The Espionage Effect(34)

I raised my hand, drifted my fingertips over kiss-roughened lips, mentally reliving the way he’d ravaged them, taken my body, given me more pleasure than I’d ever expected from a sexual experience.

A fleeting thought made me wonder if I’d been ruined for all other sex. I shook my head, huffing out a laugh as I jogged down the two steps and into the sitting room. No way. I simply knew where the bar was set now. High. Amazingly high.

The moment I stepped over the threshold of the door, from the cold darkness of the room into the humid fresh air lit by waning moonlight, more than the physical atmosphere changed. Alec’s body stiffened, like I’d startled him out of relaxation, and he straightened upright in the cushioned chair. He’d put on his cargo pants, which were zipped, but not buttoned.

I took the empty chair nearest me, assessing his body language: not completely closed off, but almost.

“How do you feel?” He glanced toward me. His voice rumbled out low, intonation flat, matter-of-fact. As if he’d merely asked about the weather on a blue-sky day, instead of having recolored my perception of everything in the darkness of night.

“Fine.” I gave a one-shouldered shrug. As if the entire event had been no biggie.

“Bullshit,” he chuckled.

“Yeah.” What else could I say? Clearly, he was distancing himself. And really, nothing needed to be said—he knew. Each and every moan, gasp—and muffled scream—had broadcast loud and clear what words never would.

“You let go.” His warm hand slipped into mine, and he gave it light squeeze. “You were incredible,” he rasped out.

The deep, soft-spoken words resonated into my body, rippling from my head to my toes. Tension crackled in the air around us, undisturbed by the steady wind.

My breath caught as a deep ache cascaded through me, sliding downward.

I wanted him. Again. Even after hours of carnality, a dozen positions, and five orgasms, my body wanted more of the addictive drug he’d hooked me on.

Primal instincts had never ruled me before. But after a taste of what it did for me, how it made me forget, how it changed the very substance of the darkness so prevalent within me, the idea of drowning myself in feeling instead of thinking tempted me beyond reason.

Rattled on a visceral level to be left drifting in uncharted territory, I forced myself back into my mind, onto familiar ground. Scientists experimented. Maybe the occurrence was a fluke. Only further studies would prove or disprove whether or not the earth would tilt off its axis a second time. Then a third.

“Let’s do it again.” The words escaped before I could stop them. Before I realized that even logic had sided with my aroused body. And I couldn’t be sure whether the one had influenced the other. Scientists set out to prove their theories, some with a bias toward being right and not wrong. I wanted to be right. Very right.

“No,” he replied.

I gasped, as if he’d slapped my cheek, rattling my brain. “What?”

He withdrew his hand from mine and braced his forearms on his knees. “You wanted sex. I gave you what you wanted.”

“You wanted it,” I countered, unable to believe his cool detachment.

“I did,” he whispered.

“You enjoyed it…” I hadn’t been the only one moaning with pleasure not more than an hour ago. This is a one-time thing… The echo of his conditional words filtered into a brain stuck in denial.

“I did,” he admitted. “But it doesn’t change who I am.”

“Which is?”

“No attachments. No commitments. We only have sex once. I refuse to take it further, let emotions get involved.” Before the slight down-tilt of his head, I’d glimpsed his eyes. Compassion shone in them.

I pointed to the bed in accusation. “You’re telling me emotions weren’t involved in there?”

“Nothing permanent. It’s easier this way.”

A sardonic laugh bubbled from my lips. “Figures. I get the best sex of my life and it’s a one-shot deal.”

“You knew anything between us would be short-lived. That’s what made it appealing. For both of us.”

The stinging truth of it all? He was right. “Great. So I have five more days of vacation and I have to endure knowing the highlight of my trip has already happened?”

He laughed and stood, ruffled my hair, then pressed a kiss to the crown of my head. “It’s not as bad as all that. I’m going to be busy. Tomorrow night I’m needed in the field, with preparations to make before that. Go snorkeling. Explore ruins. Be on vacation.” He stepped inside. Seconds later, the rumbling whir of the Nespresso machine overtook the gentle roar of the ocean.

I’d been casually dismissed.

I stood, leaned my forearms on the terrace railing, and stared out at the charcoal-colored ocean at the horizon where it met the glittering expanse of stars overhead, trying to make sense of the thought fragments dizzying my mind. Vacation hadn’t even been on my radar a week ago. In a few short days, not only had Anna convinced me to entertain the idea of an uninhibited fling, I’d actually done it.

But prior to the notion of wild sex with virtual strangers, before the idea of a vacation even blinked into existence, one thing had fueled me more than anything ever had. And the dark giant who’d been slumbering deep inside me, craving vengeance for a child who’d been robbed of any semblance of a normal life, stretched, gradually coming back to life.