Sharp Shootin' Cowboy (Hot Cowboy Nights, #3)(55)

“Yeah.” Haley gave a dry laugh. “He does it all right. Maybe even more than ever.”

“Then it is a second chance, Haley. If you think you want him and he still wants you, you have to stick it out and make it work this time.”

Haley sighed. “That’s what I was afraid you’d say.”

“That’s because I’m smart, chica.” She paused. “You don’t sound very happy about all this.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ve already screwed it up, maybe beyond redemption. He went all possessive on me, and I panicked. You know I don’t go for that. I lashed out, and he walked out. I think I might have burned the bridge this time.”

“I doubt that,” Yolanda said. “He was really into you, you know. I mean how many guys would have stuck around after the incident on the Ferris wheel?”

Haley groaned. “Did you have to bring that up? It was only the worst moment of my life.”

“Just helping you to put it all in perspective, chica. It’s time to ask yourself what you really want from life. You’ve put your heart and soul into your work for too long. I know you love animals, but they can’t love you back, not the way you need.”

“But I’m scared, Yo. He confuses me…”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know how to describe it. He’s just so much.” She couldn’t begin to understand, let alone articulate her feelings for him.

Yolanda chuckled. “That sounds like a good thing.”

Haley gave a huff of exasperation. “I didn’t mean it that way…not that he’s deficient in that department. What I mean is that he’s so intense. He makes me feel too much.”

“You’re afraid of that? Of falling in love?”

“Well, yes. Of course I am. Weren’t you?”

“No. Not really. I fell in love all the time. It just never lasted. But you and I are very different that way. You won’t let yourself love. Why are you so scared to let go?”

“I don’t know. I just can’t… Maybe I’m afraid I won’t be loved back. It terrifies me to take that kind of leap without knowing.”

“But we can never know. You just have to have faith. You’ve always confronted your fears before, Haley. Reid is the only thing you ever ran away from. Maybe it’s time you dealt with that. Putting all differences aside, do you think you could love him?”

“I don’t know. What’s between Reid and me is nothing like my relationship with Jeffrey.”

“Did Jeffrey really balance you, Haley? Sometimes we get so lost in what we ‘think’ we want that we don’t recognize what we actually need. I speak from experience.”

“Do you still miss him?” Haley asked.

“Yeah, I do, but Rafi wasn’t the right one. I thought I wanted my bad boy marine, but he loved the Corps too much. I could never compete with that. I always felt like second place.”

“Any regrets?”

“No. It was great while it lasted, but now I have the real thing in my sweet, loving pastry chef. Sergio is what I really needed. Maybe Reid was the one for you all along. So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know yet. It all happened so fast between us. I need time to think. It feels like my brain stops functioning the minute he and I are even in the same room together. I’m done speaking at the convention. Tomorrow they have some big awards dinner for the outfitters, but I have zero interest in that. He was supposed to introduce me to some people, but I don’t know if I can face him yet. Maybe I’ll just check out early.”

“Consider it very carefully, Haley.”

“I will, Yo. I promise.”

“Good. I truly want you to be happy.”

“Thank you for always being there for me. I know I’ve been a sucky friend at times.”

“Only sometimes,” Yolanda laughed. “But you’re you, and I wouldn’t change that. Let me know how it turns out with Reid, okay?”

“I will. I’ll call again soon. Kiss the baby for me.”

Haley hung up feeling only marginally better.

She reminded herself that she’d made the right decision years ago to focus on her career, just as she’d promised herself, but that didn’t mean she’d never experienced any “what if” moments. They still came to her at random times, along with Gram’s warnings about putting her ambition before happiness. Although doubts about her decision had always lingered, she never allowed herself to dwell on them for very long. Until now.

Maybe Yolanda was partly to blame. It was hard to see her best friend married with a baby while Haley, at almost twenty-eight, had no real prospects of either.

Yolanda had voiced her own questions. Was it some kind of kismet that had brought Reid back into her life? If so, what did it mean? She’d broken up with Jeffrey because he didn’t want commitment, yet was terrified to take a chance on Reid, who did? She wasn’t ready to examine that too closely just yet. Not at all.

*

Reid beat himself up pretty good after leaving her last night. By the time he reached his room, he’d known she was right. He’d pushed her too hard, but he was used to being in control. For eight years, he’d taken the bull by the horns every damn day. Maybe she’d have come around if he hadn’t been so heavy-handed, but damn it all, Haley seemed to balk just for the sake of balking. Now he’d come back with his tail between his legs, ready to apologize.