Spin My Love (My Love #1)(17)

I puff out a deep breath. “I don’t hate you. This is a mess, but I don’t hate you. We have a lot to talk about, though.”

“You’re so strong,” he says, voice hoarse. “I’ll come around tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I reply.

I kiss him on the cheek and head inside, locking the door and turning on the alarm behind me. When the door is closed I lean back against it, closing my eyes.

What a day.

Things can only get better from here, right?

I knock on wood, just to be safe.

*****

Tane

I bury my head deeper into the pillow, wishing it would swallow me whole. I cannot believe this shit. I’ve f*cked up numerous times in the past, but this really takes the cake.

My actions are now affecting others, affecting my son.

Parker.

Is it possible to love a kid so much? A kid you have only seen a couple of times, and only just found out was yours?

I already knew he was special. I already cared about him because he was a part of Giselle. But now … I don’t think words could fully express how I’m feeling. Soul-deep, mind-numbing love.

I have a son with the most amazing woman I have ever met. Even better, she’s giving me a chance, despite what a f*ck-up I’ve proven myself to be. I can only hope that she will forgive me, even though I know I don’t deserve it. I will be better for them: my family. I sure as hell have a lot of making up to do.

I flip over onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. I wish my mother were here to meet her grandchild. She would have loved Parker, just as she loved me. I run my hand over my face, wincing at the pain around my swollen eye.

I deserved that. I welcomed the pain. Physical pain is easier to take than emotional. Scars heal easier on the outside.

I close my eyes and will myself to sleep. Tomorrow I need to make everything right.

Tomorrow I become a father.





Chapter Eight

Giselle

After a rough night of tossing and turning, I stand barefoot in my kitchen flipping pancakes.

“Pancakes,” Parker cheers as he sits down at the table.

“Are your yes-sirs having breakfast with us?” I ask with a raised eyebrow. He has a bunch of toy soldiers in his hand, which he refers to as yes sirs. He has called them that ever since he could talk, and I find it too adorable to correct him.

Parker gives me a lopsided smile. “You’re silly, Mama.”

I grin as I crack an egg to fry in a separate pan. I’m not in the mood for pancakes today.

I serve our food and sit adjacent to Parker. We have breakfast together, and Parker manages to eat most of his by himself. Of course, a lot of the food ends up on the table and floor, and as I’m cleaning up there is a knock at the door. I was wondering when he would arrive.

The walk to the front door seems unusually long.

“Good morning,” I say as I open the door wide, welcoming Tane inside.

“Hey,” he rumbles. He looks like he didn’t get much sleep either. His eye looks bruised and painful. He walks into the kitchen and comes to a standstill when he sees Parker. He drums his fingers on his thigh, clearly not sure how to handle the situation. I watch as his gaze rakes over his son, taking in every little feature. He swallows, and then glances at me for guidance.

“Parker, Tane is here,” I say, trying to keep my voice as unaffected as possible. Parker turns around and gives Tane a smile. Tane gives him a forced smile back, his eyes not straying from Parker’s face. I have no idea how he wants to do this. Does he want me to tell Parker? Pale-green eyes disappear as Tane squeezes his lids shut. The air in the room is thick.

I clear my throat.

“Tane …”

“Let me talk to him, please,” he says in a hoarse voice. His eyes flutter open and the look in them is intense. Pleading. I don’t want him to. I feel nervous, not sure whether I should speak to Parker instead. However, I nod, and head back to the sink to finish washing up. I need to give Tane this chance, don’t I? He’s the one who needs to build a relationship with Parker.

I always defended my actions by saying that I tried, but the truth is I could have tried harder. Tane not having been a part of Parker’s life isn’t all his fault. In fact, I’d say it’s mostly mine. It wasn’t fair of me to assume that Tane wasn’t ready when I really had no idea how he’d have handled the situation if he’d known I was pregnant. This whole situation is a complete mess of what ifs. This is the reality of it though, and there is no point in questioning it anymore. It is what it is and we need to make the most of it for my son’s happiness.

Tane and Parker walk into the lounge room, side by side. Parker looks up at him, then copies the way Tane pulls at the bottom of his t-shirt. I sigh heavily. I have no idea what Tane’s going to tell my son; I just hope Parker doesn’t get too upset. I have no idea how he’s going to take this, or how much of it he’s going to understand completely.

I last a whole minute before I change my mind about being in that room with them.

Screw this.

I turn the tap off and quickly dry my hands on the closest hand towel. I know Tane wants to do this alone, but I need to be there. This should be a family discussion.

I walk into the lounge room. Their conversation ceases at my entrance, so I take a seat opposite them and nod at Tane for him to continue. He watches me a moment, giving me a gentle look, then turns back to Parker.