The Girl I Was Before (Falling #3)(30)

Courtney makes an excuse to leave, and Steph hugs Lexi from the side, practically pushing her in front of me to shield herself, afraid I might want some form of affectionate farewell too. Relax, Steph. I don’t want to hug you either. If I did, I’d likely choke you.

Lexi walks a few paces in front of me, watching our friends fade into the crowd and eventually another boutique. She stops, knowing her time is up. When she turns to face me, I don’t give her a chance to feed me a line.

“Tell me what that was all about. Tell me the truth—because you know I will see your lies. Tell me here, in public, right now, because I don’t care if you’re uncomfortable. I don’t want you to get to put off whatever the hell you can’t seem to pull out of your throat any longer,” I say, my voice syrupy-sweet as I keep the smile on my mouth for the benefit of the crowded mall around us.

Lexi’s posture slumps, her eyes terrified.

“Spill it,” I say, my fingers tingling like they want to hit something. I’ve never hit anything, well…not hard anyhow. But right now…I want to punch someone.

“We all know,” she says finally, and the way she relaxes, the breath leaving her chest in a whoosh, it feels like those words should be enough. Somehow, I’m supposed to know what it is they know, and the weight of that makes me even more agitated. Because I don’t know shit. And if it’s something I don’t know, then it’s either about my sister or…

“We saw it…” she says, her eyebrows raised as she leans forward to me to whisper. “Your…porn.”

You have to be f*cking kidding me!

“My…I’m sorry. Did you say…porn?” I’m actually laughing with nerves and fury as I speak.

Lexi tugs on my arm, moving us to a small cluster of seats in the middle of the mall, pushing me down into a chair nestled right next to the one she takes. I’m kind of pissed that she’s manhandling me, but I’m also freaking numb as hell, so I go along with it.

“I don’t think it’s online, but Paige…what were you thinking?” She honestly believes I’m in porn.

“Ah…ha…” I start to laugh, looking around to see who’s watching us. Nobody cares, and no one has turned their heads once. Porn. The one girl—not related to me—who has known me longest, thinks I’m an adult-film star.

“This is serious, Paige,” she says, her brow pinched, her face in intervention mode. I hate the way she keeps saying my name for emphasis. She looks ridiculous. This whole thing…it’s ridiculous.

“Lexi,” I say her name back with a little bite, and she flinches. “I am not, let me repeat, am not in a porno film.

“I saw it Paige,” she says, leaning her head to one side and affecting pity. I hold her stare for a few long seconds, the crowd behind her blurring out as women rush by with bags and high schoolers ditching class for the day swear and push one another. And then I realize…I remember.

“Oh. My. God!” I say in a short and panicked voice, standing and looking around. Still…nobody notices me. I sit back down and let my face fall into my hands.

Rush week was hell, and Chandra made us do a lot of embarrassing things. One of them was strip for the Sigma guys, and she filmed it. It was sort of innocent, and we only went down to our bra and panties—but Chandra filmed it. And last month, with Carson, he might have filmed…something else. And f*ck!

“Who showed you this? Where was it? How did they show you? Who gave it to them…” I watch her shake her head as she tries to sort through my barrage of questions.

“Steph goes to UCLA, and she lives on Tabitha Snyder’s floor. I guess Tab knows your sister and some chick on Cass’s soccer team is her cousin or something? Cass didn’t show her. I don’t think Cass even knows, if that’s what you’re worried about, but that other girl had the video and emailed it to her. She told her it was going around.”

I stand before Lexi’s done talking, and she stands with me, pulling her purse close to her body like somehow now that she’s told me the sordid secret going around about me, we’re in danger. Look out! Muggers coming out of the woodwork because there’s a stupid f*cking rumor floating around about me.

I feel her hand reach for the back of my shirt, and I shrug her off.

“Paige? Why? Did you need money or something? I mean, how much money can you really make from something like that?” I note the way she’s looking at me while she talks. I think there’s a part of her concern that is genuine. But she’s also made it clear she’d cut me loose in a heartbeat to save her own reputation—even if it meant letting me fall down a cliff.

“No, Lexi. I didn’t get money for it,” I say, my answer clipped on purpose. She’s waiting with her mouth ajar for me to fill her in more. Maybe she’s waiting for the big protest, for my explanation—which I actually do have. I probably should defend myself, but I just don’t feel like it. I don’t think Lexi deserves it, and I don’t think it would do any good.

I turn and leave Lexi behind, calling my mom to come pick me up at a restaurant a block away. When she comes, her face painted with that same worried expression I’ve seen too much of today, I snap at her and tell her Lexi ditched me to go smoke pot and she should just be happy that her daughter doesn’t do shit like that.