The Firework Exploded (The Holidays #3)(40)

“Awwww, look how pretty you are, * Face,” Alex says with a smile as he waltzes into the room, shuts the door behind him and spins around. “Now, you’re supposed to tell me how devilishly handsome I look.”

I glare at him through the reflection in the mirror as I straighten my tie.

“Aren’t you supposed to be keeping an eye on Ralph and making sure he doesn’t try to breed with any of the guests?” I ask.

“Now, now, don’t get your moist panties all in a bunch just because I got laid three times last night and you had to listen to your brother crank one out while he watched YouTube videos of how to do self-breast exams,” Alex scolds, making me wish I could erase everything I heard at three in the morning from my memory. “I left Aunt Bobbie in charge of Fat Ralph so I could come up and check on you.”

Leaning forward, I rest my hands on top of the dresser and close my eyes, forcing myself to think of nothing but good thoughts. Like how great Bev made the yard look with a tasteful and awesome Ohio State theme, and how beautiful I know Noel will be when I finally see her in her wedding dress.

“Can you stop imagining me naked for one minute so I can give you your wedding present?” Alex asks.

I sigh, opening my eyes and turning to face him. He pulls a thin square package from behind his back, covered in penis wrapping paper, and holds it out to me.

“Don’t worry, I’ll never be able to tell if you get a boner from the wrapping paper or from what’s inside, so you can just keep that knowledge to yourself,” he laughs, holding the present out to me.

With a roll of my eyes, I snatch it from his hand and rip off the penis paper, my jaw dropping when I see what he’s given me. I should probably be pissed that he didn’t delete this picture from his phone, but I’m too busy staring at it, thanking the heavens that I’m still able to even get an erection after the events of yesterday.

“Yes, I printed and framed an 8x10 photo of that shot Noel sent you in the blue lace number with the stars on her tits. I’m pretty sure the teenager who had to help me figure out the photo printing machine at Walmart this morning came in his pants faster than you did when Nicholas gave you a handy in your pocket yesterday,” Alex tells me. “And three of the guys behind the counter made extra copies for themselves. No need to thank me. The struggle on your face as you try not to whip your dick out and spank the monkey is thanks enough.”

I should probably punch him. The manly thing to do would be to punch the guy who sent a half-naked photo of your fiancée to his phone, and then shared it with half the staff of Walmart, but staring down at this picture of Noel reminds me how lucky I am that in less than an hour, she’s going to marry me. It also reminds me that my dick is still angry and demanding attention as it stirs to life behind my pants.

“I know that alone is the best gift you’ll ever get, but there’s one more present that goes along with the picture,” Alex tells me while I continue staring down at the framed photo of the hottest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. “You’ll be happy to know everyone is currently outside greeting guests and doing other wedding preparation stuff, and I told all of them I just took a massive dump in the downstairs bathroom and they probably shouldn’t come back inside for at least thirty minutes so the air can clear.”

Finally tearing my eyes from the photo, I look up at Alex in confusion and a little disgust.

“How would that possibly make me happy or be any kind of a present that I’d want?”

Alex laughs and shakes his head at me.

“Jesus, and I thought my dick turned me stupid. Your lack of orgasms has just given you a front row seat on the short bus,” Alex sighs.

When I don’t say anything in response, he waits a few seconds before throwing his hands up in the air in annoyance.

“Dude, no one will be stepping foot back in this house for a half hour. As soon as I leave, it will just be you and Noel. Alone. In the house. TOGETHER,” he explains slowly. “I know you’ll only need ten seconds of that half hour, so feel free to use the other twenty-nine minutes and fifty seconds to discuss how awesome I am.”

He smirks at me and suddenly, what he just said clicks into place in my brain. Tossing the framed photo on the bed, I grab the items I paced there earlier and tuck them under my arm. Alex opens the door as I rush across the room, pausing quickly in front of him.

“You’re the best, best man in the entire world. Delete that photo from your phone immediately, or I’ll go Reggie on your ass and cut off your dick while you’re sleeping,” I tell him with a smile and a pat on the back as I race out of the room and down the hall.

I take the stairs two-at-a-time, skipping the last couple of steps as I jump off of them and run through the house. Even though I got ready at my house this morning, Bev put me in Nicholas’s old room when I got here, with strict instructions not to step one foot out the door or even open it until someone came to get me to tell me it was time to go out to the yard. She quickly ushered me up there and shut me inside a few minutes before Noel was due back from the salon where her and Scheva went to have their hair and make-up done. Reggie kept stopping by every few minutes after she got home, making sure I was following the rules and going nowhere near Noel while she was downstairs, locked away in the room they use as an office to finish getting ready.

Honestly, I had no problem staying upstairs at the opposite end of the house from Noel all morning. I had been looking forward to this wedding tradition of not seeing my bride-to-be until she started walking down the aisle toward me. Now, running through the empty house and not being stopped by Reggie jumping out from behind a corner wielding a kitchen knife, all I can think about is seeing Noel and getting a few minutes alone with her before we have to go outside in front of all those people.