Since She Went Away(95)

His mom leaned forward. She started to ask another question but stopped. Natalie knew what she wanted to ask. “I was there when it happened,” she said. “I was locked in my room. He did that sometimes, just to control me. He didn’t trust me because technically he had kidnapped me. He didn’t have custody of me. He wasn’t supposed to have me, but I went along with him. He’s my dad. I didn’t feel like I could say no or run away. That’s why we lived under the other names. That’s why he never let me out. I was locked in my room that night, and I heard them arguing. And then I heard them struggle like there was a fight going on. Then it all went quiet.” She swallowed. “They didn’t mention Celia. Not that I could hear. But I think I heard a couple of names mentioned. I’m almost positive.”

“Who?” his mom asked.

“Ursula and Bobby.”

Jared watched his mom’s face. She looked as if she’d taken a blow, something sharp and unexpectedly painful. “But you’re not sure?” she asked.

“I’m pretty sure. About an hour later, my dad came into my room. He told me to pack, and he told me I couldn’t go in the living room. I didn’t think there was a body there, but it didn’t surprise me when I heard it on the news.”

“Where did you hear about it?” Jared asked.

“He kept the radio on in the car sometimes,” she said. “We knew people were looking for me. For us. Dad had some cash. He used that for shitty little motel rooms and fast food restaurants. We hung out in rest areas and mall parking lots a lot. It was scary. Terrifying at times, running around like criminals, looking over our shoulders no matter what we did. But it was boring too. Just amazingly boring. I didn’t have my books or anything. It was just driving around and driving around, like we were in a maze with no exit.”

She sipped more of the tea, holding the mug with two hands. “Dad drove west for a while, like he was going back to Nebraska. And then he turned around and came back toward Kentucky. I didn’t know what his plan was. I don’t think he had one. I don’t know that he was thinking clearly. He was floundering, I think.”

“Why didn’t you run away earlier?” Jared asked. He’d watched enough crime shows to know what Stockholm syndrome was and that kidnappers could exert such fear and control over someone that they wouldn’t even attempt to get away. But Natalie seemed so clearheaded and logical, he didn’t think she’d been completely controlled or subjugated by her dad.

“He promised me something, something I couldn’t say no to,” she said. Her eyes filled with tears again, and she let go of the mug and wiped them off her face. His mom stood up and found a box of tissues. She brought them to the table, and Natalie thanked her while she cleaned her face. “He told me my mom was still alive.”

“And you believed him?” his mom asked.

“Mom.”

“I’m sorry,” his mom said. “Go on, honey.”

“It’s okay,” Natalie said. “He told me he’d take me to her, that I could see her again. He kind of hinted she lived here. And then he hinted she lived somewhere else, somewhere back East. Maybe that’s why he came back this way, to make me think I was going to see Mom.”

“You must have asked a lot of questions,” Jenna said. “You must have been curious about what was going on.”

“I was,” Natalie said. “You have to understand something about my dad. He can be very charming. Persuasive, you know? He knows how to talk. And he knows how to intimidate people. I didn’t want to ask too much. He told me my mom was having problems. He hinted she was involved with drugs.”

“Was she?” Jenna asked.

“I don’t know. I doubt it. But she was depressed a lot. She tried to kill herself once after Dad left. I was really young, but I remember when she was in the hospital. I stayed with my grandma, who was alive back then.” She swallowed. “What I’m saying is my mom wasn’t really stable either. I know she loved me, but when Dad told me she’d left, it wasn’t far-fetched. My mom hadn’t been home for a couple of days. That happened sometimes. I just took care of myself.”

“Really?” his mom asked. “You stayed alone?”

“I could cook. And wake up on time. I did my homework. And she always came back. She did. I didn’t ask where she went. I figured she partied or was with guys.” Natalie shivered. “I didn’t ask.”

“That’s smart,” his mom said.

“But this time Dad showed up at the house, and he said we needed to leave. He said Mom was gone, and we needed to go find her. I hadn’t seen him in about six months. But he said he had a job, and he thought he knew where Mom was. That’s why I went. She always had problems, and I thought we’d be helping her if we found her.”

“But the police thought your mom might have been dead. They thought your dad—”

“I know.” Natalie looked down at the table for a moment. She looked back up and said, “When I heard about your friend disappearing, about Celia, it just hit me in a strange way. I knew what that was like. My mom was gone, and I didn’t know where she was. You were all going through the same thing. I understood. I really did.”

“I wish we had talked about it,” Jenna said.