The Ending I Want(94)

Yeah, I’m wallowing. Fucking sue me.

I do know Taylor is still at the hotel, as I told them to call me if she checked out. Or anytime she left at all.

Stalker-ish, I know, but I don’t f*cking care.

God, how did I f*ck up so monumentally?

I asked her to stay.

She said no.

So, I told her that I loved her. And, like the cocky bastard I am, I said that I knew she loved me, too.

Then, she told me that she didn’t love me, and she ran out of here like her arse was on fire.

I laugh out loud at myself. Then, I choke on that laughter ’cause it feels like I might cry. So, I take another slug of whiskey to wash it away.

What a f*cking idiot.

Why didn’t I just keep my mouth shut?

I was so f*cking sure of myself.

Of course, there was a part of me that was worried she’d say no. But I was so sure that she felt the same as I did about her, so either way, we’d work something out. That I wouldn’t lose her completely.

How very f*cking wrong I was.

I pushed hard, and she ran.

And, now, I don’t know what to do.

I just want her to come back. I want to be near her all the time. Have fun with her. I’ve never laughed as much as I have in the time that I’ve spent with her.

She lights everything up around her.

She lights me up.

And, now, everything just feels dark.

I put the bottle down on the floor, and then I get up and walk over to the railing. I look out at London. Staring at the city moving beneath me.

She’s out there without me.

And, more than anything, I just want her here with me.

I shouldn’t have asked her to stay. It was stupid.

And, now, the small amount of time I have with her is gone because I scared her away.

Who could blame her? A week and a half together, and I’m asking her to live here with me. Not go back to her home. To stay and live in mine.

And she’s only twenty-two. I forget that sometimes. When I’m with her, the ten years between us seems to evaporate.

When I was twenty-two…well, I was with Kate. But I was setting up my business and seeing the world while I did it.

I was living.

That’s what she came here to do. And I tried to clip her wings by asking her to stay with me.

What the f*ck was I thinking?

I wasn’t. That’s the problem. I let my heart get the better of me.

I let my heart go after what he wanted.

Stupid f*cking heart.

Fuck, I can’t stay here, stuck in my own head, all night. I’ll go insane. I need to go out.

Pushing off the railing, I go back inside my apartment.

I grab my wallet, phone, and keys, and then I head out.

Downstairs on the street, I flag a cab to Cam’s Bar.

I walk in. Adele is wailing “All I Ask” in the background. Guess I can torture myself with depressing songs here, too.

Cam’s behind the bar, serving a customer. Eddie’s here, too, sitting at the end of the bar, nursing a pint.

I haven’t seen either of them since I lost my temper with them last week.

They’ve both texted me, but being the wanker that I am, I haven’t replied.

Stupid because, aside from my grandpa, they’re all I have.

I sit on the stool next to Eddie. His eyes come to me. I see the flicker of surprise in them.

“Hey,” I say quietly.

He gives me a nod, and then he picks up his pint and takes a drink of it.

“Look, man, I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. I was being—”

“A prick,” Eddie inserts.

I let out a laugh. “Yeah, I was being a prick.”

He looks at me again. Then, he turns his eyes to Cam, who’s just spotted me and is walking toward us.

The look on Cam’s face is contrite. He doesn’t look mad at me. He looks…sorry.

“Liam,” Cam says, “I’m sorry about last week. What I said—”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” I cut him off. “I’m sorry I’ve been MIA this past week.”

His eyes meet mine in a slow understanding. Then, he nods. “It’s okay.”

“You’ve probably had Taylor keeping you busy, so we won’t take complete offense,” Eddie says. His tone is a little lighter, so I know he’s forgiven me.

I snort out a laugh through my nose. “Yeah, I’ve been busy with Taylor.”

“Where is she?” Cam asks. “Has she gone back to America?”

“Not yet. A few days to go.” I’m pretty sure she won’t be spending her remaining time with me after I declared my love and sent her running.

“So, where is she?” Eddie asks. “She saw sense and dumped your sorry arse?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

There’s a pause, and then Eddie says, “For real?”

I glance at him. “Yeah.”

“Shit, I’m sorry, man. I was just kidding when I said that.”

“I know.” It’s nothing I wouldn’t have said to him.

“Sucks, man,” Cam says. “I know you liked her.”

I love her. I don’t say that though.

“So, what happened?” Eddie asks me. “You seemed really into each other.”