Stranger Than Fanfiction(26)

“Later, dude,” Topher said. “Stay out of trouble while I’m gone, okay? No wild parties without me.”

“Finally, I’ll get to watch something on TV besides Wiz Kids,” Billy said as clearly as he could.

“It’s all yours, little bro,” Topher said. “Just don’t overdose on Ancient Aliens. And take care of Mom while I’m gone.”

Topher gave Billy’s good hand a fist bump, then hurried out the door. He loaded his suitcase into the back of the station wagon, then paced the driveway, scanning his neighborhood street with the intensity of an FBI agent looking for a wanted fugitive.

“Get ahold of yourself, Topher,” he thought aloud. “It wasn’t really him. Some web programmer is just busting your balls—they’re probably laughing at you right now.”

Suddenly, a black SUV turned onto his street. Topher had never seen the car in his neighborhood before and his heart started to race.

“Then again, what if he’s never been on a road trip before? What if he’s always wanted to go on one and was just waiting for someone to ask him? Oh my God what if he’s in that car right now?”

The SUV got closer and closer, making Topher’s heart beat faster and faster. To both his relief and disappointment, it turned down another street before it could pass his house.

“God, I’m so gullible.” Topher laughed. “I can’t believe I was up all night wondering if—”

“Who are you talking to?” said a voice directly behind him, causing Topher to jump a foot into the air. He quickly turned around and saw Joey and Sam with their luggage in hand.

“Jesus, you guys are stealthy!” Topher said.

“Good morning to you, too.” Sam giggled. “Were you talking to yourself just now?”

“What? Of course not,” Topher said. “I was just going over our itinerary in my head. I wasn’t expecting you guys would get here so early.”

“You’re the one who insisted we get here at ten o’clock sharp,” Sam reminded him. “That may mean fifteen past ten in Mo time, but Joey and I are usually prompt.”

“I know, I just wasn’t expecting you guys to appear out of the mist like that.”

“Dude, you’ve been so skittish lately,” Joey noted. “I hope you aren’t taking Adderall again.”

“Please, I learned my lesson during finals week,” Topher said, and changed the subject. “Well, happy first day of the road trip! Can I help you with your bags?”

He took their luggage and put it in the back of the station wagon with his own. Joey and Sam shared a look as he loaded the car—something was off about him.

“Topher, are you feeling okay? You seem a little stressed,” Sam asked.

“Nah, I just didn’t sleep much last night,” Topher said.

“Were you up late watching Naughty Nurses again?” Joey asked.

“No—it wasn’t like that,” Topher said. “And I told you about that in confidence.”

“Then what was it? Did Billy have another rough night?” Sam asked.

For a second Topher considered keeping it from them out of fear of embarrassment, but he figured they’d all get a good laugh out of it.

“Last night before I went to bed, I went to Cash Carter’s website and wrote him a letter,” Topher explained.

“A letter?” Sam said—already getting amusement out of it. “What kind of letter? Did you profess your undying love?”

“No, I just thanked him for entertaining us over the years,” Topher said. “I also mentioned we were going on a road trip and invited him to come along.”

“You did what?” Joey said with a laugh. “Oh man, I hope you didn’t include our names on it. That’s next-level lame.”

“It was just a joke—anyway, getting to the point, I got a response.”

“From the website?” Sam asked. “What did it say?”

“Let me guess,” Joey said. “‘Dear Friend, thank you so much for this message blah blah blah I’m too busy to respond to everyone blah blah blah Wiz Kids Wednesday nights at eight.’ Something like that?”

“No, it said ‘What time?’” Topher said. “So I responded with my address and the time we were leaving but didn’t hear back after that. I was up all night stressing over whether or not Cash Carter was planning to show up this morning.”

He pulled the exchange up on his phone so they could see it for themselves. Joey and Sam looked at each other, looked back at Topher, and then burst into laughter. They laughed so hard tears came to their eyes. Their amusement was contagious and Topher snickered at his own stupidity.

“Pretty dumb, right?” Topher said.

“Oh gosh, that’s hysterical!” Joey laughed. “Someone at his website was totally messing with you! And you believed it!”

“This is just like that thing during freshman year,” Sam said. “Remember when Mo thought she was Facebooking with the real Tobey Ramous? But it turned out to be a creepy old man with an Asian fetish!”

“Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad,” Topher said. “At least mine came from a reliable source.”

“I still can’t believe you thought there was even a chance Cash Carter would show up in Downers Grove.” Joey laughed. “Can you imagine any celebrity driving cross country in an old station wagon? You should never have told us, because we aren’t ever letting you forget about it.”