The Letters (Carnage #4)(5)

I go into my study and get a throw from the wingback chair I have in there. She’s gonna have a stiff neck and a sore head when she wakes up, so the least I can do is keep her warm.

I drink my coffee, as well as the one I made her, and decide to keep reading. I don’t care if she’s gonna be pissed off with me later. If she’s been through all of these and they’ve upset her, then I wanna know about it. If they’re full of poncy words and bullshit, I wanna know that too. What can I say, I’m a nosey f*cker, and if it involves my wife, I wanna know it all.

I slide down on the floor next to Georgia and start with the pile that’s next to her.

-

So what now, G? I just give up? You think by ignoring my calls and letters that's it, the end of us? Coz that will never f*cking happen. Ignore me all you like, marry someone else, have ten kids with him, it won't matter. There'll still be an us. There’ll always be an us.

That looks like anus haha and don't marry anyone else. Fuck, don't even go out with anyone else, and definitely don't have any kids. Beau and Lilly remember? Our babies, G. The babies we're gonna have. We still have to think of a name for our other boy. I was thinking about it the other night, what about Frankie? I think your dad would like that. Beau, Frankie, and Lilly, our kids. Mine and yours.

Fuck, I miss you so f*cking much. I don't know what I can say to fix this. I f*cked up, I know I f*cked up massively, but this is us, we’re talking about, Sean and Georgia. Georgia and Sean. We’re meant to be, baby, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, there’ll always be an us, and you know it. You f*cking know it, G.

Why won’t you just talk to me?

Ok, don’t even do that, just answer the phone when I call and let me talk, just let me tell you how much I love and miss you. Your smell, your touch, your soft skin, and those beautiful blue eyes. Your mouthy Essex attitude, even your temper, G, and your tits—f*ck, I miss your tits, your perfect, perfect tits. Every part of me aches. My heart, my soul, and my bones, they all ache for you, baby, so much, so, so much.

I have to go now. We’re in Birmingham, Jimmie’s here with Len. You should be here with me, and you f*cking know it.

I love you, I miss you. I’ll call you tomorrow morning around 8 after your dad’s gone. Pick up the phone, G. Please, please pick up the phone.

I love you Gia, with everything I am, I love and miss you. Just pick up the phone and talk to me baby. Let me put this right.

Sean xxx



Georgia, Georgia give us a kiss

Georgia, Georgia show us ya tits.

That’s all I’ve got.

Just wanted ya to know that I’m thinking of you.

Love and miss you baby xxx





Georgia, today has been really hard. We’re in our new shared house near the studios in West London. We had a day off today, and everyone has gone out, except me. I had nowhere to go. This is where I live, but it’s not my home. It’s the place where I eat and sleep. Where I shower and wash my clothes. It’s where I exist, barely, but it’s not my home. My only home is wherever you are. Home is you, the taste of you, the feel of you, the smell of you.

Today, I spent alone. Today, like all the others lately, I spent homeless, because without you, that’s what I’ll always be.

I love you, Gia. You know that, it never changes, not even when I think I hate you. Even then, I know deep, deep down that it’s just another way of loving you. I hope you read this one day. I hope you read this and finally understand, finally get it. Xxx



I wrote a new song, but your brothers, yeah, two of them and your best friend weren’t impressed, and I got a punch in the mouth off all of them. I might just make it anyway. I might just go solo on this one and put it out there by myself, what d’ya reckon?

What should I call it? I was thinking “A Song for G”, or how about “Fuck You, Baby”. How’s that sound?

You called this on.

Now you've got your way.

Time for me to move along.

Tomorrow's another day.

Fuck you, baby, I did my best

Fuck you, baby, now I'll go f*ck the rest.



I tried to reason, to make you see sense

But you walked away ... No recompense.

You gave me no chance to talk or say my sad goodbyes You ignored my pleas, ignored my cries.

So f*ck you, baby, now I'll go f*ck the rest.

I f*cked you baby … You weren’t the best.



When you meet another, which I'm sure you will.

Just remember me and the way I can make you feel.

When he slides inside you, and when he holds you tight, I hope you think and dream of me, all through the night.

When he pushes deep and looks into your cold hard eyes.

When he says and does those things only I know you like, Don't you forget that I was your first, the first to hear your moans, the first to make you sighs.



So, f*ck you, baby. My time here is done.

I'm through crying, time for me to have some fun.

Fuck you, baby, maybe see you around some time.

Then you can join all the others and wait your turn in line.

You like that? Hurts doesn’t it? Well good. At least if it hurts, it means you still have a heart. If it weren’t for this permanent pain, this continuous ache I have in my chest, I’d be numb. I’ve got nothing else right now, G. I’m done.