The Fall of Never(40)

“I hit the ground and was out. I only remember bits and pieces of everything after that, including most of my stay at the hospital. Sampers apparently freaked out, didn’t know what to do or where to run, and the police picked him up just a few minutes later, still standing in the convenience store. In a corner, shaking, eyes wide—that’s how the arresting officer described Sampers at the trial. I guess shooting someone had never really been on the kid’s mind. Probably figured he’d swoop in, grab what cash was in the register—what could it be, fifty bucks?—and take off like nothing ever happened. Didn’t count on my stupid ass waltzing in there, that’s for sure.” Then he blushed. “I’m sorry, excuse me.”

Nellie was not bothered by the profanity. “And this is something you’re embarrassed of?”

“No,” he said, “not that part.”

“Then what part?”

“The rest of the story,” he explained. “The parts that follow. Everything. Until recently. I didn’t leave my apartment for a long time. I didn’t ride the subway, didn’t even like getting into a cab. People on the street freaked me out. And to hell with going into a convenience store, you know what I mean?” He laughed nervously. “I just couldn’t get over it. What if that bullet had been, like, an inch closer to my heart? Or a centimeter? One minute I’m strolling down Twenty-fourth Street, and the next I’m lying in a pool of blood with cheese curls scattered on my chest and Coca-Cola in my hair, in my eyes.”

“Facing one’s mortality can be a sobering experience. Particularly at such a young age.”

He shook his head, looked down at his uneaten bagel and glass of milk. “I was embarrassed that I couldn’t get over it. And I was angry at myself too.”

“But you got over it.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Thanks to Kelly.” He felt himself smile. “I saw an ad posted at NYU about her project, this thing called and something about the way she advertised it piqued my interests. Something…it just made me feel invigorated to be a part of something again, a part of We the People that we’ve been working on, anything. So I figured what the hell and I went and met with her. And she was nice and pretty and maybe even a little eccentric, which I like, and just hearing her explain her ideas about the project just got me off one track and onto another. I’m listening to her, and I start realizing that she’s actually talking about me, that I’ve learned to overcome my own adversities…and I didn’t even realize it until that day sitting across from her at a Burger King.”

“She saved you, in a sense.”

“But it was something more. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but I can see what it was now. She had secrets of her own too, and she wasn’t only talking about me, she was talking about herself. And to this day I still don’t think she knows it.”

“We all have secrets,” Nellie said and sipped her coffee. “Good,” she sighed.

He’d lost his appetite. “So my turn?”

“Turn?”

“To ask a question.”

“Oh,” said the old woman, “is that what we’re doing, now?”

“It’s a straightforward question.”

“Ask it, but eat too. Put some meat on those bones.”

Just like a grandmother, he thought, grinning. He took a bite of his bagel, swallowed it nearly without chewing, and said, “How come you told Kelly and I that you play bridge on Wednesday nights?”

Nellie’s eyes didn’t falter. If she realized she’d been caught in a lie she didn’t let her acknowledgment register on her face. Calmly, like one about to recite a poem to a group of young children, she said, “I’m a fanatic when it comes to bridge. Love the game. Always have. My father taught me to play before he died.”

“You gave Dr. Mendes the names of the women you play bridge with at the hospital,” he said. He felt ridiculous, questioning this old woman like a detective pumping a murder suspect for information.

“We were making small talk.” Slurred the S.

“He was concerned for your well-being. He phoned the women you mentioned to him.” He suddenly realized he was walking a thin line and didn’t want to offend this sweet old woman, but he’d come too far to turn around now. Besides, there was a burgeoning curiosity within him, like the inkling of a small but potentially powerful fire, and it excited him. “None of the women you mentioned to him have ever heard of you, Nellie.”

This time, he thought he saw a spark of—well, of something behind those stoic gray eyes. Not taking those eyes off him, the old woman shifted her weight in her chair and adjusted her immobile left hand in her lap.

He couldn’t help but back off. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound accusatory, I just didn’t understand—”

“It’s all right.”

“No. It’s not my place and I apologize.”

“Don’t be silly.” She offered a warm smile. “I’m just surprised at the doctor’s…” she considered her words, “methods of extraction. I thought his small talk was genuine. I never realized he was so concerned.”

“He’s concerned for you, but he’s also concerned for himself too. Do you know what I mean?”