The After of Us (Judge Me Not #4)(41)

“Yes, Emma is a girl, too.”

She points over to Sarah, who’s watching our exchange with rapt attention from Chase’s lap. Jack has already gotten down and is taking the batteries out of the remote control for the TV, for no apparent reason. He’s just inquisitive like that.

“Sarah’s a girl, too,” Lily states, her tone serious.

“Yep, she is.”

“I am,” Sarah reaffirms, in a tiny voice that makes Chase smile. He leans down and kisses the top of her head.

Meanwhile, out of the clear blue, Jack points the remote to his crotch and announces, “And I’m a boy!”

Chase and I burst out laughing once more.

“He just discovered not everyone has a penis,” Chase informs me in a soft voice.

“Aha.”

As I’m nodding in understanding, Lily, clearly having heard Chase, wants to know, “What’s a pe-nith?”

“Uh…”

I look to Chase for guidance, but since Sarah isn’t one bit interested in the answer to Lily’s question, I know he’s not going to get involved.

“Sorry, bro,” he says, confirming my suspicions. “You’re on your own for this one.”

“Thanks,” I deadpan.

I have no clue where to start this explanation, and it shows. “Uh, well, Lily. It’s hard to explain—”

Jack suddenly interrupts with, “I can show you.”

As his hands go to the sides of his elasticized waist shorts, Chase and I both yell, “No!”

Thankfully, Jack listens.

He shrugs, like he has no idea what the big deal is, and soon his attention returns to messing with the remote.

Lily, still intent on finding out what a penis is, says, “I’ll ask Miss Emma.”

I have no qualms about passing this off to someone else. I know Lily will never remember, anyway. “Good plan,” I say. “Definitely ask Miss Emma. She knows. Daddy makes sure of that all the time.”

Chase, shaking his head, murmurs, “That’s just wrong, bro.”

Resting her head against my calf, Lily inquires, “Is Miss Emma going to be my new mommy?”

“Whoa, where’s this coming from?” I want to know.

Lily doesn’t answer my question, she simply says, “I like Miss Emma, Daddy. She’s nice.”

“She is nice, Lil. I like her, too.”

This conversation, though not ideal, is easier to deal with than the penis one. Or so I think.

When Lily then informs me, “I tell all the kids at daycare that Miss Emma gonna be my mom,” I am suddenly not so sure.

I look over at Chase, and he lets out a long sigh. “Hey, guys,” he says to Jack and Sarah. “Let’s go outside so Uncle Will can talk with Lily.”

His kids are up for going back outside to play, especially since their dad is joining them this time around.

The room is emptied in seconds, and once I’m alone with Lily I tell her not to tell people, kids or adults, things like that.

“Why?” she asks.

“Because we don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, Lil.”

“So, Miss Emma will never be my mommy, like, ever, ever?”

Lord, give me strength.

I tell her the truth. “I don’t know, Lily.”

She peers up at me, sadness clear in her emerald eyes as she asks, “Is Emma going to leave us?”

“Oh, Lil….” I lift her up to my lap and hold onto her tightly. “No, sweetheart, I think Emma’s the sticking-around type.”

“You promise she won’t leave like Mommy did?”

“No, Lily. Emma would never do something like that. She’s not anything like your mommy.”

And she’s not. Cassie and Emma couldn’t be any more different than the sun and the moon. And who they are—or were—in my life is vastly different, too. Cassie represents my past, a time filled with drugs, anger, and recklessness. If not for Lily, I’d choose to erase it all.

Emma, conversely, represents my future. Or she could, if I let her. A future with Emma would be a good one too, days filled with love, comfort, and support.

Who wouldn’t want that, right?





Emma



For a solid week, I’m too busy with work, and spending time with Will, to find time to copy the e-file of his comic book file so I can secretly send out query letters for him. That doesn’t mean I don’t grab the opportunity to do exactly that when Will runs out one weekend night to pick up a pizza for us.

It’s Friday, our official movie-and-dinner evening. This “date” is being spent at Will’s place, since Lily wanted to sleep over at the farmhouse with her cousins. We’re thrilled to have a chance to be alone all night. But, for the moment, Will leaving to pick up the pizza has fortuitously left me all alone in his apartment.

Time to go a-searching…

I feel bad for snooping through the files on Will’s laptop—which he conveniently left out on the coffee table in the living room—but I continuously remind myself that this breach of trust is for a good reason. I don’t really pay attention to what he has on his computer anyway, as I’m primarily focused on finding the comic book file.

But then I come upon his spank bank of porn, and, well, I just have to take a minute to peruse.