Taking Charge (Lone Star Burn #4)(34)
He smiled and wondered what Lucy would think of being compared to a horse. She might not take it as the compliment it was intended to be.
Lucy shifted in the truck seat to watch him as he drove. “What are you smiling about?”
He flashed a guilty grin. “I’d tell you, but it’s not wise to tempt you to hit me while I’m driving.”
“I would never—” Lucy stopped as she seemed to remember the time she had hit him. “I’ve never hit anyone besides you.”
He winked at her. “So I was your first.”
She rolled her eyes but looked as if she were fighting back a smile. “You like to push your luck, don’t you?” He loved how comfortable she was becoming with him.
He wiggled his eyebrows and shot her a lusty grin. “Only with you.”
“You’re impossible,” she said with a laugh.
“And you are gorgeous when you laugh.” Lucy’s smile fell away, and if David hadn’t been driving, he would have hugged her. It was as he’d suspected: somewhere along the way, she’d stopped seeing herself as beautiful. He reached for her hand and brought it to rest beneath his on his thigh. “Do you remember the first time we met?” he asked.
Lucy’s hand shook beneath his. “Tony had sent you to see if you could help out.”
“That was why I was here, but that’s not what I remember about that day. You answered the door, and everything I’d planned to say flew clear out of my head. I’m not a young boy. I’ve met a fair share of women, but you were stunning. You worried if I was tired and hungry from the drive, but all I could think about was how beautiful you were.”
Lucy’s hand felt cold beneath his, but she didn’t withdraw it. “I don’t have good memories from that day. I had just accepted the loan from Ted. I was feeling pretty low about that and then felt worse when I realized you also wanted to help me. I didn’t want to ruin what I thought was a solution. I wish I could go back and not have been such a gullible—”
“Don’t beat yourself up over something that’s done, Lucy. Everyone regrets something. I don’t trust anyone who says they’ve never done anything they’re ashamed of.”
In a heartbreakingly raw tone, she asked, “Could we please not talk about it anymore?”
He tightened his hand on hers. “What are you so afraid of?”
Lucy turned her face to look out the window, and he cursed himself for pushing her too far too fast. They rode in silence to the small airport. Soon after they parked, they met the pilot and were led to a six-seater plane. Though Lucy was polite, her answers were short. They settled into seats that faced the same direction with a narrow aisle between them. As they taxied down the runway, David was tempted to take her hand in his again, but he told himself to be patient.
They were above the clouds by the time she met his eyes again and spoke. “I used to be brave. In fact, my parents called me fearless. I would decide to do something, and nothing would stand in my way. I flew cross-country by myself without thinking twice. Moving away was an adventure, and I used to love the excitement of not knowing what would come next. Back then, I thought if I worked hard and was a good person, nothing bad would ever happen to me.”
“That’s not the way life works.”
“No, it’s not. When my father died, my mother was so sad. I thought having us around would make her happy. I promised her whatever I thought it would take to make her see how much we loved her. It wasn’t enough. I’m guessing you heard about how she died.”
“I did.” He kept his answer short, hoping it would encourage her to keep talking.
“I don’t know why my brother waited until it was too late to tell me about our financial problems. Maybe I could have done something. Maybe he knew I couldn’t have. I don’t know. By the time he told me, he’d already given up on the ranch and me.”
He hated that there was nothing he could do to change what had happened to her. She didn’t trust people to stay with her, because they hadn’t. “Lucy, none of that was your fault.”
With a pained expression, she closed her eyes for a moment. “That’s what I tell myself, but believing it is the hard part. I can only imagine what you must think of me for taking money from Ted—and then you.”
This time, David did reach for her hand. “You were a person in need, and he took advantage of that.”
Lucy looked down at their linked hands. “I don’t like to see myself as weak, but I let myself get engaged to a man I didn’t love, so I don’t know who I am anymore.” She weaved her fingers with his. “You asked me what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid I may not be the person I thought I was. I might be so much less.” She blinked back tears, and David’s heart clenched in his chest at the sight, but he kept silent. “I know you like me, David, but I don’t know if I have anything to offer anyone. I’m afraid of being alone. I’m afraid of being with someone. You scare the hell out of me. I like you, but I don’t know if I could handle losing someone else. Sometimes I think it would be a whole lot easier on both of us if we never saw each other again. I’m not myself right now, David, and you need to know that, because I don’t want to hurt you.”
David was glad, right then, that they hadn’t slept with each other yet. She had some healing to do before she’d trust what they felt for each other. “I’m not going anywhere, Lucy, but you don’t have to believe that today. And before you worry about hurting me, I’m a grown man. I know the risks. Worry less about me and more about what you need from this trip. If you could wave a wand and have these few days be any way you wanted, what would that be?”