Soldier (Talon, #3)(74)

“Hey,” I greeted, glancing at the screen in front of him. It was blank, all the windows closed out, leaving no clue of what had been on it. “Did you get in touch with Tristan?” I asked. He nodded shortly.

“I sent him a private message,” the soldier answered. “Using an old secure channel. He should see it and know who it’s from.”

“Do you think he’ll agree to meet with you?”

“I don’t know.” He gestured to a small black phone sitting on the desk beside the computer. “I gave him the number of the burner phone. As soon as he contacts me, for whatever reason, I’ll destroy it and we can leave the premises. I’m sure Riley is eager to move out.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “We’re just waiting for Tristan’s answer.”

He fell silent, staring at the phone, as if willing his former partner to call him. His eyes were bloodshot, and his normally close-cropped hair was getting kind of shaggy. He looked...tired. More than tired. World-weary. The kind of deep, bone-crushing exhaustion that descends on you when you’re out of options and all your choices suck.

I understood. The last few days I’d caught only snatches of sleep here and there. Between crappy hotel beds, taking watch every few hours and being paranoid that the Order would kick down the door at any moment, I’d spent more nights awake than not.

Of course, that assumed I could even sleep anymore without the nightmares. I had killed again; it seemed I would never escape that now. Those men in the Vault, those strangers I’d never met, they had died so easily. One moment they were standing there, shouting at me, the next they were gone. Alive, and then dead. Just like that.

Life was so fragile, I mused, shivering. Anyone could be taken away; gone in the blink of an eye. I was terrified that, very soon, I would watch it happen to someone I cared about. Add to that the continuous stress of being hunted, sharing a room with two people who made my insides dance in different ways and the whole future conversation with Riley hanging over my head, and I wasn’t in the most cheerful of moods. I was weary of running and weary of being shot at. I missed Crescent Beach, where I’d had friends, a brother, a real home. I wondered if Garret felt the same.

“Do you miss it sometimes?” I asked softly. His metallic eyes flicked to me, and I nodded at the phone. “That life? Being part of St. George. Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened...if you never came to Crescent Beach?”

“If we’d never met?” Garret’s voice was emotionless. “I’ve always thought about it.”

I looked away from him, stunned. That hurt a lot more than I thought it would. Though I didn’t know what I was expecting. Garret was an outcast, on the run from the Order he once called family, hunted and hated by Talon and St. George alike. Because he’d met a dragon in a tiny town called Crescent Beach, and his world started to fall apart.

“But I don’t have to wonder,” Garret continued before I could say anything. “I know exactly what would’ve happened. I’d still be with St. George, hunting and killing dragons because the Order told me it was right. I’d be out there gunning down rogues, maybe hunting Riley himself, because I wouldn’t know there’s a difference. I’d still be killing indiscriminately. And I...would have never met you.”

Warily, I peeked up. The soldier met my gaze and offered a tired smile. “I wouldn’t go back,” he said softly, clearly. “Not with what I know now. Don’t wonder if this is worth it, Ember. It is. Even after all that’s happened, I still wouldn’t change it for anything.”

My heart turned over. He was giving me that look. That steady, soulful, faintly sad look that could melt me into a puddle at his feet. The one that said he didn’t care if I was a dragon and he was a soldier of St. George. I’d hurt him so badly, crushed his feelings, driven him away, and he still found it in him to return and help the girl who wasn’t sure she could ever love him back.

But he was being cautious now, not moving any closer, giving me the choice of staying put or walking away. A part of me knew I should walk away. Leave now, and make absolutely certain that he knew a dragon couldn’t feel the same.

Even though it was a complete, horrible lie.

For a moment, a heavy silence hung between us. Then the soldier let out a breath, like he’d finally come to a decision.

“I wanted to forget you,” he murmured, as my heart started thudding in my ears, reacting to his presence. I found myself easing forward, closing the distance between us, as Garret’s voice dropped even lower. “I wanted to convince myself that I had been wrong, that there was no way I could feel anything for something that wasn’t human.” He paused, and I bit the corner of my lip, knowing I had driven him there. To decide that I had been a monster, after all.

“I couldn’t,” he finally whispered. “You were the one who taught me to live, to take chances. For a while, I convinced myself that we were too different, and that it was better to let you go. But now, I’ve come to the realization that my life is probably going to be very short. And I want to spend it doing something that matters. With someone that matters. I don’t want to regret that I gave up without a fight.”

My heart seemed to stop. Garret paused, as if gathering his thoughts, or his courage, then took a deep breath. “I know I’ve made mistakes,” he continued, shaking his head. “But there’s still the chance for me to fix them. I shouldn’t have walked out that night.” His brow creased, a flicker of pain and regret going through his eyes. “Ember, I know you can’t feel what I do,” he said. “I get that. But...I want to be with you. And if that’s not possible, I’ll be content just to be close. Fighting Talon with you and Riley, helping people, saving other dragons from the Order—there is nothing I want more. And nowhere else I want to be.” His fingertips came to rest against the back of my hand, sending a zip of current through my whole body. “I’m done hiding,” he whispered. “Nothing has changed. I know we might not have a lot of time, but what we do have, I want to spend right here.”