Soldier (Talon, #3)(75)
“Garret...” My stomach was turning cartwheels, and the light touch across my hand was making it hard to think. There was so much I wanted to tell him. So much he needed to know. My dragon side would never accept him, she had already claimed someone else. And that someone else was supposedly my life-mate, only he didn’t know it yet.
Nothing has changed, he told me. But that wasn’t true. I wasn’t the same girl he’d met in Crescent Beach. I had killed. Not just in self-defense; I’d attacked with the full knowledge that I was going to murder people. Riley called it a war, and would say that it was either them or us, but that didn’t change the fact that I had entered battle with the intent to burn and savage and slaughter humans. Just like Talon wanted.
No, I realized suddenly. Not like Talon wanted. Talon wanted me to be a ruthless, coldhearted killer, a Viper like Lilith. They’d expected me to feel no remorse when it came to murdering humans, deceiving humans, manipulating humans. Even Dante, the twin I’d thought knew better than anyone, expected this. Emotions were a human thing; they had no place in the life of a dragon—that’s what Talon had taught us. The same organization that said humans were lesser beings, tools to be used and discarded. The same organization that suppressed any hints of independence and killed—quite literally—any thoughts of disloyalty. I had been struggling so hard with the knowledge that dragons weren’t supposed to feel, to love, like humans, but who had taught me that? Who had pounded that notion into my head until it became truth, something I didn’t question anymore?
Talon.
“Ember.” Garret’s voice was low and calm as I sat reeling with the sudden insight. “It’s all right. You don’t have to say anything. I just...wanted to let you know.” He rose smoothly, making no sound as he stood. I glanced up at him and saw his eyes were still kind, though a shadow hovered over his face. “Just think about it,” he said softly, drawing back. “I’ll still be here, whatever you decide.”
“Wait.” I caught his hand before he could leave, and he went perfectly still. Choose, Ember. Right now. Dragon or human? Which side are you? What do you want to be the most?
“I’m sorry,” I told him, and felt every muscle beneath my fingers go rigid. “I’ve made mistakes, too, and people have been hurt because of it. I need to stop running away, and face them head-on, no matter how painful. In the long run, it’ll be better for everyone. It shouldn’t have taken me this long to realize that.”
“Ember...”
“Back at the hotel in Vegas,” I continued, hurrying on before I lost my nerve. “Right before you left for England. When you told me...” I trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud. Garret was barely breathing, as if he feared any movement would cause this moment to shatter. I could no longer look at him and dropped my gaze to the desk. Even then, I’d known what I wanted. I’d just let Talon and my own doubts convince me otherwise.
I’m sorry, Riley. But we do have a choice and, at least in this, I choose to be more human.
“I was wrong,” I admitted softly. “Letting you walk out...was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I should have said yes.” Garret’s hand trembled in mine, and I closed my eyes. “I should have asked you to stay.”
For just a heartbeat, we were both frozen. The clock on the wall ticked, a faint sound in the absolute silence.
Then Garret grabbed the hand that still held his own, yanked me to my feet and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pressed forward, backing me against the wall of the tiny room. His kisses were hungry and intense, shocking me with their passion. Like this had been pent up for a long time and was finally free. My dragon howled in protest, shrieking that this was wrong, but the flames within only made me desperate to get closer. I gasped and arched my head back, digging my fingers into his shoulders, shivering as his lips traced my jaw and neck. I didn’t care that we were in a semipublic place, that people could walk by and see us, and Garret didn’t seem to mind, either. My hands roamed over his back and shoulders, tracing his skin, feeling the hard muscles beneath. He leaned forward, kissing my shoulder, and I nipped the side of his neck, hearing his ragged intake of breath as he nearly fell into me. His mouth found mine again, and I growled as I locked our bodies together, startled by how much I wanted this, too.
It seemed like a long time before we drew back. Both our hearts were thudding wildly, our breaths ragged and erratic. Garret gazed down at me, those metallic-gray eyes so open and trusting it made my chest hurt. “What now, dragon girl?” he whispered.
I swallowed hard. Now came the challenge of telling a possessive, hot-tempered rogue dragon that I had chosen to be with a human. “I’ll have to talk to Riley,” I muttered. About a lot of things. “Probably better that he doesn’t...see us together. At least not yet.”
Garret’s thumb brushed my cheek, making me shiver. “Is he going to try to kill me?” he asked with a faint smile. “Am I going to wind up in the emergency room with third-degree burns and a group of very confused doctors?”
Unbidden, a tiny laugh forced its way past my lips, though I wasn’t sure if he was half-joking or being completely serious. “I don’t know,” I said, while inside, the dragon raged at me, furious and appalled. What are you doing? she snarled. You belong with Cobalt! He’s your Sallith’tahn! He just doesn’t know it yet because you haven’t told him.