Silent Child(18)

“I can’t wait until this is all over and we can bring Aiden home,” I said, sipping on my tea. I flinched as it burned my tongue, and blew softly over the liquid.

Jake had brought me to the hospital canteen. I felt guilty being so far from Aiden, but was glad to be away from those stark corridors. We sat at a wobbly table and watched as visitors bought cups of coffee for their elderly relatives. A woman desperately tried to soothe her screaming baby, red-faced from embarrassment.

“Is that wise?” Jake crossed his legs and smoothed the fabric of his trousers. “At least straight away. We don’t know what kind of psychological harm Aiden has suffered. Are we really equipped to deal with it?”

I stared at Jake, unable to find the words I needed to convey how ridiculous I found that notion. I was his mother; I was all he needed. I must have been frowning or glaring, because Jake stuttered as he attempted to explain further.

“What I mean is… Aiden is… well, he’s going to need a lot of specialist care, and we need to be careful that we give him what he requires to get better. There’s a reason why he’s still in shock and still won’t speak about what happened to him. Let’s just not rush things. Let’s make sure we listen carefully to the experts. I mean, it might not even be safe to bring him home, especially as you’ll be having the baby soon.”

“You think Aiden is dangerous?” I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to piece Jake’s words together in my fogged state of exhaustion. “He’s not dangerous.”

Jake reached across the table and took my hand. “Sweetheart. Think for a minute. You haven’t seen Aiden for a decade. A decade, Emma. He isn’t the sweet six-year-old boy you remember. He’s almost a fully grown man. We know nothing about him.”

Gently, I slid my hand out from his. Was there any truth in what he was saying? Could Aiden really be dangerous? When I saw him sitting there in that hospital bed, all I could think about was the boy in the red anorak who kissed me goodbye in the school carpark. Maybe Jake was right. I didn’t know him, not anymore.

“Okay, we won’t rush things,” I said. “But I really want Aiden to come home with us. He deserves to be part of a family. He’s my son, Jake. He’s my boy. I let him down and he’s lived in hell for ten years. I need to make sure he has a healthy, happy home now. And that means he’s your son too and you need to act like you’re his father.”

Jake retracted his hand sharply and frowned. “You don’t think I’m acting like that already? I’m just trying to look out for him.”

“I didn’t… I mean… of course—”

“You don’t think I’m prepared to be a dad for him? I am, Emma, I am.” His cheeks flushed and the volume of his voice started to rise, which surprised me because Jake was generally such a soft-spoken man. “I mean for God’s sake, Emma, not many men would deal with this so well. Your teenage son just came back from the dead.” As his agitation grew, I sat there with my mouth flapping open and shut. “Everything was perfect. We have the baby on the way, the house is pristine, ready for the new arrival. You have your job. I had the promotion to head of the art department. Everything was perfect.” He lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

“Hey.” I stood, moved towards him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “It’s still going to be perfect. So our family is a bit bigger than we expected; that’s okay, right? Aiden is going to make things even better. Bump has a big brother!” I rubbed his shoulders, finally realising that this hadn’t just been a huge strain on me, it had been a huge strain on him, too. Of course it had. I couldn’t begrudge him some adjustment time.

Jake’s hands spread up and over my arms, pulling them around his body so I was hugging him and he was clutching me tightly. “As long as you’re mine, I don’t care about everything else.” He kissed my hands. My belly pressed against the back of the chair, and I felt Bump move again. The pressure of her small feet made me ache, and I let out a moan of discomfort.

“Seems like Bump would agree with you,” I laughed.

I had to pull myself out of Jake’s grip to move away. I barely caught the expression on his face as I went back to the other side of the table. He seemed to be half-frowning, and I longed to look into his mind to know what he was thinking. I imagined his thoughts as dark, terrifying and cold, isolated from the world, like a lonely boy bracing himself against the freezing cold wind on a snowy mountain top.

“How long is Rob staying?” he asked. “He’ll have to go back to the army soon, right?”

I eased myself back into my chair. “I don’t know. He needs to get to know Aiden again, so… However long it takes.”

Jake’s fingers drummed the surface of the table. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Aiden has been through hell for ten years. Then he comes back, he gets to know his dad again, and then…” He lifted his arms in the air in an over-exaggerated shrug. “He’s gone. Back to the army or whatever whim makes him leave again.”

“Rob wouldn’t leave on a whim.”

“He did last time.”

“That was…” I frowned. Was it more than a whim? Rob had never expressed any desire to join the army before Aiden’s disappearance. Before then he’d bummed around, either working in his parents’ B&B or taking up bricklaying work with local builders.