The Absence of Olivia(28)

We’d been working for a while, not making much progress, when I heard Devon’s voice.

“Oh, my God,” he said, and I looked up to see him placing his briefcase on the island, eyes wide, taking in all the chaos.

“What are you doing here? Did you miss your work thing?” I immediately felt terrible, as if I was causing so many problems. My feet were freezing, I was wearing clothes that smelled fabulous and were too big for me. My hair was a disaster from the earlier incident with the storm inside the laundry room, and all I really wanted to do was take a warm bath. “I’m sorry,” I cried, dropping my hands to my side, making the giant mixing bowl I held onto slap against the side of my leg. “I didn’t know what to do. Google wasn’t any help. The thing in the laundry room was spewing water when we got home and I was just trying to get the water out.” I was rambling and on the verge of tears, no longer able to keep my composure together when Devon walked straight to me, through the freezing cold water, dress shoes and slacks still on, and wrapped his arms around me.

I was startled at first because, well, we never really touched except when it was accidental and detrimental. So, to have him wrap his arms around me, knowing it was me, in an effort to comfort me, well, I lost it. I cried into his suit jacket, dropped the bowl, and moved my arms around his waist, pressing my face further into his chest.

I was crying out the stress of the last few months, crying for every time I’d held it in since Olivia passed, crying for all the times I wasn’t enough for her children or her husband. But I was holding on to him for entirely different reasons. I was pulling his body closer to mine because I could, when I never could have in the past. I was feeling all the muscles in his back as my hands ran up to his shoulder blades because I just couldn’t stop myself. I was reveling in the knowledge that his hands were on me and paying excruciatingly close attention to the fact that I liked his hands on my body. I loved everything about being in his arms, but hated myself for loving it so damn much.

“Ruby, Jax, why don’t you guys go upstairs and put on some pajamas,” he whispered softly to his children, and I couldn’t imagine the scene I was making in their kitchen.

After a moment, he pulled away slightly, his hands coming to frame my face, feeling very warm against my exceedingly cold skin.

“Are you okay?” he asked, the sincerity in his voice breaking me open just a little bit more.

“I’m c-cold.”

“Yeah, your lips are a little blue.” His eyes kept darting between my lips and my eyes. He hadn’t moved his hands and I wasn’t about to pull away from his touch. “Let’s get you to the living room and warm you up a bit, all right?”

“Ok-kay.”

He turned from me, but reached for my hand at the same time, and pulled me into the living room. My feet started to tingle as soon as they were out of the water, and I made my way to the couch. When I sat, he knelt in front of me, just between my parted knees, one of his hands on each of my thighs. His finger hit the mesh of his basketball shorts and realization came over his face.

“Are you wearing my clothes?”

“Yes-s,” I stammered, teeth still chattering. He leaned forward until his face was exactly a hair’s breadth from mine and my lungs seized up with his proximity. A blush crept over my face when I realized he was only reaching for the throw blanket draped over the back of the couch. He pulled it around my shoulders, wrapping it around the top half of my body. “I got s-soaked while I t-turned off the valve. I w-went upstairs but c-couldn’t bring myself to p-put on Liv’s clothes.”

“Shhhh,” he said as he rubbed his hands up and down my arms, trying to build some heat between his hands and my skin. It seemed like I’d been waiting years for him to use his heat on me, but thinking about it in that moment made me feel shameful.

“What are we going to do about the water?” I whispered, unable or unwilling to use my full voice to ruin the moment.

“Um, well, I’m not sure.”

“Google isn’t much help.”

His mouth quirked up in an adorable grin and I couldn’t help it when mine did the exact same thing. “Really? Well, I guess we’ll have to use some good old fashioned ingenuity then.” He thought for a moment, his hands still torturously kneading into my arms. I had to admit though, I wasn’t feeling the cold anymore. I was only feeling the slow burn building deep inside me. “You stay here, warm up. I’ll be right back.”

I didn’t have time to answer before he disappeared down the flooded hallway. But I did hear the splashing and figured he must have gone right into the lake that used to be the laundry room. I cringed, thinking about his shoes again. There was a lot of noise coming from down the hall and I couldn’t help but stare at the entrance, waiting for him to come back.

When he finally reappeared, he was carrying a large round machine that had a hose like a vacuum. “What is that?”

“It’s a shop-vac. It can suck up almost anything. We’ll have this place cleaned up in no time.”

“Auntie Evie, we’re hungry.” Ruby appeared at the bottom of the stairs with new, dry pajamas, looking exhausted. I immediately felt terrible. Amidst the flooding crisis and my emotional breakdown, I’d forgotten to feed the children.

“Okay, Ruby, go upstairs and put on a movie for you and your brother. I’ll bring up a picnic for you to eat in the TV room on a blanket.”