The Orphan's Tale(68)

“I am with you to the end,” she says, voice quavering slightly.

“Let’s not talk about it anymore tonight,” I say, patting her hand.

Noa nods in agreement and her eyes travel back toward the party. “The wedding was beautiful,” she offers. “I dream of such things.” I try not to laugh. The gathering in the woods is simple, far from elegant. “Doesn’t every girl?” Noa adds. “Will you take his name?”

I had not considered the question. Then I shake my head. I had changed who I was once; I could not do it again. “What were you doing all the way out here anyway? We should get back.” I start toward the party but Noa does not follow. Her eyes travel in another direction, away from the fairgrounds.

“You aren’t thinking of going to that boy again are you?” I ask.

“No, of course not,” she says too quickly.

“Nothing but trouble can come of that. And you promised,” I remind her.

“Yes,” she replies. “I’m just tired, and I want to check on Theo. I had Elsie put him down after the ceremony.” I study her face, trying to decide whether to believe her.

“Astrid,” I hear Peter’s voice, fueled by liquor, call too loudly from the party.

“I need to get back,” I say.

“I understand.” Noa squeezes my hand. “And about before...thank you.” Her voice is filled with gratitude.

And then she turns and walks toward the train. I want to call after her and warn her again, but I do not. Instead, I start back to the gathering.





17

Noa

Starting away from Astrid toward the train, I smile. I had known about the wedding. Peter had confided in me just a few hours earlier and I conspired with him to surprise Astrid. I’d fretted that she might mind—Astrid was not one for surprises—but now I am glad to have been part of the plan.

Peter and Astrid are together now, and about to become a family. She seems happy, really happy, for the first time since I’ve known her. I’m happy for her, but I can’t help but wonder if things will change, whether Astrid will stay with Peter every night and become somehow less mine.

I am suddenly lonely. Luc appears in my mind. I haven’t seen him since the night Theo had fallen ill a week earlier. I hadn’t been able to meet him the next night after the show as he asked—Theo, though better, had still been weak and I had not wanted to risk leaving him. So I’d left Luc a note in the belly box: Brother sick. Can’t come tonight. My note had disappeared so I had known he read it. Or so I hoped—what if someone else had found it? Even though I’d been vague on purpose, there would still be questions. For days there had been no response and I’d wondered if Luc could have lost interest so soon after our kiss, or had simply given up.

I walk to the belly box now, scarcely daring to hope. Inside is a scrap of a page from a circus program, so crumpled that I wonder if someone had mistaken the compartment for a trash bin. I smooth out the paper. A message is written on the back in blurry charcoal: Tried to come see you. Liked watching you dance. Meet me at the town museum.

Luc had been here tonight and had seen me dancing. I flush, excited and embarrassed at the same time. How had I not known? Worry nags at me then. The wedding was meant to be a secret. He should not have been here. But some part of me is sure that I could trust him.

I study the note once more. Meet me at the museum. I know the building he means. But the old museum, which stands right in the center of town, is such an odd meeting place. And it is well past curfew. I can’t possibly go there.

I had promised Astrid, too, that I would not see Luc again. I turn back now, searching for her, but she has disappeared into the gathering. Astrid will be with Peter tonight; surely she will not notice if I am gone. Still, the smart thing to do would be to stay at the wedding party until it is over and then go back to Theo. But we will be leaving soon and I might never see Luc again.

I look in the direction of the train, needing to go check on Theo before I go anywhere. Inside the sleeper carriage, Theo lies awake on the berth, as if waiting for me. I pick him up and hold him to me, inhaling his warm, sleepy smell. I’ve been constantly worried since he became ill, as if reminded how very fragile he is, how he might be lost in an instant.

Elsie stands from the adjacent berth, where she had been knitting. “Oh, good, you’re back,” she says. “Still time for me to join a bit of the party before it ends.”

“I’m not back, that is...” I search for an explanation why I need her to watch Theo longer. But before I can finish, she skips from the train.

I think about calling after her, then decide against it. “Just you and me,” I say to Theo, who gurgles his approval. I look from Theo to the door of the train and back again, wondering what to do. Do I dare bring him with me?

I step out into the chilled night air, then stop. It is irresponsible to take Theo out like this. But if I want to see Luc, there’s no other choice. I wrap him inside my coat.

I start away from the train, ducking low and clinging to the edge of the circus grounds so as not to be seen as I hurry for the cover of the trees. Once sheltered by the forest, I start in the direction of the village, finding my way slowly through the woods so as not to trip on one of the many tree roots and rocks that jut out from the hard, uneven earth. The path is the same one that Astrid had shown me the first day I had gone into Thiers, but it is eerie now, dark shadows seeming to loom between the trees. This time it is just Theo and me, alone in the woods as we had been the night we were found by the circus. I shiver, the fear and despair of that moment falling over me once more. Dried branches crackle beneath my feet, seeming to give us away. My skin prickles, as though someone might leap out of the bushes at any moment.