The Letters (Carnage #4)(9)
“But anything to stop the screaming matches that go on between you two?” he interrupts.
“I scream because she takes it out of the shower. I wet my hair, and then I realise it’s missing. I don’t mind her using my stuff, as long as she puts it back where she finds it.” I let out a small huff before continuing. “We really need to have a word with her about her language, too. She’s a fourteen-year-old school girl, not a twenty-five-year-old brickie on a building site.”
He throws his head back and gives me one of his big Cameron King laughs.
It still does things to me, and my belly squirms.
“Oh my god, that’s funny! All these years, Kitten, all these years I’ve picked you up about your language, and now, your complaining that our daughter sounds just like you.”
“But I don’t swear around the kids, you dropped the F bomb more than once this morning when you were shouting at them.”
“We were shagging, they wouldn’t leave the room. Then the dogs tried to join the party. Of course I bloody swore.”
We’re both quiet for a few seconds. I assume, that like me, he’s reliving this morning’s embarrassing events in his head, which I know are going to lead him back to what he really wants to know.
“I opened that old crate, the one that’s labelled ‘Sean’s Stuff’.”
“I know, I saw.”
I nod my head and chew on my lip again for a few seconds.
“He would’ve been fifty this year, and Tom and Billy have agreed to play at the Triple M event to mark the occasion. Conner Reed is gonna play lead, like he did the other year, and Marley is gonna front the band.”
He brushes the back of his knuckles over my left cheek and lets out a long sigh.
“Why’d you need to open the box?”
“Marley’s been trying to write a new song for the band to perform. I thought maybe there might be something amongst all of the stuff in there that might help him out. Marley’s great with the music, but it was nearly always Sean that wrote the lyrics.”
He puffs his cheeks and purses his lips, they roll together as he blows out air. He looks over my shoulder, either unable or unwilling to meet my gaze. My belly twists and turns in on itself. He’s not happy about this.
“Kitten …” he sighs out my name, and I get goose bumps across my skin. “I’ve always supported you. Every year, I’ve done whatever I can to help out with this event, and I will always do that. You’ve achieved great things and helped untold charities and I couldn’t be more proud of you, I really couldn’t.” I hold my breath as I wait for the “but”.
“But …” And here it comes. “You, are my priority. When I come home early from a business trip and find you curled in the foetal position on a cold hard floor, surrounded by empty wine bottles, alone and sobbing, well, that’s when I can’t help but think you need to take a step back.”
I close my eyes when I realise he had come home and seen me crying. I’d had my Beats on, Bluetoothing my music through them so I didn’t wake the kids, and obviously missed his arrival. I feel a combination of guilt and shame as I consider how he must have felt walking in on that scene.
“I’m sorry you came home to that,” I whisper, but he just shakes his head.
“Don’t be sorry, I’ve told you a million times never to be sorry for feeling what you do, that’s not the issue, Kitten, it never has been.”
He rubs the tips of his fingers up and down my bare arms, once again causing goose bumps to spread down my spine to my toes, despite the fact that I suddenly feel too hot.
“The issue is with you deliberately seeking out something that you know is going to upset you so badly. That, and the fact that I’m not overly impressed with you knocking back two bottles of wine when you’re here on your own with the kids.”
I remain silent as I fight the urge to jump in guns blazing to defend myself. I try to remain quiet and calm when I do speak.
“I didn’t drink two bottles, it was one and a bit, the first one was open and only had about a half glass worth in it. And I’m not deliberately seeking out things that are gonna upset me. I was looking for lyrics to pass on to Marley, and I decided that while I did that, I might as well go through everything that was in there. That bloody box has sat there long enough, it needs sorting through.”
“Why, why now?”
“Because it’s sat there taunting me for long enough. I should’ve done it years ago, I shouldn’t have left it this long.”
“Well, it’s because you’ve always known how f*cking upset it would make you.” I shrug my shoulders.
“Regardless, it needs doing. It’s going to upset me no matter how long I wait, so I might as well just get it done. There could be something useful in there, something that Marls can work his magic on and raise money with.”
He slides one hand around the back of my neck and pulls me in for a long lazy kiss. He lets out another long sigh as he breaks away.
“All right, I understand all that. But you do it now while I’m around and not when you’re here all on your own. What the f*ck would the kids think if they saw you in that state?”
I nod my head in agreement. As usual, I’m wrong and he’s right. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done it while I was here by myself. I had a few wines for courage, but they just ended up making me feel even more emotional.”