Stranger Than Fanfiction(49)

“Are you sure we haven’t passed it?” Sam asked.

“Don’t worry, you’ll see a huge billboard with Captain Tydes, the park’s mascot,” Cash said. “Just take the exit after it.”

After another hour, there still was no billboard in sight. The impatient passengers were beginning to worry the actor was directionally challenged.

“How come there’s nothing on the Internet about High Tides?” Mo asked. “I’m trying to look up an address, but there’s nothing here—not even a photo.”

“It’s probably under new ownership and they changed the name,” Cash said. “I can’t wait to see what they’ve done with it! Hopefully they’re cool updates and nothing shitty.”

“We’re about twenty miles away from Dodge City,” Sam said. “Are we getting close to the park?”

Cash scrunched up his face. “That can’t be right. Dodge City is way east of High Tydes. It’s just outside Garden City.”

“My phone says Garden City is an hour west of here,” Topher said. “Are you sure you know where you’re going?”

“Oh shit,” the actor said. “High Tydes isn’t off the 283, it’s off the 83! But no one panic, we’re not far. Once we get into Dodge City, take the 400 west, and that’ll spit us out on the 83 north. I’ll guide you from there.”

Topher, Sam, Joey, and Mo were starting to feel like Spanish explorers in search of the Fountain of Youth. The longer they followed Cash’s guidance, the more restless they became. They eventually made it to the 83 but they still had no proof they were going in the right direction. Soon they started to doubt the amusement park even existed.

“I don’t have a good feeling about this anymore,” Topher said. “We won’t even have much time in the park before it gets dark. Maybe we should turn around and head to Amarillo—”

“There it is!” Cash energetically announced. “There’s the billboard! Take the next exit and make a left!”

After five hours and three hundred miles off course, the station wagon drove past the Captain Tydes billboard and the passengers finally had confirmation that High Tydes wasn’t just a figment of Cash’s childhood imagination. From that moment on, Cash seemed to know the area like the back of his hand. He guided the car through miles of fields, pointing out every boulder and tree on the side of the road as if they were old friends. Then like a mirage in a blistering desert, High Tydes appeared in the distance.

“That’s it! That’s it! That’s it!” Cash said, and bounced up and down like a giddy child. “I can’t believe I’m back after all these years! It’s like I’m returning to my homeland!”

The theme park was surrounded by a tall brick fence and evergreen trees, making it impossible to see anything but a few roller coasters peeking over the treetops. The station wagon turned into an enormous parking lot but it was completely empty.

“I’m having déjà vu to the world’s biggest rubber-band ball,” Joey said.

“Don’t worry, the off-season is always less crowded,” Cash said.

“Summer is the off-season for a water park?” Mo asked. “Something tells me it’s closed and we’ve made a huge mistake.”

“Guys, I don’t mean to seem high on my own stash, but I’m a famous actor from television,” Cash reminded them. “Even if it’s closed—they’ll open it.”

The car pulled up to the entrance on the south side of the park and the passengers discovered they should have trusted their instincts. The front gate was boarded up and wrapped in thick chains, and a large sign posted across it said HIGH TYDES CLOSED INDEFINITELY AS OF 9/26/07. Everyone in the car turned to Cash with the dirtiest looks physically possible.

“You jackass!” Joey yelled.

“This park has been closed for a decade!” Sam hollered.

“We could have gotten to Amarillo five hours ago!” Topher shouted.

“Why didn’t you tell me Tydes was spelled with a y!” Mo roared. “I could have saved us the trip if I knew what I was searching for!”

Cash was so devastated he wasn’t paying any attention to the anger directed his way. He stared at the bolted gates like he had just seen a small animal run over by a car. He shook his head in disbelief and looked like he was about to cry.

“I can’t believe it,” he said softly. “What happened? Why would they close it?”

“According to Google, High Tydes was shut down by Elkader Township officials after a series of sexual harassment complaints,” Mo read from her phone. “Apparently the characters were inappropriately groping the guests when they had their pictures taken. Also, they were caught serving alcohol to minors.”

“Explains why he liked it so much,” Joey said.

“I can’t believe we just drove three hundred miles for nothing!” Sam said.

“Let’s just get back on the road before we waste any more time,” Topher said. “As it is, we won’t get to Amarillo until midnight!”

As Sam put the gearshift into drive, the station wagon began making noises like a chain-smoker after a long jog. The engine rumbled like a robot taking its final breath and then came to an involuntary stop. Sam turned the ignition a number of times but the car wouldn’t restart.