Since She Went Away(33)

His gaze trailed out the window. Jenna followed it and didn’t see anything worth noting. Ian appeared lost in his own thoughts, and she struggled with hers. She’d missed so much of Celia’s life, and that life might be over. And again she wondered about the role she could have played if she had known everything that was going on with her friend.

But then she came back to the important questions at hand. “Did anybody else know about it? The thing with the dentist?”

“You think I haven’t been thinking about that for the last week? You think I haven’t been through every name of every person we knew?” Ian looked at his watch. “I can’t look at anybody the same way again.”

Jenna studied Ian’s profile as he continued to stare out the window. “Is that the only reason you agreed to come out to meet me? To ask me what I knew? After you haven’t said a word to me for months?”

He turned back to face her, a look on his face she couldn’t read.

“You could have spoken to me a long time ago. Let me apologize or something. Instead I waited . . .”

Ian stopped her by reaching out and placing his hand over the top of hers. She felt the warmth of his skin, its surprising softness. He let it rest there for several moments, and then he squeezed it gently.

Without saying anything else, he stood up and left.

Jenna remained in her seat until well after Ian was gone, processing the conversation. When the waiter came back, she asked for the bill. He informed her that it had already been taken care of by Mr. Walters.





CHAPTER TWENTY


The day felt like spring, the temperature climbing into the high forties. Jared walked home alone, his backpack bumping lightly against his body as he moved along, ignoring the passing streams of cars and buses filled with his fellow students. A few voices shouted at him as they went past, calling his name or just yelling. What else is there to do while riding a ridiculous school bus when you’re in high school?

It took Jared ten minutes to reach the edge of downtown. He was south of Tabitha’s neighborhood, and he stood still for a moment, his head turned toward the north where she lived. He could easily walk that way, swing by her house, and see what was going on. But did he really need to push? Mike had offered the unsolicited advice to move on, to find someone less complicated. Someone allowed out of the house after seven o’clock in the evening.

Jared understood why Mike said that, but he wasn’t going to listen.

He didn’t want anyone else. He only wanted Tabitha. He wanted everything to go back to the way it had been.

But he walked toward home, crossing through downtown. She’d be back in school the next day, he told himself. They’d pick up where they left off. But even as those thoughts trailed through his mind, he doubted them. There seemed to be too much to overcome. Her father’s kiss, the rock through the window. His lack of any real knowledge about her.

His thoughts ping-ponged. Maybe Mike was right. If he could get one girlfriend, he could get another, right? But he didn’t want another.

He was a few blocks from his house when the car pulled up alongside him. He didn’t recognize it. An older Ford Taurus, green with fading spots around the fenders and on the roof. He thought they were going to ask for directions, or maybe it was someone from school wanting to talk to him.

Then he saw the face through the passenger window. Tabitha.

Jared looked past her to the driver’s seat. It was her dad, his broad face staring straight ahead, looming over the steering wheel like a resting lion.

Tabitha stepped out and closed the door behind her. Jared’s heart raced, the kind of excitement he felt when he was a kid on the verge of receiving a new toy. She was here. It was going to be okay.

But Tabitha wore a somber look. There was no light in her eyes.

She placed her hand gently on Jared’s elbow and guided him a few feet away from the car. He wanted to hug her, to pull her close so he could take in the scent of her hair, the softness of her body, but she had a wall up. There was a stiffness to her posture, a formality as though the two of them were distant relatives and not two people who had spent the previous few weeks falling in love.

“Listen,” Tabitha said. “I need to talk to you.”

“Are you sick? Is that why you weren’t in school?”

“Not exactly.” She looked over her shoulder and back toward the car. Her father hadn’t moved. He still stared straight ahead. But Jared got the sense he knew exactly what the two of them were doing, even if he wasn’t looking. He seemed like the kind of guy who wouldn’t miss a thing.

Jared assumed he knew about the night before. Jared lurking in the yard, the rock through the window right after the weird kiss on the lips.

“I’m sorry about last night,” Jared said, trying to get his words in preemptively. If she could only hear him and know what he felt.

But Tabitha was shaking her head, the movement quick and urgent as if she was late for something. “It’s okay,” she said. “I know the whole thing is weird.”

“It doesn’t have to be. I don’t care if it’s weird or not weird.”

Jared didn’t know why, since he’d never dated anyone before, but he felt her words coming before she said them. She was going to break up with him.

“We can’t see each other anymore,” she said. She hesitated, as though there was something else to add. She looked back at the car again. “We just can’t,” she said, her voice lower.