand traveled south, over her hip and around to her ass. I palmed her there, my fingers digging in to the jeans that covered her flesh, groaning as she wrapped her arms around me.

“Devon,” she said, her voice gravelly and rough, turning her mouth away from mine, but giving me unfettered access to her throat.

“Hmmm.” I hummed against the skin of her neck, unwilling to disconnect. My lips and tongue worshiped her there, my teeth nipping slightly, eliciting a rough and sharp inhalation from her.

“It’s been a while…,” she started, but then ended on a moan as I found a spot behind her ear she seemed to be particularly fond of. “Since I’ve… oh, God….”

I couldn’t help but smirk against her, loving the fact that I was scrambling her thoughts with my mouth.

“It’s just, I’m not sure I’m ready….” Her words trailed away again, but I got the impression it was less about me and more about her. She wasn’t ready. So even though it would pain me later, I pulled away, immediately finding her eyes with my own.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered immediately. “You being here was the last thing I expected, and I hadn’t planned on you, and even though my body is really enjoying what you’re doing to it, my brain is really insistent that we slow down.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Grace. But can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” she breathed.

“What is your heart insisting on?”

She blinked up at me, nothing but patience and vulnerability. “It’s begging me not to let you break it.”

I looked at her for a moment, not sure I’d ever had anyone speak words to me that were so completely full of truth and fear and hope. Then I leaned down and kissed her again, only that time it was slow and soft.



An hour later, after Grace had showered and changed and we’d stopped for coffee, I was driving her back to the bar to get her car.