Standing in the Shadows (McClouds & Friends #2)(131)

Connor laid the picture down. "You're scaring me, Sean."

"I'm just telling you how it is. It's not just you alone on your white horse riding into the sunset, *. You get hurt, we get hurt. Got it?"

Connor nodded obediently and dropped into the chair. His knees were trembling. "Uh, you want a shot of whiskey? It'll mellow you out."

Sean frowned. "Things are too weird right now," he said. "We need to sharpen up, not chill out. I want coffee. You could use some, too, from the looks of you. And a shower, and a fresh shirt. You have a girlfriend now. You've got to make more of an effort."

The look on Connor's face made Sean freeze as he reached up for the coffeepot. His face tightened. "Oh, no. What's up with Erin?"

"Nothing," Connor muttered.

"What kind of nothing?" Sean persisted.

The memory of last night replayed in his mind in one cold, hard, sickening whoosh, like a punch to the gut.

"The bad kind," he admitted. "The worst kind."

Sean grabbed the coffeepot. "That sucks," he said grimly. "We're in for it now. What happened?"

Connor suppressed a sharp retort. Sean was on edge today, and he didn't have the energy to cope with another outburst. "Nick told her I was nuts. He told her I was a murder suspect. And she doesn't appreciate getting dragged into what she sees as a wacko paranoid fantasy. Christ, who could blame her. She's got enough problems."

Sean measured coffee into the espresso pot. He flipped on the gas and turned his hard gaze onto his brother. "So? That's it? End of story?"

Talking about it left a bitter, metallic taste in his mouth. "She told me to get lost, Sean. She thinks I'm mentally unbalanced."

"And that means you're going to give up? Just like that?"

Connor looked at him, and threw up his hands in silent eloquence.

Sean paced restlessly around the kitchen. "You know what, Con? I remember the night you first met that girl."

Connor knew his brother too well not to mistrust that light, casual tone. "Do you, now?" he said warily.

"I sure do. It wasn't long after you got recruited into the undercover unit. Back when you were still starry-eyed and heavy into the mystique of your new job. A year or so after Kevin was killed. Davy was just about to ship out for Desert Storm."

"Your memory is freaky," Connor commented.

"Yeah, just like yours, except that yours is selective. Let me finish my story. So you come back from dinner at Ed's house one night, all bug-eyed and quiet. And when I ragged you to find out what was up, you said, hey, leave me alone. It's a big day. I just met my future bride."

Connor went cold. "I said that?"

"Yeah, you said that," Sean said. "It knocked me on my ass. You said, Ed Riggs's daughter is so pretty, I can't even believe the stupid shit I said. Probably Riggs's wife thinks I'm a retard. Only problem is, she's seventeen years old."

"You're making this up," Connor said.

"Cross my heart," Sean said. "This scene is engraved in stone in my memory. So I say to you, You filthy perv. That's going to go over real good at your new job, lusting after your colleague's teenage daughter. And you know what you said to me?"

Connor braced himself. "What did I say?"

"You said, No problem, man. I'll wait for her." Sean glared at him.

"I said that?" Connor said numbly.

"Yeah! You said that! And I thought you were joking! But you weren't! You f*cking weren't joking!"

The coffeepot began to gurgle and hiss, but Sean was locked in his indignant pose. Connor reached past him and shut off the gas. "Don't blow this all out of proportion," he muttered. "It's not like I kept myself pure for ten years, for God's sake."

"Oh, yes, you did." Sean put a sharp, vicious emphasis on every word. "Sure, you f*cked some other women now and then, but that's as far as it went. Am I right? Answer me, goddamn it!"

Connor thought about all the times he'd gently broken things off whenever the woman he was seeing started talking about the future.

Ouch. Not much point in denying it. "Calm down, Sean," he said. "I don't have the energy for another big scene right now."

"Don't tell me to calm down! Don't tell me that you've dreamed about this girl for a decade, you save her from a fate worse than death, you survive her conniving * of a father, you rescue her sister from the Fuckhead, you win over the homicidal mother-in-law, you finagle your way into her bed, and you're giving up now?"

"She thinks I'm nuts, Sean!" Connor yelled.

"So convince her that you're not!" Sean bellowed back. "You are never going to be happy if you let this go, and I hate it! I can't stand to watch you waste away again!"

Their furious gazes locked. Connor was the first to look away. "I've got to make sure I'm not crazy for real before I get near her again," he said heavily. "I've created enough chaos in her life. I don't want to pile something like that on her shoulders, too. That would be cruel."

Sean's mouth tightened. He poured the coffee and handed Connor a cup. "Weren't you with Erin when Vega got whacked?"