Tabula Rasa(57)

I ended up ripping up the carefully constructed anonymous threat and throwing it in the trash. I was careful that no part of the address or name was visible or could be reconstructed. Shannon was rubbing off on me. I cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and went back to bed.





***





Every night without Shannon, the dreams came, each time more awful than the night before. I was sure that if he were here—if I were in his bed—the nightmares wouldn’t have the nerve to disturb my sleep.

On Sunday morning, Shannon returned.

“Elodie?”

I could tell by the sound of his voice that he wasn’t sure if I was there. Though surely he couldn’t think I would fill his house with plants and then run away.

I practically flew down the stairs to meet him even though I was afraid to see that deadness in his eyes that I was sure he reserved for most everyone else.

When he saw me, the hint of a smile appeared on his face, and I let out a breath. He did still want me here. So it must have been a test.

He seemed so much calmer and more relaxed than he’d been before. I’d always thought of Shannon as calm and methodical, but now, by its absence I realized there had been a buzz of restless energy below the surface. He might not give it away overtly, and he might not react strongly to things, but wheels were turning behind the scenes all the time. Now it seemed some tightly coiled thing inside him had been released and a reset button had been pressed.

“How was the job?” I asked.

He seemed caught off guard, surprised that I’d ask or care about the job, particularly since I knew what kinds of jobs he did.

“Satisfying. Everything went smoothly. The target knew he was being hunted. It’s always better when they know. It’s a bigger challenge. More fun.” He looked nearly giddy. Like a kid on Christmas morning discovering Santa got him everything he wanted, even though he’d asked for crazy things he shouldn’t expect to receive.

I must have made a bit of a freaked-out face at this display of too much information, because he noticed and changed the subject. “Jesus. It looks like a f*cking greenhouse in here.”

“I need them.”

He took a moment to look around, assessing the changes to his space. “What about the cat? Some of these might be poisonous.”

“They aren’t. Botanist, remember? I know my plants. I considered that when I bought them.”

“Okay. But you are the one who has to water and take care of them.” His eyes narrowed. “So you obviously left the house. I see you came back.”

“I want to be here with you.” It sounded so childish when I said it out loud. So nakedly hopeful. For a moment, I worried he’d laugh at me, but it was a wasted worry.

“Good. If you’d run, I would have come after you. I just wanted to know if I could trust you to leave and return on your own. It’s simpler if I don’t have to keep you on lock down. Did you say anything stupid to anybody in town?”

I was sure my face went a little white at that because I could feel the blood draining out of it.

In contrast, Shannon’s expression darkened. “What did you do?” The muscle in his jaw clenched.

“N-nothing.”

“What did you say?”

“J-just that I was staying with you. Somebody from town asked me.”

He stared at me for a good, long several minutes as if trying to determine if he believed me. “And that’s all you said? Nothing incriminating?”

“N-no.”

“No, what?”

“N-no, Sir.”

In his absence, I’d been cavalier about his anger. I’d forgotten how completely terrifying he could be if he was displeased about something. And I wondered again at my sanity in staying or even wanting to. One would think, with my memories back, that I’d want to stay the hell away from men, especially men like Shannon. But I didn’t think Shannon was anything like Professor Stevens or Trevor. In his way, he was more terrifying than the two of them put together, but he was scary in the way live volcanoes and tsunamis were scary. It didn’t feel personal. He was a force of nature to be respected, but despite everything I knew about him, I just didn’t believe he was evil.

I know that’s stupid. But I couldn’t help how I felt. There wasn’t a deep core of malevolence in him. He just didn’t have as strong of emotions or empathy as everybody else. Certainly it could be turned toward evil, but the military had used it as a tool, presumably for good. And when Shannon said the people he killed were bad people, I believed him.

“How much of my money did you spend?”

“M-most of what was in the drawer. You can take it out of my account. I wasn’t trying to steal from you.”

“That doesn’t matter. Besides all the plants, what did you buy?”

“Umm... snacks, wine, candles, magazines, stationery...”

“Candles? You burned candles in my house?” His voice rose the most subtle degree higher.

“Y-yes, Sir.”

“Candles drip.”

“I-I know. I didn’t make a mess.” I didn’t mention the fact that I’d spilled a bunch of dirt all over the house, getting the plants in and set up. I didn’t want him to have a heart attack. And I’d cleaned it all up.