The Breakdown(69)

he takes so long coming to the door that I think he’s not going to open it.

He looks down at me from the doorstep.

‘The tissue lady,’ he says, his voice neither friendly nor unfriendly.

The Breakdown





263


‘Yes,’ I say, gratified that he’s remembered. ‘I’m sorry


to disturb you but could I talk to you for a couple of minutes?’

‘Not if you’re a journalist, no.’

I shake my head quickly. ‘I’m not a journalist.’

‘If you’re a medium of some kind, I’m not interested either.’

I smile a little, almost wishing it was the reason I was there. ‘No, nothing like that.’

‘Let me guess – you and Jane go way back and you

want to tell me how bad you feel that you lost contact with her.’

I shake my head. ‘Not exactly.’

‘So why do you want to talk to me?’

‘I’m Cass.’

‘Cass?’

‘Yes. I wrote to you a few weeks’ ago. Jane and I had lunch together just before…’ I tail off, not knowing what else to say.

‘Of course!’ A frown crosses his face. ‘Why didn’t

you tell me who you were when we bumped into each

other in the park?’

‘I don’t know. Probably because I didn’t want you to think I was intruding. I was driving through Heston that day and remembered Jane mentioning the park so I decided to stop. It didn’t occur to me that I might bump in to you.’





264


b a paris


‘I seem to spend most of my life there,’ he says,

grimacing. ‘The girls never tire of it. They ask to go every day, even when it’s raining.’

‘How are they?’

‘They’re doing really well.’ He opens the door wider.

‘Come in. The girls are asleep so I have a few minutes.’

I follow him through to the sitting room, where toys litter the floor and Jane gazes at me from myriad family photos. ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’

‘No, thank you,’ I say, suddenly nervous.

‘You said you wanted to talk to me?’

‘Yes.’ Sudden tears fill my eyes and I grope in my bag for a tissue, angry at myself.

‘Please, sit down. You’ve obviously got something

on your mind.’

‘Yes,’ I say again, taking a seat on the sofa.

He pulls up a chair and sits down opposite me. ‘Take your time.’

‘I saw Jane that night,’ I say, twisting the tissue around my fingers.

‘Yes, I know, at a party. I remember Jane telling me.’

‘No, not that night. The night she was…’ The word

‘murdered’ sticks in my throat. ‘The night she was

killed. I was in Blackwater Lane and I drove past her car in the lay-by.’

He doesn’t say anything for so long that I think he’s gone into some kind of shock.

‘Have you told the police?’ he asks eventually.

The Breakdown





265


‘Yes. I’m the person who phoned in to say that she


was alive when I saw her.’

‘Did you see anything else?’

‘No, only Jane. But I didn’t know it was her, it was raining too hard for me to make her out, I could see it was a woman but that’s all. I only knew it was Jane after.’

He exhales heavily, and his breath hangs in the air between us. ‘You didn’t see anybody in the car with her?’

‘No, if I had I would have told the police.’

‘So you didn’t stop?’

Unable to meet his eyes, I bow my head. ‘I thought

she’d broken down so I pulled in in front of her. I thought she might get out of her car but she didn’t – it was pouring down – so I waited for her to flash her lights or sound her horn to tell me that she needed help and when she didn’t I presumed she’d already called someone and that they were on their way. I know I should have got out and run back to check she was all right but I was too scared, I thought it might be some sort of trap, so I decided that the best thing would be to phone the police or one of the breakdown services as soon as I got home, because I was only a few minutes away, and ask them to go and check on her. But when I got home something happened that made me forget to phone them. Then, the next morning, when I heard that a young woman had been murdered, I felt – well, I can’t describe how I felt, I couldn’t believe that I’d forgotten to make that phone call, I kept thinking that if I had, she’d still be alive. I felt so guilty that I couldn’t tell





266


b a paris


anyone, not even my husband, because I thought that if it got out people would point their finger at me and say that I was to blame for her death because I hadn’t done anything to help her. And they would have been right.

And then, when I heard that it was Jane, I felt terrible.’

I swallow down tears. ‘I may not be the murderer but I feel as much to blame for her death as he is.’