Sharp Shootin' Cowboy (Hot Cowboy Nights, #3)(54)

“You’re leaving? Why? I don’t understand this. What do you want from me?”

“Same thing I wanted five years ago—for us to be together. If you don’t want it too, I’m not wasting any more time. Now I’m gonna ask you again. Why are you with me? What do you really want?” His gaze bored into hers, searching for the answer as his emotions made war inside him. He’d tried to deny it, but it was no good. He still had feelings for this perplexing woman. But he’d be damned if he’d let her tromp on his heart again.

She looked away. “I’m not ready for this kind of conversation, Reid. Why are you pushing me like this?”

“Because I’ve already sacrificed too much. I need to get on with my life. If you don’t want to be a part of that, we’re already done.” He flung his arms into his shirt and stomped into his boots. “I’ll pick you up in the morning. Introduce you around. You’ll have an easier time of it.”

“No need to trouble yourself on my behalf,” she said, choking back tears.

He stiffened against the sudden urge to go back to her, to take her into his arms. Instead, he reached for his hat. “It’s the least I could do to repay you for the f*ck.”

*

Trying to tune out her own thoughts, Haley turned on the television. The original X-Men was playing now. She muted the sound and stared at the screen with burning eyes, seeing nothing. She still couldn’t believe he had walked out on her like that. How could he?

And why the hell had she taken up with him again? Was it gratitude because he’d helped her out of a fix? Or just sheer sexual frustration from months of abstinence? Maybe it was a combination of both, but if that was really all there was, why did she have this hollow ache in her chest? Once more, a night with him had turned her inside out.

She’d left California believing that a return to fieldwork was the answer, but she hadn’t counted on Reid. How could she stay here now knowing she’d continue to run into him? Sure, she could try to avoid him, but he was an area outfitter. It was inevitable that their paths would eventually cross again. Was this whole move to Wyoming a huge mistake?

Her instincts screamed to pack up and go back to California, where she could go to a restaurant and order edamame. Where she lectured for people who smiled back and wrote big checks. She wanted to return to the place where people understood her and didn’t challenge her; the place where she was comfortable. Where she belonged—the place where she’d become disillusioned…complacent…and bored.

Being honest with herself, she’d felt that way for a long time. No one ever challenged her because she only mixed with people who shared her beliefs. For five years she’d surrounded herself with all the “right” people who did all the “right” things. She lived in a closed circle of intellectuals, academics, and activists, people who outwardly espoused philanthropic and humanitarian concerns. They all talked a good game about saving the world, but so much of it was hollow posturing from hypocrites who gave “green” speeches while traveling in their Gulfstream jets.

She suddenly realized the problem. She didn’t really like them.

Although she didn’t agree with Reid’s convictions, she couldn’t help respecting him. She admired his courage and character. He had cared enough to risk his own life for a greater cause. They were still on opposite sides of almost everything, but at least he walked his talk. How many people really did that?

Confused and growing depressed, she clicked off the television. It was time for some desperately needed perspective from the one person she could always count on. Yolanda.

“Haley?” Her best friend picked up on the second ring. “Chica! It’s been so long. How are you?”

“I was hoping you’d still be up.”

“Yeah, I’m still up. Motherhood is a mixed blessing.”

“How is little Sergio?”

“Too much like his papi. They both keep me up all night. Is everything okay? It’s not like you to call so late at night.”

“No, Yo. Everything is not okay.”

“Tell me about it, chica.”

“I did something incredibly impulsive and impossibly stupid… I left my job and came out to Wyoming.”

“You’re in Wyoming?” Long pause. “But I thought your future was all set. And what about your professor?”

“Jeffrey’s still there.”

“I thought you and he were going to move in together.”

“I thought so too, but he didn’t take to the notion when I brought it up. I’m really confused now, Yo. I always thought he and I would end up together, but we’ve been slowly drifting apart. I finally acknowledged that it was going nowhere… I wanted a new start, so here I am.”

“In Wyoming.”

“Yes.” Haley paused, then blurted, “I ran into Reid.”

“Reid? The cowboy? Oh my God! Really? Is he out of the Marines now?”

“Yeah. He’s out and back home now.”

“It’s fate!” Yolanda declared. “It has to be.”

“That’s kind of what he said, but nothing has changed, Yo,” Haley insisted. “I mean, I’m still me, and he’s still…well…him.”

“But he still does it for you?” She could hear Yolanda’s smile.