Taking Charge (Lone Star Burn #4)(32)

“I tell Tony everything.”

“So that’s a no?”

“It’s a yes under duress. What is it? If you’re in trouble, I can’t promise I won’t enlist Tony’s help. We’re a team. But I won’t say a word to him unless I absolutely have to. How’s that?”

With a whoosh, everything Lucy had held in poured out. “David paid off my debt to Ted. I’m selling high-tech sex toys now to pay him back. I’m actually making money at it, but I can’t tell David. He is the nicest man I’ve ever met. I thought Ted was nice, too, and I was wrong. Am I wrong about David?”

“No,” Sarah said slowly. “David’s a good guy.”

“Too good, right? Too good to want to be with someone who would sell sex toys.”

“Whoa, wait. First, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that was what your new business was. I write romances. Why do you think that would shock me?”

“You haven’t seen some of these toys.”

“Exactly. Research. And, second, how do you know David wouldn’t be into them?”

Sarah’s really okay with it. Is it possible that I’m the only who is shocked by what I’m trying to sell? The only one who is embarrassed? No wonder I left Mavis. When I’m here, I feel like I have to be the daughter my parents thought I was. I have to find my way back to not seeing myself through their eyes.

“Is Tony into toys?”

“Not really, but he would be if I wore the right outfit and asked him to be. You have to give David a chance. He wouldn’t leave over something like that.”

And there it was, the reason Lucy was so afraid to move forward with David. “I don’t know if I could handle another person leaving me, Sarah.” Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. “It’s why I have trouble leaning on people. If I don’t need you, I won’t be devastated if you leave, too.”

“Oh, Lucy. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know. At least my head knows, but I never pictured myself alone like this. I had a family, and it was a good one. I thought it was, anyway. I loved Rhode Island. Life was fun, full, good. Then my dad died. I felt like I’d lost a quarter of my heart. Then I moved back here to help my mom, but what good did that do? And then Steven left. Every time something went wrong, I told myself to stay positive. All I had to do was be strong and keep going, but something happened inside me when Steven left, too. I can’t explain it. I want to hide from the world, but I feel so alone when I do. Horribly, utterly alone. I used to know what to do. Now, I don’t know who to trust, what to believe.”

“You. Are. Not. Alone. And David really cares about you. You have to know that.”

“I want to believe he does.”

“He stuck by Tony at his worst. If that didn’t run him off, nothing will.”

“I’m scared, Sarah. I don’t like feeling this way. I never used to be afraid of anything. How do I get back to being that person?”

Sarah was quiet for a bit. “I don’t think anyone ever gets ‘back’ after they’ve experienced loss. It’s terrifying when you realize how little of your life you’re in control of, that, at any moment, you could lose anyone or anything you love, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.”

“You think that way, too? You’re always so happy.”

Sarah sighed. “Of course I do, but I use that knowledge to make me stronger. What’s the alternative? Giving up? Wallowing in the past? I could have been that person, but I refused to be. When I accepted how temporary everything is, something beautiful happened. I started to see time as a gift. Every day I have with Tony is a day I am thankful for. I can’t think about what will happen if it ends. I can’t spend every day worrying that he might die or leave me for someone else. We want to have children. I won’t be able to enjoy them if I’m constantly afraid of losing them like I lost my little brother. I don’t want to live like that. Happiness is a decision to believe that we’re more than this—that despite what we know, being here is worth it. It’s a little like believing in Santa Claus. Once you know the truth, you never go back to waiting up to catch him come down the chimney, but you believe in the spirit of him, so the magic continues.”

She makes it sound so easy, just as she’s always made life look. But she’s experienced loss, too. She had issues with her family and survived them. All I have to do is believe? I wish I could snap my fingers and do that. “Should I tell David about my business?”

“Have you been on a date yet?”

“No.”

“Then I’d hold off on that. Let the man woo you a little before you bring out the dildos. Hey, that’s a great line. I may use that in a book.”

It was difficult to do anything but smile when talking to Sarah. “Thanks, Sarah. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me too. Now, when are you coming?”

“Mason is flying us in this morning.”

“Is he? He is so cool.”

“What should I take to wear? Is any part of the weekend going to be formal?”

“I don’t think so. Pack a dress if you want, but you’re so tiny, you can fit into any of our clothes if you need something.”

A knock on the downstairs door made Lucy jump to her feet. “That must be David. I have to run.”