The Best Possible Answer(59)
“What? Why not?”
“Oh, honey. Don’t you get it? We were never married.”
“Oh, Mama. I didn’t realize.”
She goes on to explain that it will be a clean break, one that won’t require lawyers or courts or papers signed and certified. He will just be gone. He will just disappear. “I had hoped that you would never find out. I’m so sorry, Viviana. There are so many things I would have done differently if I could have.”
I shake my head. “Don’t let your mistakes define you.”
She strokes my hair. “You make me very proud, Viviana. Thank you for pushing me. Thank you for believing in me.”
She reaches out for a hug, and I hold her in close. I feel like this is the first time we’ve ever really talked to each other. I feel like I never want to let go.
“I want to go to therapy,” I whisper. “I need to talk about all of this with someone.”
“Yes,” she says, sitting back. “He will pay for that, too, at least until I am finished with school. And then I will take care of it all myself.”
“I have all the money from my job.”
“No. That’s your money. If he doesn’t come up with the money, I’ll find a way to pay for it as long as you need it.”
“Thank you, Mama.”
“No, Viviana.” My mom reaches her hands out to mine. “Thank you.”
College Essay Tip
Offer a specific, authentic experience from your life. Provide details from your life so that the colleges can get to know you as an individual.
Viviana Rabinovich-Lowe
Common Application
FINAL DRAFT
Prompt: Mainly, colleges want to see that, while you’ve made mistakes in your life, you have grown from these mistakes and will use the lessons to function as a mature college student. Write about a mistake you’ve made and the lessons you’ve learned as a result.
I’m on the cusp. And it’s so scary. I’m about to leave high school, enter the world of college and everything that comes after. I will be expected to “function as a mature college student.” The question is: Considering the mistakes that I’ve made, can I do it?
My whole life could open up, and it could go in a million different amazing or horrible directions, but I don’t know. I don’t know which way to turn. My mother says I’m the one to determine my tomorrows, but that seems like too much. Too much power. Too much control. This life is too wild for me to have any say. This life is too strange, too wonderful and horrible. It’s too much all at once, sometimes.
I did make a mistake—a grave one—during my junior year of high school, one that has followed me for months, and one that might very well follow me the rest of my life. I trusted someone with some personal information, and he proceeded to share this information with the world. Soon after, I discovered some truths about my family, deep, dark secrets that made me question who I am, where I come from, what I am made of. But that is all I want to say about both debacles.
That being said, I’ve learned so very much because of it. For a while, I thought I’d never trust anyone again. But I will. I already do. There’s definitely one person in this world I know I can count on. She’s there in the mirror. And if I listen to my heart, if I trust in that voice that sits deep in my soul, that untouched being of truth—I know it’s there—I will discover the answers eventually. Maybe not immediately. Maybe not tomorrow. But if I don’t open myself to possibility, I’ll never know what it means to have lived. I’ll never know what it means to have loved.
I refuse to live like those who have betrayed me. I refuse to succumb to bitterness and fear. I refuse to waste any more of my precious time waiting for some semblance of a life. I will live this life the only way I know how. With love at its core. With love in my heart.
The rest will be made real in time.
The rains finally let up and the next few days are sunny and hot and humid; it’s August in full force. Sammie’s mom announces that she’s secured a new job and a new apartment, and they start to pack. I don’t stay over there anymore since I’m happy to be home, finally, but I do spend evenings up at their place, partly so I can help, partly so I can get in as much time with Sammie as possible. School doesn’t start until after Labor Day, in September, but the date weighs heavily on me. I don’t want her to move.
Mila’s grumpy because our dad’s gone again. My mom has a long talk with her. She doesn’t tell her why Dad’s left, but she promises that he’ll be back, and while it’s not the complete truth, it’s enough for Mila right now. Eventually, we’ll have to tell her everything. Eventually, she’ll have to know.
I don’t see Evan all weekend. He’s not at work—apparently, he called in sick, and Sammie hasn’t heard anything else from Virgo about the picture.
“I can’t delete my past,” I say to Sammie one night as we’re packing up her stuff. “He either accepts me for who I am—nudie pic and all—or he doesn’t, and then I don’t need him in my life.”
“It’s glad to see you finally owning it,” Sammie says, laughing. “Nudie pic and all. That’s awesome.”
“What else am I going to do?” I say. “I can’t lie about it. This is who I am. Who I was. It’ll always be a part of me.”