The Knight (Endgame #2)(29)

“Daddy, can you hear me?”

His eyelids flutter, but after a moment he goes still again. Sleeping. Disappointment wars with relief inside me. I desperately want my ally back, my family, but I know that even he can’t be that. He needs me to give him support. He doesn’t have any left himself.

I leave the book of history on the table and pull out the diary. I stayed up late last night, reading from the beginning. One story of her and Nina Thomas sneaking out of a coming-out ball to take a canoe across the lake had me giggling through my tears. She wasn’t quite as proper of a lady as I was told, but that only makes me love her more.

She longed for adventure before she settled into her role as a society wife.

I flip through the pages filled with her elegant, now-familiar scrawl.

And the man I truly want has no money, no standing. No chance of winning my hand. We both know that it’s impossible, but the heart doesn’t believe in boundaries.

Who was this mystery man? Did my father ever know him?

I flip ahead to a part I haven’t read yet, where she’s engaged to Daddy, and read aloud.

“‘Mother wants the best of everything. The flowers. The cake. Anything less will seem like we can’t afford it, and that would be vulgar. Of course the truth is that we can’t afford it, but Geoffrey graciously agreed to cover everything. He says we’ll share everything in a few months anyway.’”

That sounds like Daddy, incredibly generous. Completely in love.

Whatever happened with the mystery man, it hadn’t changed her decision.

“‘It seems like there’s a party every week. Officially I attend with Mother, and sometimes Father, but I always know that Geoffrey will be there. He does make me laugh.’” A smile touches my lips. “You make me laugh too, Daddy.”

But he must have smiled more before my mother died. There was always a tinge of sadness to him, as if he couldn’t stop remembering her.

The fact that I looked so similar just made it harder for him. I shudder as I remember Uncle Landon’s marriage proposal, the way I would have been a replacement for her. Disturbing. Disgusting. There’s a difference between wanting someone and loving someone. For my father, who genuinely loved my mother, the likeness had been a sad reminder of what he would never get back.

I turn the page. “‘Tonight he asked me to sneak to the boat house with him. I know he wanted to kiss me. Maybe more. I told him I couldn’t risk leaving, that we might be caught.’”

That gives me pause. I know that she sneaked out with Nina Thomas. Multiple times based on the way she described their antics. So why had she lied to Daddy back then?

But it was still a big deal to be alone with a boy then, especially in high society. It was even a big deal now in the upper echelons of Tanglewood. Girls like me were supposed to attend women-only universities, to get a nice degree in something demure, like ancient mythology, before marrying a nice boy like Justin. And only then should we have sex, according to the strict boundaries laid out by society matrons. That would have been my life. I would have gone into that darkness willingly, never knowing that the nice boys purchased women at dark-room virginity auctions. At least Gabriel Miller is honest about his intentions.

“‘He asked me where I want to go for my honeymoon,’” I read over the gentle drone of the machines. “‘I told him it doesn’t matter. As long as we’re together I can be happy anywhere.’ Well, you guys were just too adorable. I love it.”

My father murmurs something indistinct, eyes still closed.

“Can you hear me, Daddy? Do you recognize her words? I feel so much closer to her, reading this. I know her so much better. Like I can hear her voice in my head.”

No response. I hold back a sigh. He might not wake up, despite what the nurse said.

“‘And so he told me that we’re going to Greece.’” I stumble over the last word. All the times I had talked about mythology, all the times I had dreamed of visiting the ruins, he never told me he’d been. “‘He said I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, his very own Helen of Troy. We’ll leave right after the wedding, that very night.’”

My father’s head thrashes side to side. His mutters grow louder, more disturbed. Something’s bothering him. Is he in pain? But the nurse said he was doing better today.

I lean closer. “Daddy, what’s wrong?”

He makes a low keening sound. The hair on my neck rises.

“Oh God,” I whisper. “Can you hear me? Is it hearing about Mama that’s hurting you?”

“Helen,” he says, like last time.

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I thought you would like hearing her diary, but I’ll stop.”

His eyes flutter open. Confusion clouds his eyes. “Helen?”

“It’s me, Avery. I’m here.”

Slowly he focuses on me, eyes bright with tears. “There you are, my girl. I’ve missed you.”

For months I took care of him every day. Feeding him. Bathing him. I couldn’t afford the kind of full-time care he needed, so I did it myself. And it brought us closer, even if it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

“I’m sorry.”

“Where did you go?”

The day of the auction, two weeks ago, I left the house and never came back. Gabriel Miller hired a full-time nurse to compensate. But Daddy would know I was gone.