The Breakdown(9)

‘Not when there’s so much money. We all put in

twenty pounds, remember, so you should have a hundred

and sixty altogether. Have you got it with you?’

A hundred and sixty pounds? How could I forget being given that much money? I want to admit everything but instead I carry on the pretence, no longer sure of myself. ‘I thought I’d pay by card.’

She smiles reassuringly at me. ‘Well, now that that

little drama’s over, drink your coffee before it gets cold.’

‘It probably already is - shall I get us a fresh cup?’

‘I’ll go. You sit here and relax.’

I watch her as she joins the queue at the counter,

trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach.

Although I managed not to tell her about seeing the

woman in the car, I wish I hadn’t had to admit that

I’d forgotten about the luggage. Rachel isn’t stupid.

She’d witnessed Mum’s deterioration on a weekly basis

and I don’t want her to worry, or to start thinking that

I’m heading down the same road. The worst thing is,

I have no memory of suggesting that we buy luggage,

or of where I put the hundred and sixty pounds, unless

it’s in the little drawer in my old writing desk. I’m not worried about the money itself; if I can’t find it, it doesn’t really matter. But it’s frightening to think I’ve forgotten everything to do with Susie’s present.

Rachel comes back with the coffees.





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‘Do you mind if I ask you something?’ she says, sitting

down.

‘Go on.’

‘It’s just that it’s not like you to get so upset over

something as mundane as forgetting what present you’re

meant to have bought. Is there something else troubling

you? Is everything all right with Matthew?’

For the hundredth time, I find myself wishing that

Rachel and Matthew liked each other more. They try not

to show it but there’s always an undercurrent of mistrust between them. To be fair to Matthew, he doesn’t like Rachel simply because he knows she disapproves of him.

With Rachel, it’s more complicated. She has no reason to

dislike Matthew so sometimes a little voice in my head

wonders if she’s jealous that I now have someone in my

life. But then I hate myself for the thought, because I

know she’s happy for me.

‘Yes, everything’s fine,’ I reassure her, trying to push

last night from my mind. ‘It really was just the present.’

Even those words seem like a betrayal of the woman

in the car.

‘Well, you were a little worse for wear that night,’ she

says, smiling at the memory. ‘You didn’t have to worry

about driving home as Matthew was picking you up so

you had quite a few glasses of wine. Maybe that’s why

you forgot.’

‘You’re probably right.’

‘Well, drink up and we’ll go and choose something.’

The Breakdown





35


We finish our coffees and go down to the fourth floor.


It doesn’t take us long to choose a couple of powder blue suitcases, and as we make our way out of the shop, I sense Rachel’s eyes on me.

‘Are you sure you want to go for lunch? If you don’t,

it doesn’t matter.’

The thought of lunch, of having to talk about anything

and everything to avoid speaking about the woman in

the car, suddenly seems too much. ‘Actually, I’ve got a

splitting headache – a bit too much celebrating last night, I think. Can I take you to lunch next week instead? I can come into town any day now that I’m not working.’

‘Sure. You’ll be all right to come to Susie’s party

tonight, won’t you?’

‘Of course. But could you take the cases, just in case?’

‘No problem. Where are you parked?’

‘At the bottom of the high street.’

She nods. ‘I’m in the multi-storey, so I’ll say goodbye

to you here.’

I point to the two suitcases. ‘Can you manage?’

‘They’re lightweight, remember? And if I can’t, I’m

sure I’ll be able to find a nice young man to help me!’

I give her a quick hug and make my way to the car.

As I turn on the ignition the time comes up and I see

that it’s a minute past one. A part of me – quite a large part – doesn’t want to listen to the local news but I find myself turning on the radio anyway.

‘Last night, the body of a woman was found in a car in Blackwater Lane, between Browbury and Castle Wel s. She





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had been brutal y murdered. If you travel ed that road between eleven-twenty last night and one-fifteen this morning, or know anyone who did, please contact us as soon as possible.’

I reach out and turn the radio off, my hand shaking