The Loose Ends List(37)

Uncle Billy rushes down the gangway and past them to find an Internet cafe. Now that Wes has confided in me about the baby, I hear whispered blow-by-blows about the adoption process ten times a day. We watch Vito’s kids, otherwise known as the Ornaments, scatter for twenty minutes of port shopping. From here, the town looks more like Switzerland than Brazil, with gingerbread buildings and a massive German beer sign hanging from a lamppost.

The crowd grows, and we realize the people are surrounding a man. They’re hugging him and hanging on him. A few young women sob uncontrollably as children stand around looking confused and scared.

“Those are definitely a lot of blond people, for Brazil,” Janie says.

The ship horn blows a warning that we’ll soon be disembarking from this strange little alleged Nazi port. We take turns with the binoculars. The moaning and sobbing grows to a crescendo when Eddie walks out to escort the patient onto the ship. He’s hunched over, almost skeletal. At first I can’t figure out who he looks like. Then the bright light of the ramp shines on him and it hits me. He’s Gollum from Lord of the Rings. I watched that trilogy with Rachel a hundred times. I know a Gollum when I see one. I can almost picture him uttering precious as he turns to wave a craggy hand at the crowd. A woman lunges at the ship as the crew pulls in the ramp. I guess alleged Nazis have loved ones, too.

Gollum has come to die all by himself.

It’s dark now. The lights from the little German town sitting precariously on the edge of Brazil twinkle like a fairy village.



Paige comes over with leftover pizza after she puts Grace to bed in her parents’ cabin. We tell her about the town and the alleged Nazi.

“I’m sure he’s not a Nazi, you guys. The poor old man is coming on the ship all by himself. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.” Paige is so nice that it makes me feel bad. She’s lucky she’s not part of my judgy family.

Paige tries on a bunch of my clothes for tomorrow night’s Latin dance party and settles on a black sequined dress that fits like a glove. It feels like a sleepover with the E’s.

“Let me do your makeup,” Janie says.

“Don’t make me look like a ho,” Paige says. “Or you can. Why not? I’ll surprise Lane when he gets back from poker. I’ve never been a ho. It could be fun.”

By the time Janie’s finished, Paige is the prettiest mom I’ve ever seen.

“I’m going down to Holly’s to help her sort pictures.” Janie leaves Paige and me to eat gummy bears and read magazines.

“This is heaven,” she says. “I haven’t done this since long before Grace. Enjoy these little things. When you have a baby, it all goes away.” She gets up and reaches for a bottle of water. She stops and tilts her head and stares at me.

“What? Why are you looking at me funny?” I say.

Paige’s arm curls in and goes stiff. Her body starts shaking, and she falls to the floor. She looks up, dazed, and her arm shoots out violently.

“Paige!” I yell. “Oh my God.”

Her eyes roll back, and she makes a grunting sound. I freeze.

There’s a weak voice inside me. It tells me to get help. I rush past Paige. Her arm doesn’t stop punching at air. I run out to the hall and scream, “Help! Help me.”

Jeb comes running out in his boxer shorts. “What? What, Maddie?”

Camilla comes out after him in underwear and a tank top. She follows me into the cabin. Paige’s entire rigid body has moved across the floor.

“She’s having a seizure. It’s okay. It’s just a seizure. Jeb, move those shoes and the stuff away from her.” Camilla presses the EMERGENCY button on my wall. She kneels down and firmly pushes Paige onto her side.

The nurses arrive within a minute or two. Paige is still thrashing. Her eyes are open and stare straight ahead. They’re dead eyes. “Go on out, honey,” a nurse with a Southern accent says. “We’ll get her comfortable. Go on. Give us a little space to work.”

Jeb holds my arm gently and guides me toward the elevators. “I need to tell Lane.” I feel my lips moving, but everything is happening in slow motion.

“Come on. We’ll find him. Let’s go down to the poker room.” Camilla runs out of Jeb’s room, fully dressed.

I walk slowly with a stitch in my side.

“That was intense,” Jeb says. “I feel so bad for her.”

I can’t breathe.

There’s laughter coming from the poker room. Why is everything funny? None of this is funny. It’s awful. I stand in the doorway. Mom sees me first.

“Maddie, what’s wrong?”

“Paige had a bad seizure. Maddie was with her,” Jeb says.

I walk like a zombie toward Lane. He’s at the back table wearing a baseball hat backward, pointing at Bob and yelling something with a smile.

His face changes when he sees me.

“Paige had a seizure. The nurses are with her in my room.”

“Oh, shit. I knew I shouldn’t have left her.” He gets up, but pauses next to me. “I’m so sorry. That is not easy to witness. But it’s okay. It happens all the time.”

Mom and Gloria sit me down and give me water. Enzo comes over and hugs me. I don’t want to see any of them right now. I want my gram.

“I want to sleep with Gram tonight,” the weak voice says. “I just need to be near her.”