The Presence of Grace (Love and Loss #2)(28)

So why hadn’t he called? Or texted?

I had to be at work at the bar in two hours and I knew it would drive me crazy the whole time. I picked my phone up off my bedside table and decided to take the matter into my own hands, tapping away a message that showed I was concerned, but more importantly, didn’t make me sound like a crazy stalker.

**How’s Ruby feeling?**

See? I was giving him a way out, giving him the perfect opportunity to reply and tell me how sick she’s been, how he’d probably be busy parenting for the foreseeable future, and then he could blow me off with a proper text message good-bye.

Minutes passed and I watched them tick by as I checked my Facebook page and even stupidly tried to get back into the book I’d been reading when I fell asleep on Devon’s couch. That only resulted in having to reread the same paragraph five times.

When my phone finally buzzed in my hands, I thought for sure I was imagining it. But then the little icon showed up at the top of my screen and I lost my breath.

**Hey. Ruby’s doing fine now. We just kind of stayed low for a few days. But, fear not, she’s back to her preteen self, attitude and all.**

Okay, so it wasn’t the I’m so glad you texted me because I’ve been thinking about you for days I was hoping for, but it also wasn’t the Look, you really need to get over me I was expecting, either. It was a nice response to my question, with a little cute dad humor thrown in for good measure. Gah. Dad humor. He was a good dad. Watching him with Jax and Ruby was always endearing, but watching him take care of one of his kids was the ultimate in ovarian disruption. But now, damn him, he’d thrown the ball back in my court.

It took me a few minutes and a lot of typing and then backspacing before I was finally satisfied with my response.

**I’m glad she’s doing better. I’ve been worried.**

There. Short and sweet. Not the least bit crazy stalker. It took just a minute but he responded.

**Sorry I haven’t called. After you left things got a little sticky with Ruby, and I’d like to talk to you about it, but not over the phone. I needed a few days with the kids. I hope you understand.**

My mind immediately went back to the kitchen and Ruby asking me if I’d been on a date with her father, and suddenly I had a pretty good idea of why he’d been distant. On top of that, I felt really stupid for even thinking he owed me any kind of communication. Besides, I knew exactly what happened when you got your heart set on something and then had it taken away from you—disappointment.

**Of course I understand. No explanation necessary. I’m glad she’s feeling better.**

And that was the coward in me texting. I regretted the message the instant I sent it. But he didn’t seem fazed by it. Texting with someone you liked, especially when the relationship was new and complicated, was never a good idea. Of course, if we were talking on the phone, I’m sure there would be no way to hide the ache in my voice and he’d know I was hanging on every word, just hoarding them and tucking them away for a time when I could sit and run them through my mind over and over again.

**You’re working tonight, right? And all weekend, I imagine. Can I see you on Monday? Another try at dinner? Afterward there will be a surprise.**

An immediate wave of sadness washed over me. How many times would we have to try? If there was anything my last relationship taught me, it was that trying too hard was sometimes just as destructive as not trying hard enough. Would relationships always be difficult? Would I always feel as though I had to just keep giving and giving until I had nothing left? And was I willing to give with Devon? Could I take the risk? Sign up for another dinner, another date, with “second try” written all over it?

My thumbs hovered over my phone as my mind turned in a million directions, trying to figure out what the best and least-destructive path would be. My eyes closed and I pictured Devon with his kids, the way he ruffled Jax’s hair and kissed the top of Ruby’s head, and my heart lurched. I remembered the way his mouth so tentatively touched mine, as though he were afraid I would break.

It was then it occurred to me, with somewhat of a jolting realization, that I wasn’t fragile at all. I had lived through some of the most horrible situations—things I wouldn’t wish on anyone, ever—and I was still here, pushing through each day. Devon had endured more heartbreak than I had, easily. But he was still trying.

**I’d really like to see you again.**

I sent the text message and no sooner had I pressed the button did my phone ring in my hands, showing a call from Shelby, almost as if she knew I needed someone to talk to at that exact moment.

“Your best friend ESP is on point today,” I said in greeting.

“Really? That’s awesome. What do you need?” I could hear her smile through the phone and it went a long way to ease the anxiety coursing through me.

“Do you remember that guy I went to Disney World with? The parent of one of my students?”

“Yeah….”

“We’ve seen each other a few times in the last couple weeks, but our last date went downhill fast.”

“Oh, damn. What happened?”

“We went out to dinner but had to leave early because his daughter, Ruby, got sick and he had to take her to the ER. I stayed with him because he seemed like he could use the help, and I wanted to, but the whole thing was a disaster. I ended up sleeping on his couch and when Devon finally woke up, everything was awkward, until he kissed me, and then I didn’t hear from him—”