Soldier Mine (Sons of War #2)(20)

“You could get out,” she reminds me. “You have the open offer to leave when you want.”

I do, but I’ve never considered it. “You know I won’t leave until they boot me out.”

“Not even to come with me to New York? It’s not like you need a job, Petr.”

“I don’t, but what I do makes me happy.” I shrug. “I’m close to Baba, involved in the community, and serving my country.”

She nods. I don’t know that she really understands, and her next question confirms that she doesn’t. “Can you at least consider it, if I take the job?”

Wherever our relationship is, this is important to her. I’m not sure how to tell her there’s no way I’m moving, but I also think that right now, until she has the job, it’s a moot point. “Let’s just wait and see what happens,” I say again gently. “From what you’ve told me before, these interview processes can take a few weeks, right?”

She nods half-heartedly. “They want to have a candidate chosen by Christmas.”

“You might go and find out you’re allergic to skyscrapers or something,” I joke.

“Yeah. Maybe. What does that mean for now? We’re a couple until I get a new job?”

“I don’t know that we’ve been a couple in the strict sense.”

“Why? Because we haven’t slept together in a few months?”

“Partially.”

“This hasn’t been easy on me either, Petr.”

There’s no safe answer, so I remain quiet.

“We were together, broke up, almost engaged … then Mikael didn’t come back from Iraq and you came back …” She stops.

“Broken,” I supply.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way, Petr.”

What other way is there to take it? We tried getting intimate this past summer, and she sort of freaked out about my leg. In fact, she sobbed more than I did losing it. It was then my suspicion about why she stayed with me was confirmed.

She feels guilty. Before Mikael and I went out on the mission that ended in an ambush, Brianna had broken the news to me she was seeing someone else. I had intended to return home after the mission and propose. She found out, probably from an infuriated Katya. Mikael didn’t come home, and I was out of it for months afterwards.

I imagine Brianna did go through a lot. I just wish I’d been allowed to be apart of it or better yet, that she’d made some effort not to be quite as self-possessed as usual. One trip to the hospital during the four months I was there, a card, not breaking down when she saw my leg, something. I don’t think it’s too much to ask.

I’ll never tell her so. I forgive more easily than Katya, and I want Brianna to be happy, whatever form that takes. I can read between the lines: she can’t deal with my leg, whether from her own sense of guilt or the fact I’m not a whole man anymore. I’m hurting from her admission, but I’m honorable enough that I don’t want her to be.

“It’s a holiday,” I say, forcing on a cheerful display of bravado while my insides twist. “You’ve got an incredible opportunity at your feet. We’ll talk about New York when it happens, okay? In the meantime, let’s get some food.”

“Okay,” she says and offers a small smile. “I’m surprised you aren’t carrying around pies today.”

“I’ve had my fill.” I pat my rock hard abs.

We make our way back to the dining area. I’m almost grateful when a staff member intercepts me. She’s near tears and squeaks out he emergency: the chocolate chip cookies have nearly been depleted.

I apologize to Brianna with a smile. She moves on, and I become the cookie hero of the day by calling my father’s assistant, Zach, and tasking him to find more cookies immediately. Promising the tearful staff member she’ll have cookies within the hour, I try not to laugh at the civilian crisis as I walk away.

I don’t try to find Brianna again. I’m happier than I should be for her to be headed to New York. She doesn’t try to find me, either. I’m not surprised when I receive a text from her about an hour later.

Sorry, Petr, but I can’t do this. Either we’re together or we’re not. I’m going to assume not, at least for now. I don’t want to go to New York with the expectation you’re coming with me (assuming I get the job) when I know it’s not true.

I retreat to the relative solitude of the restroom to read her note again and consider the best way to respond. In the end, simple wins out.

Sorry to hear that, but I understand. You’ll do awesome. Good luck on the interview. I tap send and lower the phone.

I thought I’d be relieved about what seems like a break up. I kind of don’t, though. If anything, I feel more like a failure, someone who couldn’t patch things up with the woman I’d been with off and on for several years. If someone I grew up with and dated can’t get over my leg, who can?

Aware I need my head straight to deal with any more crises, I tuck the phone away and leave my moment of peace to tackle the crowds outside.

I spot Claudia this time when I wander through the people. The sight of her makes my stomach feel like the down side of a roller coaster and my body fevered. I can’t look away once I see her and make my way towards her.

She’s adorable this afternoon, wearing black leggings and a long sweater-tunic that reaches mid thigh. Her straight hair is loose around her shoulders and shimmers like blonde silk while her subdued makeup is nonetheless charming. When not in her waitress uniform, she’s even more beautiful with her delicate, elfin features and large eyes.